Bride REFUSES to let her mom's family stay with her the night before her wedding. AITA?

"AITA for not allowing my mom's family stay with us the night before my wedding?"

I'm (F) getting married in a couple of months and my fiancé and are super excited. We decided to not live together until we got married. Therefore, I'm still at home with my parents in the meantime.

When discussing the guest list some time ago, I originally did not want any of my mom's family at the wedding. And here's why. Last time I was up visiting them, it was for my grandmother who was in hospice.

I stayed up there to support my mom for 6 weeks. It was an awful 6 weeks. I slept on an air mattress and both me and my mom were treated terribly by her family for those entire 6 weeks.

Despite my grandmother dying a couple days before we left, I was accused of stealing, and I quote "Eating my aunt out of her house" and my other aunt would continuously ask me "what was wrong with me" since I was single and not married yet. (I was only 22). The things they said about my mom, and I can go on and on.

Despite all this happening, some years later my mom made up with her sister. But I on the other hand, do not hold a grudge, but chose to NOT spend my time with these toxic MEAN people, family or not.

They have never even bothered with me and the aunt that shamed me for being single, only finally reached out to me after she heard I was getting married.

Now back to making our guest list for my wedding. I did not want any of my mom's family there. I think that was pretty understandable. But nope, my mom would let it go. I was FORCED to add them on. But I asked for a compromise.

I asked, "They can all come to the wedding BUT I asked they please stay somewhere else for my very last night at home.” The night of the wedding I’m gone, so they can do whatever they want at that point.

But now that the invites are out and my mom has got her way, I am now being forced to let them stay here the night before. Mind you, my aunt’s husband does drugs and they are heavy smokers which I do not want to be around before my wedding.

Now my mom does not want to come to my wedding because of this. And my dad is completely taking her side in this despite originally agreeing with the compromise before I sent out the invitations.

Let's see what readers had to say:

frateh writes:

NTA. I completely get why you don’t want them there, and IMHO, your compromise was more than reasonable. That being said, as it’s not your house, ultimately you don’t get a say in whether they stay there or not, it’s up to your parents, as much as that sucks. I’d recommend getting a hotel. I know you probably wanted “one last night at home”, but is it worth it?

geelry writes:

NTA. You mom is wrong for forcing you to invite them. Unfortunately, since you don't own the home, they have the right to dictate who stays in their home. To me, the compromise would be to get an AirBnB or even a hotel room so that you can be out of the house while they're in town for the wedding.

Then mom gets her way, you don't have to be near them, and after the wedding, you can go low or even no contact with your parents for completely disrespecting you and your feelings.

I wouldn't even tell your mom what you're doing until the day they're going to arrive. Just pack everything you might need and let her know as you're leaving for your temporary lodging.

polish writes:

Yta so your mom sat on you and held a gun on you until you invited her family??? How else could she force a supposed adult? You sound too immature to be getting married. If at your age you cannot make your own decision you are immature. Maybe that is why your mom acts the way she does.

You don't seem to be able to make any adult decisions on your own. So mommy makes decisions for you. Then you whine here and ask strangers to decide for you. Wow.

hjuyt writes:

"Okay then. I'm extremely disappointed that you want me to leave a day sooner, but I guess my last day at home will be the day before. I thought we could have a sweet mother-daughter moment the night before I get married, but it's clear that you are more interested in prioritizing the people who have treated us so poorly. I hope they treat you better this time."

NTA. Your mother is spending an awful lot of effort on people who don't really seem to deserve it...but at the end of the day, that's her choice. But you get to decide when your last day at home is, and I would encourage you to make it be one day sooner. Maybe you can stay with your MOH or another bridesmaid, or maybe stay at a hotel.

preganuyt writes:

NTA. If your parents want to be around that kind of toxicity, they are more than welcome to it. Unfortunately it's a "their house, their rules" type deal. You don't need to be around it and you have every right and reason not to be around them though.

Get yourself a nice hotel room where you can have a nice peaceful night before your wedding and if your parents are saying they aren't coming, then that's fine, they will be the ones missing out and regretting it down the line. If they don't come, that also gives you a reason to ban your mother's toxic family from attending as well and ruining your special day.

Hire yourself some security to turn them away at the door so you can have only the people YOU want at your wedding, who truly love you and your SO. Don't stress over this and good luck, I hope you and your SO have the wonderful wedding you both deserve!