Bride REFUSES to change the date of 16-person bachelorette, shuts down friend's attempts to reschedule. AITA?

"AITA for refusing to change my bachelorette trip date and shutting down a friend’s attempts to reschedule?"

I’m getting married this year, and my friends (a group of 16) and I have been planning my bachelorette trip. To make scheduling fair, I asked everyone to send me the dates they were not available so I could pick a date that worked for the most people—especially since some friends are traveling from other countries.

After going through everyone’s responses, there was only one date that worked for everyone. So, I announced it. That same day, one of my closest friends suddenly said she had been planning a trip around that time. However, she had never mentioned it before, hadn’t booked flights, and was only reconsidering her dates because someone told her her destination might be crowded.

Since the condition for choosing my trip date was to prioritize the availability of the most people, I explained to her three separate times why that date was final. Despite that, she kept trying to change it. She even created another poll in our group chat to see if others could move their own important plans to accommodate her.

She also started privately messaging people, trying to convince them to say they could be flexible. At first, I didn’t directly call her out in the chat, but after she made a second poll, I sent a general message stating that the date was already chosen and wasn’t changing. Now, she’s upset and claims I embarrassed her by “calling her out” instead of speaking to her privately—even though I had already tried three times.

I feel like she put me in a tough position, making me choose whose availability mattered more. I understand she really wants to be there, but I also think it was unfair for her to disregard everyone else’s plans. I have no intention of changing the date, and honestly, I’m not planning to apologize because I don’t think I did anything wrong. AITA?

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

MelodyRaine said:

NTA you did your best and your 'friend' is doing her darndest to dull the shine of your celebration. At this point I would state plainly, publicly "(Mary) I have spoken with you multiple times in private, and this now makes twice publicly. The date of my bachelorette is set and will not be changed.

If you continue to press the issue so you can go on a vacation you haven't even bothered to book yet (and only decided to make an issue of after I announced the bachelorette date), then you will quickly find yourself disinvited from the bachelorette, and possibly the related celebrations as well. Then your personal and ever-changing schedule will no longer be an issue. Enough is enough."

kingofgreenapples said:

NTA. This feels more like a power play than a real need. You did your best and she needs to knock it off. This isn't about her, the trip date was chosen for the group.

kytamore said:

The fact that you found a date that 15/16 people can attend is a miracle in and of itself! If she wants to come so bad, she should reschedule her own trip.

OhmsWay-71 said:

NTA. Leave it and it should be okay. If you feel you want to make sure you squash it, I would say something like…“I am sorry you feel embarrassed. You asked me to change the date, after it was finalized.

I said no, you tried to get everyone to get on your side, I said please don’t, you did it again and I called you out, in the hopes that it would end this discussion. Look, if you can’t come, you can’t come, but please stop trying to get everyone to change the date. I have chosen the date. Can this be over now?”

Red-Octopus91 said:

NTA, you tried your best to check everyone’s availability and she failed to mention it at the appropriate time. Trying to change it afterwards just makes a hell of a mess for everyone. She f'd up and should own up to it.

WiseBat said:

NTA. She lost the right to a “private conversation” when she made that poll public. If she has nothing actually set in stone, it’s a power play and that’s it.

ErinRedWolf said:

Obviously NTA. You did nothing wrong and your “friend” would be on the way to losing that status if she were mine. She’s trying to minimize the inconvenience to HERSELF while inconveniencing and annoying EVERYONE ELSE including you, the bride. She’s selfish. Better if she doesn’t go at all.