Bride plans to serve alcohol at her wedding despite fiancé's family, 'his mother would be PISSED.' AITA?

"WIBTA if I served alcohol at my wedding despite my fiancé?"

So I (28F) am Catholic, and my fiancé (30M) comes from a Muslim family. We are getting married soon and my mother (who's doing most of the wedding organizing) called me asking what to tell the venue about drinks.

Since his side of the family obviously doesn't drink and mine do, I told her they should have both alcoholic and non-alcoholic drinks at separate tables. I thought this would be a fair compromise since there would be an option for anyone regardless if they wanna drink or not.

When both of us got home from work, I told my fiancé about what I told my mom and to my surprise he got quite annoyed at me, and told me that no alcohol should be served at the wedding, period.

I was kinda confused since we had discussed it briefly a while ago and he was okay with the idea of both non-alcoholic and alcoholic drinks being served, but he told me that his mother would be pissed if she saw alcohol was being served at his wedding.

I kind of saw this coming since his mother had been calling him more and more as the wedding got closer (usually they rarely speak), and had been asking for details about the wedding, and even tried to dictate the dress I would wear even though I had already chosen mine (to which I refused, which made her annoyed).

My fiancé told me we should just not serve any alcohol to avoid upsetting his mother even more upset and to make it fair on his family who don't drink and maybe don't wanna be near alcohol. I told him that's not fair on my family and me who do want alcohol and he said we're crazy if we can't enjoy a ceremony without alcohol.

I understand his point, but I still want my family to enjoy themselves and have fun at the wedding. I understand that it is possible while having a zero alcohol wedding, but I know many people will be looking forward to that aspect of the party (me included) and frankly speaking, the vibe probably wont be the same without it.

I honestly didn't expect my fiancé to be so opposed to it since he himself drinks and we are serving halal food and nothing with pork anyways. Personally I think catering to both sides would be the best option but I may be being unfair and I'd appreciate some insight.

Later, OP edited the post to include more information:

Just to clarify for those who are talking about interfaith marriage, neither me or my fiancé are religious in particular, but we do come from Catholic/Muslim families. I'm Irish and we live in Ireland, and his family is from Pakistan. Out of about 100ish people attending, around 10 will be his family...

Here's what people had to say about this one:

newmomtothesweetgal said

Okay, I don’t know anything about you or your fiance. But it is a huge red flag to me that he is changing his mind because he wants to avoid conflict with his mom. It is going to get very difficult with more complicated situations down the road.

And YNTA. You have every right to enjoy your wedding as much as he does. If you guys haven’t talked about how to raise your kids wrt religion and such do it asap. And make sure you both are happy. Otherwise you are walking into a disaster.

EJ_1004 said:

NTA. Have you noticed that after he spoke to his mother the decision you all made together no longer mattered? That’s an issue that needs to be discussed. His Mom should not be involved in decisions that you all made together.

She was attempting to cause an issue with your dress and you had to solve it. Husband should be dealing with his family while you deal with yours. If he’s unable to stick up to his Mother now he will not be able to do so after marriage, you will not be a team, it will be you vs him and his Mom.

I acknowledge that I may be jumping to conclusion, and if I’m wrong I’ll be happy about it but I’ve seen way to many people end up in bad marriages because their partners parents were overly involved in the relationship.

owls_and_cardinals said:

NTA. There are some layers of problems rearing their heads here. I'd say first on the list is your fiance's intent to cater to his mother and to put her desires and expectations above others', including above YOURS.

That is a pretty huge red flag. Second, I'd say, is how she's inserting herself into your relationship and event planning. He should have already drawn a boundary on this. Thirdly is that, despite having discussed this solution before, he is 'annoyed' at you now for thinking that is still the right way to go. Are you a mind reader? Why would he feel you should have changed your mind since last discussing it with him?

I guess fourth is his really escalated language about calling you and your family "crazy" for wanting alcohol to be present. I can chalk that up to cultural differences, perhaps...

Obviously from a religious standpoint muslims do not think about alcohol or the presence of alcohol at a celebration the way many non-muslims do however the judgment embedded in his words and the fact that you all are getting married and can't agree on a compromise here is troubling.

No one is forcing them to drink alcohol. They in turn should not force anyone to forego it. Your solution is a compromise and it's troubling that he doesn't see it that way.

OldSaggytitBiscuits said:

Oh boy. Not only NTA, but maybe RUN? You came up with a perfectly respectful compromise for the situation, and you've got hubby and future MIL (who are not throwing the wedding) already dictating your actions before you're even married? Yikes.

Do he and his mom not realize alcohol exists in the world and that it's not the world's responsibility to warp around their expectations? This union seems like a disaster waiting to happen, this will not be the last time he or his mom try to dictate things for you.

Lambchop66 said:

NTA. But take notice of how hard your husband tries to appease his mother who is way out of bounds to try and dictate anything about the wedding. Hopefully they continue barely speaking once the wedding is over otherwise you may have a lot of future issues. Nothings worse than marrying into a family you can’t get along with.

Lambchop66 said:

NTA. Please take note that your opinion is less important to him than his mother's.