Bride rejects FIL's offer to walk her down the aisle, 'my sister will be doing it.' AITA?
"AITA for rejecting my FILs offer to walk me down the aisle and insisting my sister will be doing it?"
This is a dispute my fiancé (26m) and I (25f) are having with his parents. A few months ago his dad offered to walk me down the aisle even though he and my fiancé's mom knew I had already asked my sister to do it. At first I thought it was sweet because they explained it as my sister could be my bridesmaid or matron of honor. But I explained my sister wanted to and I wanted her to as well. But they have not let it go and now they're offended that I refused the offer.
Context on why my sister: she raised me and our siblings. She's the oldest and was parentified when she was way too young. She was our savior. She was our everything. I love her more than I can express. She gave up a childhood and her young adult life for us. And she did an awesome job for a kid but it was really unfair. It changed our relationship forever.
We will never have a typical sibling relationship and I respect her the way I would respect my parents if they were good parents and people. My sister never should have been put in the position she was. She never deserved to have her childhood taken away or most of her 20s. It wasn't right but it was our reality.
The two of us are especially close and I have always tried to honor her for everything while also having a more mutual give and take relationship as adults. But moments like this, for us, are when she deserves to shine and have a spotlight on her for doing what she did for me/us.
Nobody in my life deserves this honor more. And it wouldn't be anywhere near as meaningful with anyone else. She gets an extra special role in the wedding and some details are being figured out still. But this is something that we're doing. She might only be 10 years older than me but she has been the best parent and sister and friend anyone could ask for.
My fiancé understands this perfectly and has been on my side. He has spoken to his parents to get them to stop. But they have made it clear they feel I am rejecting FIL and saying he's not good enough. They feel like I should be looking to them more as parental figures because I don't have the traditional ones myself. I don't. But I have my sister and she's the person responsible for who I am today.
I know they take issue with a woman so close in age to me doing what is typically the role of a parent. I know it's kind to offer to do it. So I ask, because this has created so much drama, AITA for rejecting FILs offer?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
Homeboat199 said:
NTA. Why are people like this? I would reconsider this marriage. It sounds like you will have issues with them for the rest of their lives.
PyrBox001 said:
Geez, NTA. Why do I get the impression this will be just the first of many issues you are going to have with your meddling in-laws? Use this as an example of setting boundaries with them; that is, NO MEANS NO. Good luck. And be thankful your fiance has your back when dealing with his family.
KBD_in_PDX said:
The walk down the aisle is symbolic. It's a symbol of the bride being 'moved' from one family into her new family with her partner. Like you said, you are who you are today, because of your sister and how she raised you. For you, the symbolism of having your sister stand up with you is what matters, not that an "actual" parent gives you away.
There's nothing to say but, "FIL didn't raise me, my sister did. I want HER blessing in this marriage, which is why I've asked her to 'give me away'. I won't accept any alternative in this matter, because THERE IS no alternative to my sister. There is no rejection in my saying this, only truth of what my sister has given me, and my desire to honor and thank her for everything she's done." NTA and congratulations.
catskilkid said:
NTA. WOW!!! It is 100% your choice who walks you down the aisle. The officiant asks how in one form or another, who is presenting the bride into marriage. I am not saying a FIL can't, but it certainly is more contra tradition than an actual blood relative/long time family friend. I wish you the best, but you need to keep your guard up with future decisions (kids and their schools/sports/how they dress, where you all will live....) if this is actually causing trouble.
RoyallyOakie said:
NTA...Like so many stories, your future in-laws are making your wedding about THEM instead of you. Ask whoever you want to walk you down the aisle. It's important to set these boundaries now.
BakerZealousideal623 said:
NTA. The wedding march is an incredibly personal moment, and it's essential that you're comfortable and joyful during that walk. Your sister clearly plays a significant role in your life, and that should be honored. It's wonderful your fiancé supports your choice this united front will be crucial as you navigate future family dynamics.
Setting clear boundaries now is healthy for everyone involved. Remember, conceding now could set a precedent for future compromises on big moments and decisions. Stay true to what feels right for you.
ClassicTrue9276 said:
NTA. Whatever the symbolism of the "giving away" once was, now it acknowledges a parental role in the bride's childhood, which your FIL hasn't had. Maybe he can talk his son into letting him walk him down the aisle?
Riyokosan said:
NTA. It is your wedding and your decision. Your fiancé has your back and this is the most important here, also your sister is hapoy to do it. I don't know if you would have dances but if your husband to be plan a dance with his mum, what about you having a dance with his dad?
ReviewOk929 said:
NTA - This is all about honoring your sister who made you the person you are. It is a kind offer but it is unkind of them to persist, create drama and not respect your decision. Sadly I'd suspect they will be creating more drama for you in the future.