'AITA for not inviting my kids to my wedding? They want me to forgive my ex.' AITA?
"AITA for not inviting my kids to my wedding?"
I 48F am getting married to 39M, never been married before. This is my second marriage. The first ended with my husband cheating on me and moving in his mistress.
He offered me a tidy sum to divorce him. I took that money and moved abroad where I met my now husband. My kids 27M and 25F are angry they were not invited to my wedding. They found out through extended family that I am getting remarried.
I am not in contact with them, my choice. They kept trying to make me get along with my ex and his mistress. Apparently, I was to graciously roll over and accept their disrespect. I have no desire to be friends with my ex and mistress. AITA for not inviting my kids to my wedding?
EDIT:
We got divorced 5 years ago so they were 23 and 20. They wanted me to be friends with my ex and his mistress. My ex wanted me to give my blessing for his relationship. Apparently, I was his best friend and he loved me as the mother of his children but he was in love with his mistress. He was shocked when I no longer wanted to contact him.
My kids thought I should forgive him and be friends. They went as far as to invite me to lunch or dinner with them and then surprise invite my ex and his mistress. They would host family events with their SOs and lie to me that ex would be earlier or later so I didn’t bump into him.
Of course he was always there. They cannot handle the fact that he and I are no longer on speaking terms and want us to get along.
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
Maya2661 said:
NTA. The way your children have behaved towards you so far, I would be worried that they wouldn't do something wrong at the wedding. Also I still think it's pretty cold-hearted and selfish for your children and ex-husband to keep confronting you about your ex-husband's cheating and asking for your blessing??? WTF is wrong with them? Your kids are over 20 and should know better.
1968phantom said:
NTA. Sadly it may take something like what happened to you to happen to them before they understand. Congratulations on your marriage.
mustbethedragon said:
NTA. My ex cheated as well, and I told my children (both 17) I won't hold it against them if they wish to have a relationship with the other woman since she was going to be around their dad. It's not been an issue, though, because they want nothing to do with her. They see her actions with their father as a betrayal of them as well. Your kids are in denial about what their father did.
Vegetable-Cod-2340 said:
NTA. I was very ready to say YTA after reading the title. My father been remarried 3 times since our parents divorced and neither myself or my sisters have ever been invited to any of the weddings, and we always thought we had a good relationship with our dad.
If you’re not in contact with them for your own mental health, then no you’re not required to invite them. A gentle reminder: You don't have to be the "bigger person." You don't have to accept insincere apologies.
You don't have to tolerate relationships that drain you. You don't have to spend your whole life showing up for people who have no interest in showing up for you.
Pillowprincess_222 said:
NTA. This is bewildering to read. People expect women to constantly sacrifice for the sake of others. They especially think mothers should enact ultimate sacrifices to appease others. I’m happy that you did not give in and enjoy your wedding.
Do your children have relationships. Had they gone through what you did, I can guarantee that they will not be as gracious. How does your ex feel about your fiancé? I doubt that he wants to be best friends with your fiance.
Schnucksworld said:
NTA. Your Ex, his mistress (because let’s be honest she’s always going to be the side piece) and your kids SUCK. Congratulations to your wedding OP, I wish you and your new husband all the best!