Bride plans her wedding at sister's 'dream location,' 'she is furious.' AITA?
"WIBTA if I had my wedding in my sister’s dream wedding location?"
I (24F) am from the US, but went to university in the UK and have been in England since. My fiancé Nick (25M) is from Italy, but similarly came to the UK for uni. My sister Sarah (27F) is someone who has always fantasized about her wedding. Pinterest stuff, hundreds of pics in her camera roll, follows a bunch of wedding bakery insta pages, etc. Her dream wedding location has always been an Italian vineyard.
When deciding our wedding location, Nick and I were going between NY, London, and Tuscany (where his family is from). We chose Tuscany because: 1) we find it the most beautiful, 2) his family has a huge vineyard where they’re happy to host everyone, and 3) with the money we’d save for venue and accommodations, we could pay for the airfare of all our guests coming from the US. It’ll be a small wedding, max 50 people (~15 from the US, 10 from the UK, so it’s doable). Anyway we go about it it’ll be a destination wedding for some people, so Tuscany is thus the best financially speaking.
My sister however is furious. She called me selfish for doing this to her, since I’ve never cared nearly as much about weddings but now I’m stealing her dream location. My parents were on her side till I told them Nick and I would be covering all our family’s airfare and accommodations, and then they were placated (they worried family members wouldn’t want to go to two destination weddings in Italy). Sarah however has not come around, even when I’ve tried to explain the reasoning behind it all.
After talking with my mom today she suggested that we just have it in England to “keep the peace," since this means so much to my sister while I’ve never cared much for weddings. She said she and my dad discussed and think they’re able to cover the cost of all the airfare for people flying from the US— which might be financially doable for them, but really not ideal as they’re both retired.
I’m not sure what to do now. Nick strongly prefers Italy, but he isn’t adamantly against London. His parents very much want to host the wedding. I don’t think I’m the AH since this is literally where Nick’s family LIVES, but I’m willing to admit I’m wrong. So WIBTA if I don’t give in?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
FuzzyMom2005 said:
NTA. "Keep the peace" means "your sister's wishes mean everything and yours mean nothing." Your sister does not have a wedding planned at an Italian vinyard. She's not even engaged! There are a thousand vinyards anyway, hardly a unique location.
Your sister is out of line, as are your parents. They expect you to dump a free location that had meaning to your fiance because of a temper tantrum? No. Tell them this is the location. If they don't like it, they don't have to come. You expect them to act like mature adults, and gracious guests at these people's home. Your sister is almost 30 FFS, not 12.
DinoSnuggler said:
NTA. Your sister is delulu. First of all, you are already in Europe, so having an Italian wedding is not a pipe dream like it is for the vast majority of Americans - is it even realistic for your sister to pull this off without putting your parents in debt? Second, it's your in-laws vineyard, literally your fiancé's home. And his parents want to host you. This is a no-brainer.
Third, I've read your comments, your sister isn't even engaged yet much less actively planning a wedding. She doesn't get to call dibs on Italian Vineyards just because she made a Pinterest board. Stop discussing the location with your family, it's a done deal. All they need to give input on now is dates/availability.
Away_Refuse8493 said:
NTA. There is no way using the groom's family's home / hometown = "stealing a destination." It belongs to your fiance a milllionnnn times more than it belongs to your sister. Home > Pinterest board. Also, unless your sister is also planning a wedding, she doesn't even have a wedding.
WhoKnewHomesteading said:
You are using your fiancé’s family property. That is not spiteful or mean. It’s practical. Your sister is welcome to stay home. NTA.
extinct_diplodocus said:
NTA. Your sister is laying claim to every vineyard in Italy. Don't you consider that to be at least a bit extreme and entitled? You've chosen to get married in your fiancé's parents' place. It just happens to be a vineyard. Your parents want you to change it to placate your sister. Agreeing would just feed your sister's sense of entitlement. What's next? You can't wear white because she wants to?
Just ignore your sister. Have the wedding you actually want, regardless of how much or how little it may overlap her dream wedding. Nothing you do will actually prevent your sister from having her dream wedding, and you can bet it will be more elaborate than yours.
glimmerseeker said:
NTA. Nick’s family is hosting the wedding. It’s too bad your sister is having a tantrum over this, but this wedding is for you and Nick. You two should decide where YOU want it. Your sister has no say in this. Your fiancé prefers Italy. It’s his wedding day, not your sister’s. Do not give in.
Curious - is your sister even engaged? Is she currently planning her wedding? Or is she just upset and jealous of your wedding location? If so, she’s being very immature and manipulative. Don’t let her or your parents guilt you into changing your plans. Not their decision.