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Bride refuses to speak to family after they left wedding early, 'my mom looked bored.' AITA?

Bride refuses to speak to family after they left wedding early, 'my mom looked bored.' AITA?


"AITAH for refusing to speak to my family (wedding edition)?"

My husband and I were married in September and I haven’t spoken to my parents, sisters or bridesmaids since (it’s December currently). I will try to be as blunt as I can. I was married out of province at a location 4-7 hours travel for my family.

It was also a bilingual wedding, he is French/I am English. I invited 40 people and 30 came, but my husband’s side was much bigger at 150, so basically it was a 200 person wedding.

The ceremony was beautiful, it was everything I dreamed of. The reception is where it went awry, as 2 of my 5 bridesmaids became belligerently drunk to the point they were removed from the building. The other three bridesmaids did not get up from their table one time, they sat for 3 hours and did not talk to anyone but themselves.

We didn’t have an emcee and our food situation was very hectic so we were trying to keep people entertained while they waited for their food- my mom looked bored as she sat playing a game on her phone at the head table, totally oblivious that other people were waiting 3 hours for their food. My dad was being social, but he always follows mom.

We were late cutting the cake at 9:30 pm and our dance commenced by 10:15 pm or so, but by then my parents, sisters and other bridesmaid had said their good nights to me and left.

They didn't stay for more than 1 song at our dance, and what hurt the worst is I didn’t get my daddy daughter dance I had been looking forward to my whole life. My entire side that I invited was gone by 10:30pm on my wedding night.

The next morning I arrived at the house everyone was staying at, and nobody was there. It was 8am and everyone had left at the same time to catch the ferry back to their home province. My phone was dead, so when it recharged I got several texts from my friends and family saying how lovely a time they had.

This is when I became incredibly upset because they could have waited 15 minutes for me to come say goodbye and have a minute with my family. They weren’t going to miss the ferry, they would be there with 2 hours to wait and 2 more ferries in the day. We were hosting brunch- they didn’t even have to stay for that, just at least say goodbye to my face, I feel I deserved that.

I also understand that people are tired, but I had a 10 month old at the time that nobody even offered to help me out with, I had no sleep but I still turned up because it’s expected of me. My husband even paid the whole thing because he saved his whole life for a wedding.

Lastly, since I refused to speak to anyone, I have been told I am immature, I’m mad for no reason, I am tearing the family up. Apparently my sister is telling my 5 year old niece that “Aunty will get over it and remember us."

This same sister keeps trying to text me like nothing has happened. So, am I an arse for not speaking to my family/friends based on their actions at my wedding?

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

A-typ-self said:

Your wedding wasn't well planned. It happens. You didn't even start dancing until after 10. That's not anyone's fault but unless you communicated with your parents, how late did you expect them to stay/wait? What was wrong with your parents behavior? Did you expect them to fix the situation?

Even your bridesmaids, ok the 2 that got kicked out are jerks but you Saud you only had 40 people invited, and there was a bi-lingual situation. How many people did they know? Honestly it sounds like it was your husband's party and your family was the afterthought, and they acted like it.

Not everyone expects the brunch the next day, usually in my area that's the first day of the honeymoon. So why would they stay and wait to say goodbye, that happened already the night before. I get it, things didn't play out the way you wanted. But it's not their fault either.

Plastic-Abroc67a8282 said:

YTA. Honestly it sounds like they were a bit rude, and I'd be rightfully pissed at your bridesmaids, but 99% of this family situation is the result of your poor planning.

You were the ones who screwed up the food, screwed up the emcee, screwed up the timing, screwed up your phone communication, etc. It's all on you, you can't blame the guests for not fixing things on your behalf. And they certainly aren't obligated to watch your kid.

SocialGrenades said:

YTA. Sounds like it was a very poorly run wedding. People were probably hungry and irritated and tired. Can’t really blame them. You should have just let it go. But you went and made a big thing of it. And now you’re stuck. (No excuse for the two drunk slobs, though. How embarrassing!)

lyr4527 said:

YTA 100%. Your family is correct that you’re being immature and overly dramatic. This is a truly silly reason to go no contact with your family. What are you even mad about? They came to your wedding but didn’t dance enough?

Left early because they were hungry and tired? Sent you a text thanking you instead of speaking to you in person on the day after your wedding—when it would be reasonable to assume you were busy? Stop being such a drama queen.

amberallday said:

YTA. That sounds like a terrible wedding to be a guest at. I don’t understand why you aren’t apologizing & trying to make it up to them! I cannot see that they did anything wrong.

If I went to a wedding that was so badly run that the food was THREE HOURS LATE, I would have probably left after the first 1.5-2 hours to go & buy myself some food somewhere else - unless it was in the middle of nowhere & too hard to leave for an hour. I think they went above & beyond staying as long as they did.

Why was your wedding so badly organized - and why don’t you feel more guilty about how badly your guests are treated?

ETA: also, did you do anything to introduce your side of the family (Including bridesmaids) to the other guests before the wedding day? Things like hen nights or even the night before the wedding (if the guests aren’t all local) for an informal get together, so that on the day people aren’t all strangers.

If you didn’t do that, then it’s not really on your bridesmaids or your mum to go around introducing themselves to random strangers. A good hostess takes charge of that - and they certainly don’t criticize their guests for not doing their job for them!

thegreymoon said:

YTA. I'm sorry, but this sounds like a wedding from hell. First, it was a destination wedding, so obviously a lot of people are not going to make it. Second, it was a poorly organized mess and I don't see how it was on your guests to fix it. Third, these were your guests, not your babysitters.

Organizing childcare was your job. Fourth, this is your wedding, of course you were expected to show up. I actually laughed out loud when I got to that part of your post. Your guests? Not so much. Fifth, your guests were hungry for hours and exhausted by the time you got your big moments underway.

These people had to travel early tomorrow, it was late, of course they wanted to sleep. Sixth, it was you who didn't charge your phone and never bothered to contact your family to make arrangements to see them before they left. I can't believe the ferry time was not planned way in advance.

They tried to get through to you to say goodbye, but your phone was off. I could go on, but this covers the biggest points. The only aholes were the two drunk bridesmaids. The rest is all on you. Fix your attitude before you irreparably damage your relationship with the people who love you.

No one was on OP's side for this one. What's your advice for this bride?

Sources: Reddit
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