Bride refuses to invite her 'biological creators' to the wedding, 'I cut them both out.' AITA?
"AITA for refusing to invite my biological creators to my wedding?"
The man I (27f) call my dad my whole life, the man who has raised and loved me and who was my whole entire world as a kid is not my biological father. The two of us found out when I was 8 years old after my "mother" aka biological creator #1 announced she was leaving dad for my "father" aka biological creator #2 and at the time she believed he was the biological father to me and my brothers. Turns out only I was unlucky enough to be created by this person and he had known about us our whole lives, they had an affair our whole lives at that point and had chosen not to step up or find out so he could be a father.
I was devastated and so was my dad. It felt so unfair that she had taken that away from me and I never forgave her for making another man my biological father... I hate calling him that as much as I hate calling her my biological mother... My "mother" tried to get sole custody of me and take me from my dad completely so she could raise me as the other guys kid for real.
They said I needed a relationship with my "real dad" and the courts and therapists disagreed with her and believed, like I said, I needed my dad or it would forever ruin me to lose him. So I had the same custody split as my brothers and was an equal amount of time with dad than I was with them.
Biological creator #2 tried so hard to get me on side and tried to have a relationship with me but I did not want to know him and no amount of therapy changed that. Biological creator #1 never stopped trying to get me all to themselves and tried to screw dad over and me by extension several times. She tried to accuse dad of parental alienation and all kinds of crazy stuff.
She tried to claim I only hated her because he made me. That's how awful she is. Biological creator #2 was pretty disparaging of my dad too and he called him selfish for stealing me when I was "his daughter" and my dad was just the guy biological creator #1 had been married to. I told him that's all he was. I told him he knew about me and chose to be a deadbeat and did not get to insult the man who still claimed me even though I wasn't genetically his.
I cut them both out when I turned 14 and the courts let me live with my dad full time. It was exactly what I needed. I never regretted cutting them out either. Now I'm getting married and biological creator #1's parents, who I'm not that close to but do still have in my life (for now) are saying I should invite them to my wedding and that I shouldn't deny them the chance to see me get married.
I told them it wouldn't happen and they argued that the estrangement has been long enough and I could go back to it right after, but this is a huge deal and I never gave them a chance to make it up to them. I hate this argument so bad but I wonder does it make me TA if I refuse to invite them. AITA?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
v2den ssaid:
NTA and kudos to you for using those terms. Normally I just call them egg and sperm donor.
Legitimate_Mud6834 said:
NTA You should nip this in the but and tell those "grand biological creators" that the will be disinvited if they continue to bring this up.
Professional_Ruin953 said:
The thing is, they had ample chance to make things right with you, to set up a safe and happy second family home for you, they failed. Instead they spent every opportunity they had on dismissing and disregarding your feelings about your dad’s role and place in your life.
They used every chance they had to create discord in attempt to break the emotional bonds you had with your dad. They did everything they could to try rip you away from a trusted and loving parent. How many more chances do they deserve?
NTA. And it’s not a reconciliation your grandparents are after if they are saying you can go right back to no contact after the wedding. They don’t care about righting wrongs, about knocking sense into their daughter and her husband so they apologize and make right their previous actions. It’s a performative display they want you to jump on the twitching of their strings.
Squiggles567 said:
NTA. Your wedding is not the day to invite trauma-bringers to. You shouldn’t bear the burden of others’ feelings on this day. Even if you were to let your bios back into your life, this would take a lot of therapy. Not a quick immersion with them on one of the most important days of your life. Weddings are about celebration. Have the people who will help you feel joyful, and who will support your marriage, with you.
TheVaneja said:
NTA it isn't your responsibility to let them make it up to you. They have to do that themselves, it's the cost they signed up for when they chose to be AH's. I'd tell the 'grandparents' to mind their own business it has nothing to do with them. I'd also have someone making sure to watch out for wedding crashers. Might even disinvite the "grandparents." I used the term 'grandparents' to save myself confusion I mean no offense.
RocknRight said:
Absolutely. You are NTA. Why would you want them at your wedding? I’d reconsider letting the grandparents know any of the details. I can see some unwanted guests!
Dranask said:
NTA. Estrangement is too long from their point of view. However who cares about their daughter’s projected self entitlement? Continue doing your thing and maybe threaten your grandparents NC if they push their daughter's crap.
Apart-Ad-6518 said:
NTA. "I never gave them a chance to make it up to them." No. No. And No. Your day, your choice. Why would you want people there who caused you so much heartache? "I should invite them to my wedding." Tell them to S T F U & disinvite them if they don't. Congratulations! Enjoy your special day.