Bride refuses to take the same flights as her friend for honeymoon, 'she can be clingy.' AITA?

"AITA for telling my friend I don't want to take the same flights as her for my honeymoon?"

I'm (F, 30) getting married very soon and planning to go to Barcelona for my honeymoon, which I thought I had told my best friend (F,30). A few days ago my friend told me that she is planning a trip to Barcelona the day after my wedding, which I was initially taken aback by since I thought she had planned this knowing that I was going.

My friend has joked before about tagging along to my honeymoon and feel can be clingy at times which has been noted and commented on by other friends. She made it clear that she didn't know about my plans but that she will go ahead with her plans.

I would prefer if this wasn't the case but I can't stop her from going to a part of the world. From previous encounters, I anticipate that she will want to spend some time with us while we are there and can foresee her feeling offended if we don't.

I suggested to my friend that if we are all going at the same time, that my husband and I book different flights. I expressed that I would not feel comfortable being on the exact same flights.

After our conversation I get a phone call from my other friend asking me what I've done to make my best friend upset. She was upset by the comment that I made about feeling uncomfortable with taking the same flights and can't understand what about that makes me uncomfortable.

She says that I have made her feel as though she's done something wrong hence, why I'm avoiding being in the same airplane as her. This was really surprising to me and now my best friend doesn't want to speak to me and my 2nd friend is seemingly on my best friends side and says I should apologize.

I feel so confused. I feel as though I am justified in wanting to take separate flights. I don't want to dismiss my friend's feelings but I'm struggling to understand her reaction.

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

ThePhilV said:

She's manipulating you by weaponizing her emotions, and I would bet that she's done this for your entire relationship. What you said to her was entirely reasonable - it's your honeymoon, of course you want some private time with your new spouse. It's not even about your friend, but she is making it all about her.

Just remember that you can't control her responses to your boundaries, but you can control what happens when she crosses them (and how you interact with her while you set those boundaries).

You're NTA for what you said, and you said that if you wind up in the same place, she will wind up attaching herself to you and your new spouse for at least a part of the trip based on past experience. This girl sounds, frankly, obsessed with you, and it's probably time to have a frank conversation with her about it.

I can understand if you want to wait until after the wedding, but I would CERTAINLY rebook things, if not the flight, the entire trip, so that you can avoid her crashing your honeymoon. After that, I would consider cutting her off - this is majorly manipulative behavior on her part. I wouldn't want that sh$% in my life.

IamMaggieMoo said:

NTA - your friend is being manipulative and doing some damage control by complaining to your other friend and playing the hurt party to distract from the fact she is essentially trying to tag along on your honeymoon.

I'd give her a sorry "YOUR feeling that way" non apology and then I would provide her with incorrect details of your flight and mention a hotel on the opposite side of town from where you will be staying.

If she tries calling or messaging whilst on your honeymoon have an auto response message set up that states "thanks for reaching out, we are currently on our honeymoon and will reach out when we return."

_s1m0n_s3z said:

NTA. Your friend was totally planning to crash your honeymoon. She's indignant because you let her know you won't let her do that. Not anything about the flight. She had this lovely fantasy about being the third wheel at your honeymoon, and you crushed it. Now she's stuck with a plane ticket to a solo vacation she doesn't want to take alone and a best friend who doesn't want to see her there.

Izzy4162305 said:

NTA. Change your flights. Do not tell anyone other than a parent where you’re staying, tell them they are not to give that information to anyone, and TELL THEM WHY. As someone above suggested, put an automatic message response on your cell phones.

And use this opportunity to start distancing from this person, because she sounds a little unhinged and it will not help your marriage when she tries to crash everything else. Having visions right now, if OP has kids, of this friend trying to get into the room while OP is giving birth.

Prestigious-Data1788 said:

NTA. It's obvious she booked the flight to Barcelona intentionally and there's nothing wrong with distancing yourself from her during this trip, it's your honeymoon after all. totally not blaming you, but your mistake was telling her your plans while knowing how clingy she can be.

kingselenus said:

NTA. Hey guess what? If you don't tell her what flight you're on, what hotel you're staying at, what things you plan to do and what time, she can't find you. Even if she begs! Tell her a different time, different location, and when she's upset that you weren't there; "Sorry something came up!" "We saw something interesting, got lost, forgot the time!"

VY_Canis_Majorys said:

NTA - for wanting some privacy on your honeymoon, and it's totally justifiable to want separate flights. Your friend might be feeling upset, but it sounds like she's overreacting. Just explain to her that it's about needing space for your trip and not about avoiding her. Hopefully, she'll get that you didn’t mean to hurt her feelings