Bride has 2 issues with wedding: a memorial and her sister's SO. AITA? "Wondering if I’m a bridezilla."
"AITA for not wanting a memorial for my half sister and wanting my sister's boyfriend at a different table for my wedding?"
26 F am getting married in December. Some of you may read the title and think I’m horrible so I need to give a lot of backstory.
My parents are divorced. My dad (who is putting about 15,000 toward the wedding) has a second wife and lives in a different state. He has 2 kids with her. His daughter (7) was born sick and I wanna make this as anonymous as possible so that’s all I’ll say about the illness.
My dad told us she was probably not going to live very long. She died last November (2022). My dad and his wife want a special memorial table dedicated only to her next to where we planned to set up other pictures.
I politely said no and my bf agrees with me. Maybe I’d feel different if I was closer to her but I really only met her maybe a dozen times.
I haven’t seen her since Christmas of 2021 which was the last time I visited my dads state. I feel like it will bum people out, and my bfs family doesn’t know she is and neither do alot of friends. I don’t have anything against her I just never really knew her. They’re pushing this because the wedding is near the one year anniversary of her death.
Second issue. My sister (24) has a long dating history and always insists on bringing the guy to every family thing almost immediately. There’s probably a run of 6 Christmas photos in a row where there’s a different guy there with her. She has been with this guy now since July. We had the seating set before she started dating him. I don’t even want to invite him but caved on that for my sister.
She is at the head table and I don’t want to try to squeeze someone else in, or kick someone out so he is sitting at a table with a few of her friends. Sister is very upset because she wants him sitting next to her.
But I barely know the guy I don’t want to change seating so he could be at the table. I also told her I would be offended if she wanted to sit with him over me. Also it’s not like people are going to be sitting besides dinner so she will have plenty of time with him. So wondering if I’m a bridezilla here.
Edit Yo obviously we are going to have a picture of my half sister on the table at the wedding but I just don’t want an entire table for her.
Here's what top commenters had to say here:
Apgamerwolf said:
Risking downvotes NTA. The half sister was essentially a stranger to you have a small chair reserved for her is enough specially cause most of the guests won't know who she was and probably won't be attached to her either.
For problem 2 even more NTA for all you know sis won't be dating this guy by the time of the wedding or well next year at least (you have plenty of evidence with the Christmas fotos.
tell your sis you already made enough of a compromise for agreeing to invite who is practically a stranger to the wedding but you won't treat him as family and if she is really uncomfortable with the idea of having him stay at another table then advice her you think is best if he doesn't come. If she potest to that just be firm with your compromise even he stays at his assigned sitting or doesn't come no ifs or buts be firm
demon803 said:
NTA on both counts, a wedding is really no place for a memorial, they are just two completely different sets of emotions. The sister's boyfriend needs to sit at the tables with the "others". Every wedding seems to have one, he doesn't belong at the head table since that is for the wedding party, most of the time the wedding party is not sitting with their spouses or SO either.
ParsimoniousSalad said:
NTA. Your father can have his own memorial event for your half sister (and it doesn't matter how much $ he contributed, it was for a WEDDING, not a MEMORIAL TABLE).
It's perfectly normal to seat only the wedding party at the head table. She's not required to sit there very long and she can be separated from her date for one meal. Your wedding isn't about her.
Jibz8 said:
NTA. It’s nice that your dad is contributing but this is your day, not theirs.
Ok-Profession-9372 said:
NTA. Both very reasonable positions and your edit makes it clear you're not trying to erase your half sister. The good news is your sister will probably be with a different guy by next Christmas and your first wedding anniversary.
kenzkie98 said:
NTA for both points. Half-sister: you said she’d be included on the family picture table. Having a whole separate table just for her is a bit much. Sister’s current boyfriend: at the weddings I’ve been in and attended, the head table is for the wedding party only.
Spouses/SOs/ dates are seated with the rest of the guests. Even when there’s a sweetheart table, the bridesmaids/groomsmen/ushers have had their own tables, with their "others" being seated separately.
chaingun_samurai said:
NTA. This is your wedding day, not your half sister's memorial. As for the random dude? Nah. Sit with the guests.