Bride 'shuns' coworkers, refuses to be helpful after they didn't congratulate her on her wedding. AITA?

"AITA for not being helpful anymore after my coworkers didn’t congratulate me on my wedding?"

My husband (M38) and I I (F32) got married in July. Since we work in the same place but in different teams, I thought the contrasting treatment is very telling. In our workplace, it’s very common to gather a token amount of cash and a card. He got gifts from his team, the neighboring team and some coworkers in private. I got one coworker who’s been a rock after 2020 and was invited to our wedding.

The rest of my team didn’t bother; however since I was somewhat hurt, I stopped helping out with their jobs and solely focused on mine (I’m in a project whilst the others are working in a hotline)- and effectively, most of them now have to bother our SMEs instead of me.

Here comes the issue. The SMEs have asked me to please start helping out again, since it’s been challenging for them, but I said that I don’t see this as my issue anymore, especially since my team showed me they don’t appreciate me.

I was told that they of course did not forget me and I would get “something” in September. I reiterated that one card without money in July would have been “appreciation." Scrambling to pretend to care about me three months after the fact is kinda disgusting and I’d rather they didn’t put on a show.

Now my team is being extra nice and all I want is be left alone and not having to deal with their problems. I’ve been told I’m petty and should just be normal again and let them make a celebration in my honor in September, which I vehemently disagree with -to the point I actively avoid the team by switching to my home office when they gather.

AITA for shunning the team after they didn’t even congratulate me verbally on my wedding? Info: yes other people get gifts for birthdays, weddings, babies and stuff, I always pitched in or organized the celebratory part with food and drinks.

A huge point of contention is that I don’t gather paperwork at the office anymore which I did since all of my team is in the home office and sensitive data can’t lie about.

Now paperwork is either not being done or falls back on the SMEs. Same with five to six standard tasks no one figured out how to do, I refuse to teach them, since knowledge transfer takes time and I don’t want to take the time to help. AITA?

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

XCrimsonMelodyx said:

NTA. When I got married, I worked as the office girl at a trucking company - I was literally the only woman in the building. I came back the Monday after my wedding and I had streamers on my door, a bottle of Barefoot wine and a card signed by all the drivers with a GC for Bath and Body Works...

(One of the managers said the guys recommended it because “that’s what women like”). Even though I’m usually not a fan of cheap wine, it was honestly the sweetest thing and I’ll remember it for the rest of my life.

Trailsya said:

This is what you get for doing more than your job description asks for. And I mean that in the nicest way.Instead of appreciating what you did extra, they call you petty for just sticking to what you were hired for, which is exactly your right. I also learned to guard my boundaries at work.

Used to do all kinds of work for all kinds of departments. And while those colleagues would say thanks and the occasional verbal appreciation, my whole department was usually skipped during the big meetings when it came to appreciation etc.

So now I do the work I was hired for, and perhaps a little more for people who are appreciative, but I am not going too far out of my way anymore. NTA by the way. You do what you were hired for. If they want you to do more, they should offer you a new job title and a raise.

JCIL-1990 said:

NTA. One of my colleagues was given a paid day off and condolences card and gift when her pet rat died. When my high school friend died, I got a lecture on needing to build resilience because "things happen in life."

I gave zero fs to anyone after that. My advice to anyone is know your job description, and don't go overboard. Appreciation very quickly turns into expectation.

Aiyokusama said:

Tell the higher ups that you are doing your job and if they want to expand your duties that it needs to be reflected in your compensation package. NTA. They did take you for granted and now they aren't happy that you won't put up with it.

RhubarbRocket said:

You are NTA, but consider a different approach. “I’d be happy to start helping out with other jobs again, but I’m going to need a rewritten job description and a raise.”

GalianoGirl said:

I feel you. NTA. I worked for a small company for 11 years, at the most there were 8 employees. I was the receptionist. I organized birthday lunches, cakes etc. Nobody ever acknowledged that I had a birthday, not once. The office manager did payroll, she had access to records that showed when my birthday was. I completely understand doing work to rule.