Bride refuses to add stepmom's extended family to guest list, 'my dad offered to pay 100%.' AITA?
"AITA for not adding my stepmom's extended family to my wedding guest list?"
I (26f) will be getting married next year. My fiancé and I are paying for the wedding ourselves with no help from anyone. This includes my dad and stepmom and my maternal side who are all invited and a big part of my life. With that out of the way I want to know if I'm wrong here.
My dad and stepmom got married when I was 10 which was two years after my mom died. It wasn't long after their wedding my stepmom's family got annoyed on my stepmom's behalf that she wasn't treated like a member of my mom's family and for calling her my stepmom instead of my mom.
They felt my stepmom deserved more respect from my mom's family. Even though my mom's family didn't have an issue with any of them at that point. They just called her what she is, my stepmom. Things got really bad when my dad threw me a sweet 16. He didn't want to invite mom's family because he said it would make my stepmom and her family uncomfortable.
I asked who the party was for and said they didn't have to come if they had an issue with my family being there. My stepmom told her family and they put all the blame on my mom's family. And they were acting so offended that I would prefer to have my actual family there vs people who were sorta family but never really felt like my family.
There's a really good chance having everyone at the wedding would lead to attempts at fights. But even without that I really don't have a connection to my stepmom's family. I don't hate them but I don't see them as my third family either. My stepmom is close to her family though and wants them at the wedding.
For me it's less of a headache not to invite them and it also feels less greedy. Like inviting people I would quickly lose touch with if my dad divorced or died and who I don't care for personally seems so greedy and like a gift grab.
I put my foot down and said no to adding them to the guest list which upset my stepmom. My dad offered to pay 100% of the cost for stepmom's extended family. He told me it means they're sorta his guests instead of mine but they're still there. I asked him if he'd keep them on a short leash so they don't start fights.
I also asked if he'd make it clear they wouldn't be in family photos. He admitted they would need to be included to stop hurt feelings and more trouble and he said he can't control adults so I told him my no was still solid. My dad and stepmom think I'm being a bridezilla about this. Am I?
Here's what top commenters said about this one:
Cuddlyy_Dews_ said:
Nah, you’re not being a bridezilla at all. Your wedding, your guest list. It’s clear you’re not excluding them out of spite—you just don’t have a meaningful relationship with them, and their presence could create unnecessary drama.
The fact that your dad can’t even guarantee they won’t start trouble just proves your point. You’re paying for your own wedding, which means you get to decide who’s there. If your stepmom wants them at an event so badly, she can host her own gathering. Stay firm on your boundaries—you’re making the right call.
AcanthisittaNo9122 said:
NTA. Your dad is so weak, letting them walk all over your feeling and himself. It’s your day, not her day.
SadBadPuppyDad said:
NTA. I have a son from my first marriage. She cheated after he was born so we divorced. I met someone when he was 4 and we got married 2 years later. Her family was very welcoming to us, but he didn't form the same bond with the extended family. He invited his step mother's parents and his step mother's brother, but not her aunts or cousins and no one had an issue with it.
MysticAvery said:
NTA. Your wedding, your rules. If you don’t have a connection with her extended family and don’t want the drama, that’s completely understandable. It’s not about being a bridezilla, it’s about wanting a peaceful day.
Your dad offering to pay for them just to avoid conflict doesn’t mean you have to let them in if you’re not comfortable. You’re not obligated to invite people who cause tension, especially when it’s your special day. If your stepmom can’t understand that, then that’s on her. No one needs to ruin your wedding for the sake of other people’s feelings!
Economy-Diver-5089 said:
NTA at all! Stepmom sounds jealous and wants to replace your mom and get praise for having a “daughter” yet she’s done nothing to build that relationship with you and deserve it.
My stepmom is exactly the same and I’ve not talked with her in 8yrs. She didn’t even come to my wedding because of some lame ass excuse. Your wedding, your guests. Even with your dad offering to pay, hell no as they’d just start drama and detract from your day.
LeaveInteresting3290 said:
NTA - I love what you said about your sweet 16, say the same about your wedding. Don’t have any of them there. Your stepmom's family having nothing to do with your wedding and have no right to demand to go and stop your real family going.