Bride refuses to change her wedding date for accommodate brother's 'spiritual milestone.' AITA?

"AITA for not changing my wedding date to accommodate my brother’s religious ceremony?"

I (29F) have been planning my wedding for over a year. My fiancé (31M) and I chose our date in April because it's when we met, and it's meaningful to us. We’ve sent out save-the-dates, booked vendors, and even some guests have booked flights. Everything was set until my brother (26M) announced his conversion to a new religion.

We were supportive of his decision, but his ceremony, which marks a major spiritual milestone, was scheduled for the same weekend as my wedding. He asked if I could change my wedding date because, in his faith, these ceremonies are rare and only held on certain days.

Moving the wedding would be extremely difficult and costly—our vendors are mostly non-refundable, and guests have already started making travel plans. I explained this to my brother, but he got upset, accusing me of being selfish and prioritizing my “party” over his spiritual journey.

My parents took his side, saying that I should be more flexible and that his ceremony is more important than a wedding, which could “happen any weekend.” They’ve even hinted that they might not attend my wedding if I don’t accommodate him.

To be clear, I love my brother and I understand the importance of his ceremony, but we’ve been planning this for a year, and moving the date would be a financial disaster for us. We’ve already invested thousands into this day. My fiancé and I even offered to host a celebration dinner for my brother’s conversion, but he rejected the idea, saying it wasn’t the same and that I’m not taking his faith seriously.

Now, my brother says he might not attend the wedding, and our parents are supporting him, framing me as the selfish one. Some extended family members are even siding with him, saying they’d rather attend his ceremony because it’s “more meaningful” than my wedding.

I feel like I’m being forced to choose between honoring my wedding plans and respecting my brother’s new faith, which wasn’t even a factor when we set the date. This has caused a huge rift in the family. My fiancé is on my side, but I’m starting to question whether I’m being too rigid.

I want my brother at my wedding, but changing the date would be incredibly costly and stressful. Am I the one being unreasonable here for sticking to my original plans? AITA?

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

Equivalent-Moose2886 said:

NTA. Since they are on the same weekend but not the same day I don't see why everyone can't do both. Write a group email to all your family, something along the lines of: "My fiancé and I have been planning our wedding for over a year, and sent the save the dates many months ago. It now seems like fate that my brothers conversion falls on a different day of the same weekend.

With so many of you already booked to travel in for this weekend, we would be delighted if we could make this a full weekend celebration of my wedding and my brothers conversion to the beautiful faith of....

There is no reason to choose between, and we would love to celebrate both of these events with all of you." It's making them look like aholes for threatening to not go to your wedding, but a strong argument to get everyone to go to both.

C_Majuscula said:

NTA your wedding can no longer happen on “any weekend” because it’s been booked. Why can’t your brother have his ceremony on another date? I doubt there’s only one day per year.

caringANDtherapy said:

NTA. You wrote something like they are held on certain days? So plural? Why can't he pick another day? Your date was first. In my eyes, he is the selfish one...

Flat_Educator2997 said:

To dismiss your wedding as merely a "party" should tell you everything you need to know about how your brother really feels about you. You should also make it clear to your parents that if they choose not to go to your wedding, it will irrevocably affect their relationship with you and any future children you might have. Enjoy your wedding on the day you planned it. NTA.

bookishmama_76 said:

NTA - please ask all of your critics (including Mom, dad & bro) if they are willing to fork over all of the money that changing your date would require. That would also include covering the flight costs of anyone who has booked a flight.

If they no you can say you made an honest effort for your brother but what he is asking is beyond selfish and it’s ultimately his choice. The people who are basically saying that your wedding is meaningless have shown their true colors and you are better off without them.

LaughingAtSalads said:

NTA. Your brother’s journey can be formalised at another time. He’s tantrumming and deflecting attention and parents are indulging the male’s feelings over the female’s commitment to her own future? UGH. Just say no. If they can’t support this woman as she starts her marriage that’s their loss and best she knows now.

Visible_Current5558 said:

NTA. Logistically it’s a nightmare to move it around and it was already planned before his ceremony was announced.