Bride refuses to swap weddings with 'free spirit' cousin who just got pregnant. AITA?
"AITA for refusing to swap my wedding venue date with my cousin who got pregnant?"
I (28F) have been planning my wedding for over a year now, and my fiance (30M) and I finally found our dream venue with the perfect date set for late summer this year.
We deliberately chose a weekday because it was significantly more affordable, and we're both okay with a smaller, more intimate gathering that a weekday might necessitate due to some people not being able to take time off work.
Now, here comes my cousin "Lily" (also 28F). She's always been a bit spontaneous and a free spirit. She recently announced her pregnancy, and the baby is due right around the time of our wedding.
It's her first child, and she's incredibly excited, as we all are for her. The problem started when she asked me if we could swap our wedding date for hers, which is scheduled for a few months earlier at the same venue.
Lily's reasoning is that she wants to have her wedding before the baby comes, and since she's already a few months along, her options for dates are limited. Also, she's been quite emotional about not wanting to be heavily pregnant in wedding photos.
Her date is smack dab in the middle of my busiest season at work, where I typically work overtime and taking days off is practically impossible. Not only would swapping dates be a logistical nightmare for me, but it would also mean losing some of the vendors we've booked, as they may not be available on the new date.
Moreover, we carefully curated our guest list, with several important guests needing to book flights and time off work for our original date. If we were to change it now, with only five months' notice, it would likely inconvenience them and lead to lower attendance. On top of that, my fiance and I chose our date because it has sentimental value to us — it's the anniversary of when we first met.
When I tried to explain this to Lily, she became upset, claiming that family should always come first and I was being selfish for not accommodating her situation. Now, some family members are taking her side, saying it's just one day and I should make the sacrifice for her sake.
I've had a couple of sleepless nights over this, feeling torn. On one hand, I want to be supportive of Lily during this exciting time in her life, but on the other, I feel like my fiancé and I have reasons that hold just as much weight for wanting to keep our planned date.
So, AITA for not swapping my wedding date with my cousin even though she's pregnant and has a tighter timeframe to get married?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
SubstantialYouth9106 said:
NTA. Lily is selfish and entitled as hell. Why should you swap your wedding day? Lily got pregnant and decided that she did not want to be heavily pregnant during her wedding day.
If she wanted to be married first she should have been more careful or adequately timed better. Then to pull the family first card and get family members involved is manipulative and conniving. It is not just your day, but also your husband's. Invites, etc have already been in the works and probably sent out.
Tell Lily a firm no and if she and any other family members have an issue with it then they can be uninvited. Your wedding day, your happiness. Lily showed you that she doesn’t care about you and she can’t get everything she wants just because of pregnancy.
taterrtot_ said:
NTA. You picked the date and booked vendors, which like you said, may not be available on the new date and could lose you your deposit. She shouldn’t have gotten pregnant in the middle of planning.
Jesse356 said:
NTA. Your reasons are valid and it is important to prioritize your own plans and commitments. It is unfortunate that Lily is upset, but it is not fair for others to pressure you into making significant changes to accommodate her situation, especially given the logistical challenges involved.
-ImagineReality- said:
NTA. Keep the date. You have given multiple good reason that trump her reason for not looking pregnant in wedding pictures...I am pretty sure she was present when they made the baby and when they planned the wedding.
So it's not your fault she sucks at planning such things better. She can find a different date when the venue opens up, even if it is after the birth of the kid.
boredathome1962 said:
NTA. Family should always comes first, she means HER family, not yours. Family isn't just blood, but all the relationships with people that we love. You have sorted it that all your family can be at your wedding.
She didn't, so she wants to swap. But never mind that, you can't do the dates you want to swap for, so it's just a NO. Blood is thicker than water, they say. But so is porridge, but you don't invite the Quaker Oat guy to your wedding.
IncredulousPulp said:
NTA. “You’re so right, Lily, family should come first. That’s why you would never upend my life and destroy all my wedding planning because of your own issues.”