I (23F) recently got engaged to my fiancé (21M). Our wedding is set for next summer, and so we have begun some slight planning. To preface, my future mother in law has always been let’s say overwhelming and in our business ever since we started dating in high school.
THE DAY we got engaged, we were celebrating with some drinks at our local bar. My MIL kept mentioning not so subtly how she has never had a daughter to wear her dress, and then proceeded to abruptly suggest that I wear her wedding dress.
Quote, “I think my wedding dress is in the basement. I think I can find it, and seeing as how I don’t have any daughters, I thought you could wear it” I sort of laughed the comment off, there wasn’t any way in my mind she was serious.
For context, she got married at 30 in the late 90’s and the dress has puffed sleeves and a collar and is quite honestly just NOT my style or taste at all. Not to mention she was quite overweight at the time, so said dress would need to be taken in a lot for it to fit me, and she has made clear she doesn’t want drastic alterations made.
That aside, I set my wedding dress shopping date and invited her. She is unable to attend due to some other family conflicts but she did repeatedly insist through text messages that I try on her dress before I go look for one.
I have yet to respond to her, and don’t know what to even say. Would I be the A**hole if I plainly told her I wasn’t going to wear it?
NTA, but there's no need to be unkind about it. A simple, "I think I'd love to choose my own dress, but I truly appreciate the thought" is all that's required.
I used to own a bridal shop. Whatever you do, don’t try on that dress, I used to love a restyle (our seamstress completely rocked them) but since she wants control over the alterations there’s no way you‘ll wind up happy, so politely decline.
I’d keep everything having to do with your dress as low key as possible. Don’t take a bunch of people shopping or invite them to your fittings. Tell everybody you want to keep your dress a surprise.
You’re absolutely NTA here and she should be able to figure out that a giant 90s dress is not the vibe for a modern bride. So hold your ground on that! But for the sake of harmony maybe you could do a “something borrowed” from her like a piece of jewelry or something?
NTA I have never understood the idea of forcing someone to wear an old wedding dress. It would be different if you had asked or were incorporating part of it into your own dress. That said, most wedding dresses from the 90s & the 80s should be burned as the fashion-don't they were.
She obviously can not take a hint , yes a more direct statement is in order.
NTA - Just tell her no. No is a complete sentence. Tell her you want to pick out your own dress in a more modern style. Just say "Thank you but no." And certainly do not try on the dress - that just leaves the door open to more discussion.