Bride refuses to let MIL cater engagement party, 'the family LOVES her food;' AITA?
Relationships with in-laws are notoriously tense, but when problems come up before the wedding it can raise some especially scary red flags for the future...
If your partner's parent is judging every move you make before you even walk down the aisle, future family holidays might bring some extra special nightmares. So, when a conflicted bride decided to consult the moral compass of the internet otherwise known as Reddit's 'Am I the As*hole' about the food at her engagement party, people were ready to help deem a verdict.
AITA (Am I the As*hole) for not letting my MIL cater my engagement party?
Not to toot my own horn but I'd say that I'm a pretty good cook. It's something I enjoy doing in my free time and makes me feel good to make the people I love a meal to enjoy.
My fiancé and I recently got engaged and just had our engagement party last weekend that consisted of about just under 30 people. We hosted it at our house. I knew right away that I wanted to cater my engagement party and make the food for my guests myself.
My MIL and I have an ok relationship, but she's one of those women who thinks that everything she makes is the absolute best and anyone else's efforts are sh*t. Her food's pretty good, but it's nothing compared to my mom or my grandma's cooking I had growing up, but obviously I keep my mouth shut about that.
Every time we've had a family dinner at her house and I offer to bring something or even help her out in the kitchen she refuses and makes up excuses like 'it won't be done properly' or 'it won't be as good as mine.'
So when she found out about my engagement party she asked if she could bring some dishes. I politely declined and said that I will be catering the food myself.
She got offended that I declined and started saying how she should make the food because my husbands' side of the family LOVES her food and nothing will compare to hers. My husband told her to let it go, that it was our engagement party and my cooking is amazing so everyone is sure to love it.
Night of the engagement party rolls around and I had spent hours in the kitchen making a bunch of dishes that I made sure were perfect. My family and friends LOVED the food and could not stop complimenting me on it.
My fiancé's side of the family were impressed too but my MIL and SIL weren't having it. Every dish my MIL tried she had something negative to say, 'oh my this is too overcooked', 'the sauce doesn't taste right in this', 'see this is why I should've made the food' etc.
My fiancé and I both heard these comments and he pulled her aside to confront her saying if she didn't like the food that she could leave, tonight is about us not her. She started going off about how it was so disrespectful of me to decline her offer when she is obviously a better cook and these dishes weren't made properly and how she feels bad for the guests.
I was just over it at this point and told her to 1) get her head out of her ass and 2) to leave the party because I am not going to be disrespected in my own house.
MIL, FIL and SIL ended up leaving and have been messaging my fiancée non stop about how I was so disrespectful and need to apologize for taking it too far and insulting her.
They even suggested he rethink his decision to marry me?! Fiancé told them that she needs to apologize to me first. Both my mom and grandma think that it wouldn't have been the end of the world if I let her bring a dish or two. AITA?
Of course, the jury of internet strangers was eager to weigh in on this family engagement party drama. Here's what people had to say:
northstarette said:
NTA. Your MIL was going to be an insufferable AH either way, better to start things off with strong boundaries that protect your peace rather than letting her browbeat you into doing things her way all the time.
She’s going to have a lot of trouble giving up that limelight she’s been hogging all these years. I’m glad your fiancé is standing strong beside you.
21stCenturyJanes said:
NTA who goes to someone's party and insults the host's food? She's just rude and you have an excuse to never invite her over again 'Oh, you wouldn't like the food so don't bother coming for Christmas.' However you handle it, you shouldn't put yourself in the position of this bullsh*t again.
I was going to say you should have let her bring a dessert or something to contribute but obviously that would not have been enough for this woman. Good luck. I'm glad you're fiance is on your side, you're going to need it.
Far_Anteater_256 said:
NTA. Why should you let her bring anything to your event when she always rejects your offer to bring something to hers? 'Be the bigger person' cuts both ways, & your MIL needs to learn that.
Wishiwashome said:
NTA I could say why not let her bring a dish or two, BUT they would have been THE best, greatest, most beautiful dishes of all time.
So NO. I will also say, be prepared for this MIL, SIL and FIL( because he just can’t fight it) to be this way the entirety of your marriage.
Sonsangnim said:
NTA You were attacked and you pushed back. But here's the thing. You need to make sure that your fiance will ALWAYS defend you from her narcissism or your marriage will not last long because she will be attacking you forever. Are you sure that he is absolutely in your side and not going to be cowed by her?
wildferalfun said:
NTA. Its the end of the f*cking world if she doesn't cook, so I am 100% behind you in dying on the hill that she doesn't bring food to your house ever. F*ck no. I wouldn't apologize.
They went too far by not politely eating and moving on, but to insult your cooking in front of you at your home, then question whether you should be marrying their son when you won't ignore their insults? Thank goodness you have your fiance's support, if not, that would be a deal-breaker.
So, there you have it...
Everyone agreed unanimously here that this bride wasn't wrong to put her foot down on her egomaniac future mother-in-law's cooking requests. Good luck at the wedding, everyone.