Bride refuses to cave in to father's 'wishes' for her wedding, 'my mom is PISSED at him.' AITA?

"AITA for refusing to cave in to my father's 'wishes' for my wedding?"

This is going to be a long one. Me (37F) moved out of my country ten years ago, while my father & his part of the family stayed in the country. My sister also lives there with her family.

My mom moved with me. I am getting married this year and I wanted to have a family wedding that included my dad's side of the family because that's who I grew up with, and I have a lot of fond memories with them and wanted to celebrate. My whole family is not religiously observant, we just do the regular functions (baptisms, first communion) out of Catholic "tradition."

My dad the whole time I've been engaged has been pushing for me to get married in church (hard no for both me and the fiancé), then he said we could get married in an civil hall kind of church (also no because we'd like our ceremony to be outside in the open).

He helped me find a venue with a really pretty gazebo where they do legal/symbolic ceremonies and that is the place where I will be getting married and having the reception.

I came back today to my country to finalize some things and in the car he tried again asking if I didn't want to get married in church ("No, thank you, that is not what I want.") and then at the other civil hall ("No, we already have a venue and you helped me choose it/find it.")

Then he got mad saying my fiancé is the one who's pushing these decisions as if I didn't have any individual autonomy. My mom is pissed at him and says he can't get over the fact he's not in control, I'm just so tired of this petty argument. Am I the ahole?

EDIT:

The wedding is paid by my fiancé and myself, my dad just helped with the initial deposit that I paid him half back for, will pay the other half in May.

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

Stranger0nReddit said:

NTA. It sounds like your dad is forgetting this is not HIS wedding. I hope you told him quite clearly that the decision to not get married in a church or civil hall is YOURS. You could even mention that you knew you wouldn't marry in a church before you even met your fiance.

Remind him that you are an adult and will make decisions like this for yourself and hope he can find it within himself to respect that, no matter his personal opinion.

bamf1701 said:

NTA. This is yours and your fiancee's wedding, not your father's. He doesn't get a say in it. And he is trying to manipulate you by saying your fiancee is pushing you to say this. It's actually important that you hold your ground on this. It sets a boundary with your father that you will not be letting him dictate your life once you get married.

Like your mother said - he can't get over the fact that he isn't in control and is trying to do anything he can to get back in control. So, no, you are not the AH. Your father is entirely the AH.

PomegranateZanzibar said:

NTA. Your father needs to understand that no means no, not nag and complain in the hope you’ll become exhausted and give in. Tell him you’re near exhaustion, but rather than give in you’ll find another way to end the nagging. He’s engaging in a power struggle and doesn’t understand that he doesn’t have any.

Reclinerbabe said:

NTA! You're 37 years old! Tell dear dad that you've been making your own decisions for a long while and you've made this decision, too. If he wants to add negativity to your wedding plans by continuing to nag and argue, he'll be talking to himself. Good luck to you!

extinct_diplodocus said:

NTA. "I'm getting married at the outdoor gazebo you suggested. It's my choice and you don't need to agree. If my choice makes you unhappy enough, you're not required to attend. I'm not going to argue about this, and I will ignore any attempt you make to bring it up again. Just take it or leave it."

imamage_fightme said:

NTA this is your wedding, not his, and you know your own mind. He can blame your fiancé all he wants, you know it's joint decision. I think your mother knows best here, he just doesn't like not being able to control everything. That's a him problem, he can sort himself out.