Bride refuses to 'tone down' my wedding dress, 'she's always lived in my shadow.' AITA?

"AITA for refusing to 'tone down' my wedding dress because my sister’s wedding is a week after mine?"

I (29F) am getting married on August 10th. My younger sister (26F) is also engaged and planned her wedding for August 17th, just one week after mine. Totally fine—we’re close, and we were both excited for each other. Here’s the issue. My wedding dress is very simple—sleek silk with a square neckline, no lace or beading, kind of a minimalist vibe.

My sister’s dress is also on the simpler side but with some lace detailing. Last week, she saw a photo of my dress during a fitting (our mom showed her, which I wasn’t thrilled about). She called me afterward crying because she said my dress would “overshadow” hers.

She said since her wedding is after mine, her guests will see my photos first and think her dress is “a cheaper copy.” She asked me to either add some kind of embellishment or statement accessory to make mine “less plain” and “different from hers or to agree not to post any wedding photos until after her wedding so people don’t compare.

I told her no. My dress is already tailored and paid for, and honestly, I don’t think anyone cares that much about comparing dresses. Plus, why should I alter MY wedding day because hers is a week later? She got upset and said I was being selfish and that she’s “always lived in my shadow” (for context, I’m the older sibling and was the first to graduate college, first to get engaged, etc.).

Our mom is siding with her, saying I should “compromise just this once” because “sisters only get married once.” My fiancé thinks this is ridiculous and that my sister is making it about her. Now my sister says she might skip my wedding entirely because she doesn’t want to feel “second best” the whole day.

I feel guilty because I don’t want to hurt her feelings, but it’s also my wedding, and I really don’t think I’m being unreasonable. So…AITA for refusing to change my dress or delay posting photos to avoid upstaging my sister?

Here's what people had to say to OP:

throw05282021 said:

NTA. Your mother and sister are insane to think you should alter your wedding dress. Your sister's emotional baggage is her problem to deal with, not yours. No one else is going to be looking at your wedding dress and thinking about your sister's wedding or looking at her wedding dress and thinking about yours.

If your sister chooses to skip your wedding, that's her prerogative. It doesn't sound like you have anything to feel guilty about.

No_Mention3516 said:

NTA. Tell your Mom to reel her in. SHE caused the problem.

MrsBoo said:

NTA. Who plans a wedding for the week after their sister’s wedding and doesn’t expect there to be any comparisons between the two? We had two weddings we went to last year and there were comparisons that we made when we talked about them because there are always going to be.

They are the same type of events. Maybe your sister needs to be the one changing her dress since she’s so worried about it…

EchidnaFit8786 said:

NTA. Keep your dress the way it is. The only one hurting your sisters feelings is her. She's the one putting herself in your shadow. She's the one making herself feel second best. Your mother is feeding the monster.

Tell your sister, "We are sisters. We are not competing in some great competition. Our lives will happen as they happen. I will not stop living because you have insecurities, I'm sorry. While I love you & want to support you.

Supporting you shouldn't mean tearing myself down in any form. If that's what it takes for you to feel supported by me or for you to go to my wedding. Then I think it best you don't go. If you also feel as though I overshadow you so much, I can also refrain from attending your wedding. That's a choice I leave for you to make. All the best. With love, OP."

Useful_Context_2602 said:

NTA. Presume your mother went dress shopping with both of you? Surely she could have directed your sister to a different style.

Throwawaylife1984 said:

NTA. No one will care. Why did she plan her wedding a week after yours anyway? I think if you walked down the aisle in a trash bag, she's fins something else that needed changing.

Hermit-Cookie0923 said:

NTA: Your sister is not mature enough to marry if she's this upset over a dress and racing to have her wedding straight after yours. Your mom saying "sisters only marry once" is ridiculous: she should know that people who are more concerned about the wedding than the actual marriage don't stay married long.

Enjoy your dress and she can spend the money changing hers - or just leave it alone because she's making up an issue that isn't real to anyone but her.