Bride refuses to make an exception for 5-year-old nephew to attend child-free wedding. AITA?
"AITA for not making an exception to my childfree wedding?"
I 24F am getting married in less than a month and I want a childfree wedding. I have always said this and in the invitations it says that it is childfree. I have been to wedding where there are children and some have screamed during the ceremony and reception. I was at one where a kid didn't want to wait for the cake to be cut so he snuck up and grabbed a handful. The bride was horrified.
My sister 28F has a 5 year old and she said she was happy to have some free time. Her boyfriend was going to stay behind the day of the wedding to be there with my nephew. I guess his friends rented out a cabin somewhere the week of my wedding and he wants to go so he doesn't want to, and in his words, "Babysit that night."
I love my nephew. I do. But when things aren't about him, he will do anything to make it about him. She asked if I can make an exception and she'll keep him quiet. I Just don't trust her on this situation because my Grandmother had her 80th birthday recently and my sister made the same promise to our family that she'd keep him calm. He broke away from her and blew out our grandmothers candles and pushed the cake off when my dad tried to redirect him.
She said she won't be able to find someone to watch him and I said I would help her find someone and she said she doesn't trust him with anyone so I told her she needs to tell her boyfriend that it's not babysitting and he said he'd be there for her and their son during this night.
The venue has open water and a lot of open field. I also don't want him to get hurt because he loves to run around and get into trouble and she rarely stops him. So I told her I'm sorry but I can't. She called me AH for inviting our cousin who turned 18 in December. I told her she is an adult and she can watch and take care of herself during this event.
There will also be alcohol and...other activities...later in the night. I don't want a child around that. Our cousin is even leaving before we do the other stuff. She'll only be at the reception an hour or two. She says "She barely turned 18, I'm your sister and you can't do this for me."
EDIT:
He is my sister's boyfriends child. 2. I have talked to my fiancé about hiring security. I don't want to take away my guests time from having fun. This is all so sad to me because she's my only sibling but the fact that she tries to pass him off on other people when she gets tired... I can't do it.
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
GennieLightdust said:
NTA - I had my wedding and reception on a bay cruise. Because of the small bathroom facilities and the fact that we would be on a MOVING BOAT IN THE OCEAN, I was ruthless in my child-free rules.
You're NTA for wanting a child free wedding to hang loose, you are DOUBLE NTA because the environment isn't safe for a 5 year old. It's estimated that 400 children drown in water whether its a pool, a hot tub or a pond per year.
streiburn said:
NTA! I'm planning a wedding too and it's incredible how people go crazy when you decide to have a childfree event. I'm 100% sure your nephew would not even have a fun time because he's too young to enjoy an event like that. The only AH here is your sister's boyfriend, and she shouldn't be taking it out on you, OP.
Wine_Ancient320 said:
NTA. This is YOUR special day. Invite whomever you want and set any rules regarding who comes.
Wine_Ancient320 said:
NTA. This is YOUR special day. Invite whomever you want and set any rules regarding who comes.
damienwolfe said:
NTA. It’s your wedding. You can invite whoever you want. This also includes not allowing whoever you want to attend. Childfree weddings are not uncommon. She chose to have a kid. She chose her boyfriend. Her boyfriend made a choice to leave her without a sitter. Poor planning on her part is not an emergency for you. Curious, How would you feel if she and the kid attended the wedding, but left before the reception?
The_Bad_Agent said:
NTA. Your sister's baby daddy is definitely TA. And your sister is too, for not accepting "no" the first time. Your sister can stay home.