Bride refuses to change wedding menu for 'extremely traditional' in-laws, 'we're not meat-and-potatoes people.' AITA?
"AITA for refusing to change my wedding menu for my in-laws?"
So, here’s the deal: I (29F) am getting married to my fiancé (31M) in a few months, and we've been planning this wedding for almost a year. We’re doing a small-ish ceremony and reception with around 60 guests, mostly family and close friends.
My fiancé and I love food and have worked with our caterer to create a menu we’re really excited about. It includes a mix of options like seafood, pasta, and some vegetarian dishes—basically, things we both love.
My future in-laws are extremely traditional eaters and are upset that we’re not serving any “classic meat-and-potatoes” dishes. They’re genuinely great people, but they’re the type who think a meal without a steak is a waste of time. They’ve asked, repeatedly, if we could add a steak option or just “something simple,” and they’ve even hinted at covering the extra cost.
Here’s the problem: our menu is already set, and adding another option would mess with the caterer’s timeline and, honestly, with our budget. Plus, this is a day we want to celebrate our way.
I told my fiancé I didn’t want to make changes, and he’s supportive, but he did suggest maybe offering to pay for a few “plain” dinners just for them. When I talked to my in-laws, they made it clear they thought I was being selfish by not accommodating them.
Some of my family members think I should just let them have their steak, but I’m really struggling with the idea of changing things for just a few guests. AITA for sticking to the menu we chose?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
4986270 said:
NTA - Are they coming for the wedding or are they coming for the food? Start ignoring them/change the subject when they bring it up. They can always eat at home!
ChiaraSs7 said:
NTA two weeks ago I was the best woman in my cousin’s wedding and we live in the south of Italy so food is a BIG part of weddings lol. They went for a more “gourmet” menu and since I’m kind of a picky eater almost every dish had something in it I didn’t like. You know what I did? Pushed aside what I didn’t like (if possible) and only ate what I liked. It didn’t even come to my mind to ask them for a change.
lovelilacsmile said:
NTA. It’s your wedding, not a steakhouse. You and your fiancé are entitled to plan a menu that reflects your tastes and preferences. The day is about celebrating your love and your relationship, not ensuring everyone has their favorite dish on hand.
candyheartswish said:
NTA. Your wedding should reflect you and your fiancé's tastes and preferences, not cater to everyone's individual desires.
CulturedPhilistine said:
ESH. Your in-laws should be able to suck it up for one meal. You should stop being so petty to your in-laws, way too controlling and such a bad attitude to have with people who are going to be in your life for a long time.
Bandie909 said:
NTA. You serve them steak and everyone at the wedding will feel snubbed. If they were vegans and wanted a vegan option, that's something I would accommodate (and did for my son's rehearsal dinner). But steak? They aren't going to die without steak.
CreativeMusic5121 said:
NTA--but really when planning any sort of party, you should consider the comfort and preferences of your guests. Offering options should be a common courtesy.
Logical-Cost4571 said:
NTA recently been to a vegan wedding. Some of the family didn’t come because of it. Instead they got to look at photos of the rest of us having an absolute blast.