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Bride refuses to break child-free rule for 'Cruella' sister's toddlers, 'she's going to escalate this.' AITA?

Bride refuses to break child-free rule for 'Cruella' sister's toddlers, 'she's going to escalate this.' AITA?

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"AITA for not making an exception to my child-free wedding for my sister's toddlers?"

My fiancé (33m) Carl and I (33f) Eli got engaged in October and have planned a child-free wedding this March, and informed all guests as soon as we confirmed the wedding date. As a part of this rule, we did not invite my sister's Amy (37f) toddlers (1f and 3m).

My relationship with Amy has always been strained. She constantly was rude towards me, and our dad didn't approve of her choices (getting drunk and hitting a teacher, gang member boyfriend), but appeared to be happy with mine (goody-two-shoes) despite her getting better grades at school.

She has since married a lovely guy John (child-free wedding with her child of 1 being the only exception), and I've had few opportunities to meet her kids as they live far away. Most of my friends, and all of my previous boyfriends dislike(d) Amy as she has said very hurtful things to me around them, one even referred to her as "Cruella."

When I was diagnosed with celiac disease, Amy was dismissive. She mocked my need to avoid gluten, saying, “Why can’t you just suck it up and eat gluten for Christmas instead of being difficult?” If I brought gluten-free food to family events, I was called a “snob,” but if I declined unsafe food, I was labeled “difficult.” I avoided family Christmas after this.

When we announced the child-free wedding in November, no one raised concerns. Now we are two months away from the wedding, and suddenly this has become a problem.

Amy never directly told me how strongly she felt about her kids attending, she only made one joke about it ("my son will look great in a tux at your wedding") which I pushed back on, saying "sorry, no kids."

She then told the kids “Hear that? Eli doesn't want you at her wedding!", then she went behind my back and called several family members saying she felt bad about the kids being excluded and asked if she was justified in feeling this way.

This got back to me and I offered Amy that she could bring the kids to the photoshoot and the getting ready part of the event, except for the ceremony. She has quit being a bridesmaid and RSVP’d her and my BIL as “not going” with some family members now berating me for not making an exception. Some have even insinuated they might not attend due to this.

The wedding conflict feels like the culmination of years of tension. My decision wasn’t personal—it was about fairness and ensuring a stress-free day. Amy’s reaction—quitting as a bridesmaid, refusing to attend, and turning family against me—feels like retaliation.

I’m standing by my choice, but it’s painful to see how far she’s gone to escalate this. Carl’s friends, family, my parents and my friends are on my side, while the rest of my family is divided. AITA for wanting to keep up the child-free policy on my own wedding?

EDIT:

Wow! I was not expecting unanimous support. I've mostly seen posts on here where the comments are divided. Thank you so much! It's reassuring to know we're not being unreasonable in sticking to the child-free wedding without any exceptions. And yes we will be hiring a bouncer!

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

Graphite57 said:

It's your wedding and your right to set the ground rules for your day...
She replied to the RSVP with "not going." End of issue right there, accept that and enjoy your day in the sunshine. NTA.

shammy_dammy said:

NTA. Those some family members don't have to come either.

stroppo said:

NTA. You can keep your wedding child free. If others don't like that, they are free to not attend.

AvocadoJazzlike3670 said:

NTA, so it’s ok for her not to have kids at her wedding but not you?! Screw her. No means no. It’s fine if she doesn’t come.

merishore25 said:

NTA. Uninvite her and tell your relatives to do what is right in their heart. Maybe ask them why they think it is their business and interfere if they opt not to attend. No one in their right mind brings children that young to a child free wedding.

_iamstardust_ said:

NTA. Sooooooooo, she can have a child free wedding but you can’t? Your sister sounds like a toxic peach and she actually did you a favor when she “retaliated” with a negative RSVP. Less drama for you on your special day. If any distant family members decide not to attend, then that’s even less drama for you.

Sources: Reddit
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