'AITA for telling my mother-in-law she doesn't have a say in my wedding dress?' UPDATED 2X
"AITA for telling my mother-in-law she doesn't have a say in my wedding dress?"
Me (23F) and my fiancé (25M) are having our wedding in January and my MIL has been pushing me about the wedding guest list and wants me to change my bridesmaids dresses (the colors are ocean themed) and she didn’t want them because she didn’t like the ocean but I’ve been planning since March and don’t want my plans ruined.
But after that never got resolved my in-law’s came over when I just put our baby (1M) upstairs for a nap when I came downstairs I was surprised to see them but said hello I was confused why my fiancé was so happy, my and my fiancé grabbed his mother’s phone and showed me the dress (it was a light purple dress it didn’t match my theme at all).
I told her politely that it didn’t match my theme and I did not need this dress because I already had the perfect dress she ignored my words and showed me another dress it was light blue, above the knees and lace topped. Why would she think someone would wear that on their wedding day?
But of course I said no my mother in law screamed at me calling me an AH and said "it was her day too" and I just told her that she does decide my wedding dress because I already chose what I wanted to wear. My MIL ran out crying and my fiancé and FIL of course ran after her leaving me with my baby who she woke up.
After about 2-3 hours my fiancé came back and the first thing he did was scream at me saying that I should just accept the dress my mil picked out for me because it was his mother's “DAY TOO” and told me if it was that big of a deal he would go to his mother's house and rethink our 6yr relationship.
He left me bawling my eyes out and I’m guessing he told my mother because today she messaged me saying that it wasn’t a big deal and to suck it up, my siblings and dad are all on my side but I still want to know because my fiancé’s family is threatening me and some of my family are doing the same. So AITAH?
Here's what top commenters had to say:
CartmansTwinBrother said:
Oh dear... you're with a mama's boy. You're in trouble. If you decide to get married this woman/witch will cross your boundaries so much you'll think you're France and she's Germany. Please reconsider marriage. I'm not saying break up but you and your fiance need marital counseling if he acted like this about the wedding dress for YOUR wedding.
This is a symptom of a bigger problem. Does this happen often? Does she make demands and he jumps at the demands/requests that are actually demands? Please reconsider getting married to this boy (yes I called him a boy, he's not a man clearly). He's still sucking on mommy's teet if this is how he reacted.
llamadrama2021 said:
NTA OMG You need to put a MAJOR stop to this marriage. Your fiance has just shown you that he will ALWAYS pick his mom over you. For the rest of your marriage you will always be second fiddle. It won't stop with the dress. Everything in your life will be dictated by mommy dearest. Is that really what you want?
JuliaX1984 said:
NTA Tell your ex-fiance to have a great wedding to his mother! Ugh, some people...
south3y said:
Reconsider this marriage. NTA.
Agreeable-Badger2204 said:
Do not marry this person. You need to take your baby and move home with mom and dad.
One-Awareness3671 said:
NTA, but your fiancé is clearly a mommy’s boy. He’s not marrying you, he’s marrying his mother, and you’ll spend your whole life living according to his mother’s opinions. Is that really the life you want?
FIRST UPDATE:
We broke up and he’s said that he’s gonna aim for getting full custody but before we talk about the custody. When I told him I want to break up he went into a full grown man tantrum this made me sick to my stomach he broke my vases and threw my plants and even threw some plates at me.
It was disgusting I’m glad I got this on camera, I also saved the video hope he has good luck with the custody because he won’t be getting it. By “My mom” I meant my step mom so it could be easier for you guys to understand and also my biological mother is gonna sue them because she was paying for the wedding by herself, and we will see how this goes. Thank you so much this really opened my eyes!
SECOND UPDATE:
Hey guys, it’s been about 1-2 months maybe longer since I posted here and I have a huge update, things have become worse but a little good honestly. So first my ex Mil tried break in while my son’s babysitter was babysitting she didn’t know what to do (she knows the drama) so she called the police on her for trying to break in and enter and planned kidnapping.
The police came about 5-8 minutes early (in her words) so Ex Mil was arrested and put in a cell I think, about 1-2 days after Ex Mil was arrested Ex fiancé came threatening me and my baby, this really shook me because what did my baby have to do with this?
I have many cameras in the house and from the edit I did get full custody, but back to the threatening, I immediately called the police, as I waited for the police I told him “You are crazy I’m glad I got you out of my life” and reacted not so kindly to that I waited 9-13 minutes before I heard the police scream at him and jumping on (I have no clue what happened).
I was upstairs making sure my baby was safe from that monster. Soon after I came outside, and they told me he had weapons on him so they where both in prison but his mother got bailed out after about 15 days. But he’s still in there for now.
Here's what people had to say about the update:
Numerous_Bridge7270 said:
Stay connected with support systems, friends, and family who can offer emotional assistance during this difficult time.
Intelligent_Hour_880 said:
I am so sorry to hear about the challenges you are facing. Your safety and your baby's safety are the top priorities.
Large_Alternative_78 said:
You need better security and support system! RO doesn't mean anything to unhinged people, they could still come to harm you. If that last sentence scares you then good because I fear this is far from over. You need to move ASAP. Good luck.
Existing-Ad6711 said:
Did you know they were like this? You were with him for 6 years, was he able to hide his violent insanity for all that time? So sorry btw that you had to go through that. But what a relief you got out of it before you were married. Imagine how he would have raised your kid. And what a relief they made it so easy to get restraining orders and full custody.