Bride refuses to let niece be flower girl, 'she will ruin my wedding;' AITA?

Kids can be adorable at weddings, but they can also be disruptive nightmares of destruction on a very expensive, heavily planned out, and hopefully once-in-a-lifetime day...

So, when a conflicted bride decided to vent to the moral compass of the internet otherwise known as Reddit's "Am I the As#hole" about whether or not she'd be wrong to cut her niece from the role of flower girl, people were ready to help.

"AIBTA if I didn't ask my niece to be a flower girl?"

I (28F) and my fiance (30M) are planning our wedding and originally wanted his niece (3) and my niece (5) to be co-flower girls. My niece is the only little girl in my family, so it's pretty much expected by the whole family that she will be a flower girl in our wedding.

For some background, many members of my family (myself included) think that she is on the autism spectrum, but my sister and BIL refuse to entertain any idea of that being a possibility.

I absolutely adore my niece, but after seeing her as the flower girl in my brother's wedding last week I do not want her in mine.

Examples include chucking the flower petals at the guests like she was pitching a major league baseball game, screeching through the entire ceremony, getting up onto the altar and doing a Fortnite dance while they were exchanging their vows, climbing onto the tables during dinner...

Going to the middle of the dance floor during the wedding party speeches and taking her dress off, and grabbing the microphone to announce that she had to poop.

She is an only child so my sister and BIL think this is completely normal for her age and that her antics are just THE CUTEST, so it's not easy to ask them to supervise her more closely and to be honest, I don't trust that they would if I asked. I love my niece, but she is out of control in formal settings.

I feel really selfish for thinking that she will ruin my wedding, but I was mad FOR the bride last week and can't imagine how I would feel if it were me.

I don't want to upset anyone by not asking her or having to explain why I'm not asking her, and she will still be invited to the wedding so I'm sure there will be some antics, but after discussing it with my fiance we agree that we do NOT want her to be a part of the ceremony.

So, WIBTA for asking his niece to be our flower girl and excluding my own?

Here's what the jury of internet strangers had to say about this one...

cornelioustreat888 said:

You might consider not having a flower girl at all. That way, no one will be hurt. Personally, I’d have a serious talk with your sister about acceptable behavior.

The parents really need to step up. The behavior you described is not typical of a three year old at a serious event like a wedding. Good Luck!

Elevator_7711 said:

NTA. Only one flower girl is required. No need to mention why the girl wasn't asked, but if you're confronted simply say that you were considering her but as she was already flower girl before you and your fiance decided to give the younger girl a turn - imply you only ever considered having one flower girl.

PrettyLittleAccident said:

NTA. Heck, I wouldn’t let her anywhere near the wedding.

VeronicaSawyer8 said:

NTA. Do you really need flower girls at all? It may be easier to just say you are not having them.

The 3 year old definitely will not care. You can say you decided to streamline the wedding party. If asked "why" just say "because that is what we decided."

oaksandpines1776 said:

NTA. Even if she is not a flower girl, she will probably act out. I would not invite her or lay out your expectations to her parents clearly.

So, there you have it...

Everyone agreed unanimously here that this bride wouldn't be wrong to prevent this toddler from causing a scene at her wedding, especially after she has a folder of evidence from her past wedding behavior.