Bride refuse to invite sister’s fiancé and his kids to the wedding, 'now she won't come either.' AITA?
"AITA for not inviting my sister’s fiancé and his kids to our wedding?"
My fiancé (M, 27) and I (F, 27) are planning a small wedding. We only invited immediate family and close friends so we can afford to pay for the wedding ourselves. We also said that guests can only bring a plus-one if they’ve been dating for at least a year because we can’t afford to pay for someone they barely know.
Here’s the issue. My sister is 25 and started dating Jon in November. He’s 43 and has two teenagers. Three weeks ago, they announced they were engaged. I’ve tried talking to her a few times about how he’s too old for her and how she’s way too young to be a stepmom to two teens, but she told me to mind my own business and that she loves him.
For our wedding, I only invited my sister. She called and asked why Jon and his kids weren’t invited. I told her it’s because I barely know them and they haven’t even been dating for a year.
She said Jon is family now and that his kids will be my niece and nephews, so it’s different. I told her I can’t afford to pay for three extra guests who are basically strangers to us. Now she’s mad and says she won’t come either.
My parents get where I’m coming from, but they also want my sister at the wedding. My dad even offered to cover the cost of Jon and the kids. But the thing is, I just don’t want them there.
I feel uncomfortable inviting people I don’t know to my wedding. Am I being a stubborn ahole? PS: we only have 24 guests in total. She wanna add 3 strangers to it now.
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
toosheeptheorist said:
NTA - all the other objections aside, you don't have to invite anyone to your wedding that you don't want there. You and your fiance are paying for everything yourself and keeping it small and intimate.
Although it is very generous of your father to offer to pay for your sister's new boyfriend and kids to come, it means nothing if you don't want them there. Your sister also fails to realize that invitations are not court summons - she does not have to be there.
Eventually, your sister will (hopefully) get her head out of her a$% and discover for herself what a mistake she is making. Until then, stand your ground and keep your wedding the way that you want it.
Ok-Position7403 said:
NTA. Hopefully your sister will be mortified at her own behavior in a few years if she ever grows up. My parents get where I’m coming from, but they also want my sister at the wedding. Good.
Tell them to talk some sense into her and have her come without the entourage. Your point is completely valid, if fiancee & kids come, the wedding is no longer about you & your husband, it's "Meet this new bunch of people!"
KrofftSurvivor said:
NTA - You are absolutely NOT obligated to invite a guy your sister has been dating for 4 months to your wedding. Much less give her a ~plus 3~ for 3 strangers. But given your concern over the situation your sister is getting herself into, you might consider a compromise. Invite only the fiance, and let your Dad pay for Jon.
Because if you think this guy is bad news, letting him isolate her from her family is a bad idea. But letting him come to the wedding gives your entire family a chance to get a good look at who he is, and derail that.
Then point out to your sister that Jon's kids are teenagers - and attending a command performance for Dad's new girlfriend's family isn't going to be something most teenagers want to do.
Jon might be telling her that ~they want to~, or that forcing everyone to ~be instant family~ is what's best. But she has a chance to show her future step kids that she can compromise too - and let them skip this, while she and Jon get a date nite and a chance for him to get to know your family. But whatever you decide, it's your wedding - and it's your choice. Not hers.
Astlay said:
NTA. It's a very small wedding. Adding anyone you don't want to it will be far too big a hassle, and she is going against what was previously decided. Engaged or not, he would be a plus one, and the rules still apply. If she decides not to come, you'll have to be okay with it. There will be a bit of drama, but it honestly seems like the lesser evil.
FinchDoodles said:
NTA. You set clear rules. Had they been together for a year, whether you liked it or not, he could have came as a plus one BUT it’s been three months! All judgment aside about him, he and his kids are strangers. I also think it would be awkward to have some strangers kid and the stranger at a very personal and intimate event.
It is kind the your father willing to do that but you don’t even know them. If you set clear rules for everyone, and by bending the rules, it could cause much more trouble over a stranger!
99sports said:
It's a red flag for me when someone meets and marries someone with kids, and then suddenly expects those kids to be considered nieces and nephews. Give things a chance to grow naturally. Are they also suddenly expected to be treated like grandkids by your parents? Three months is not enough time for all of this to happen.
NTA - it would be a shame for your sister to miss your wedding and hopefully she makes the right choice. Your wedding is very small and you should only have people you really want to be there.