Bride snaps at her mom while wedding planning, 'am I being a bridezilla?' AITA? UPDATED
"AITA for snapping at my mom during wedding planning?"
She keeps telling me that there are certain people I “just have to invite and hope they don’t show,” but why can’t I just not invite them? I don’t want my creepy uncle at my wedding. I don’t want his annoying kids at my wedding.
I don’t want my ahole aunt and her SJW son at my wedding. It’s MY wedding. Am I being a bridezilla?? Why do I have to invite people to celebrate ME getting married when I don’t want them there??
EDIT:
Some folks have asked how much she’s paying for the wedding. We haven’t talked about it much, but she says she wants to contribute. She’s also mentioned a thing here or there that I’ll have to “get over,” like putting the flower girl (my baby sister) in burgundy so she’ll “pop out” when the color scheme is emerald and gold.
I kind of just want to pay for the wedding myself so that she’ll get out of my face. I’d have to take out a loan, but I have 0 debt, so I’d be fine. I’ve been engaged for less than a week and she’s already really been pressing my buttons.
UPDATE:
I called my fiancé when he got off work to vent to him a bit, and he’s just the best. He reminded me that even if these people show up, we agreed when we started planning the wedding that we don’t want to elope or have a small ceremony. We need my mom, but this is a battle I can choose to lose.
He even said that if these people come, we can come up with a code where he can come over and rescue me if I get trapped in an awkward moment. I can feel the bridezilla calming down.
I’m still not thrilled, but at the end of the day, he’s right; if we want to afford our dream wedding, I’ll have to invite some people I don’t want to see. And then I can avoid them! I’ll be setting some firm boundaries with the flower girl dress, though, and most everything else.
Thanks for making me feel like I’m not crazy. Planning this wedding with my mom has made me feel like I’m insane and we’ve only been planning for four days.
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
EJ_1004 said:
NTA. My Mom and also got into an argument about this while I was engaged so I decided to elope instead. No guests = I can do as I please. And no, if you don’t plan on having relationships with these people moving forward, and if you have the cojones to not care what your other relatives may think then don’t invite them, especially if you’re the one paying.
“Mom, I understand that we have different mentalities regarding wedding invitations but I’m not inviting people I don’t want there, and if you continue to push you will not be involved in any further planning. I want this day, and the days leading up to, to be as stress free as possible. I’m fine dealing with our relatives ire, if they have any problems send them my way and they’ll be dealt with accordingly.”
AnAverageRedditorFan said:
NTA - It's your wedding, so only you (and your spouse) decide who can come. The argument that you have to invite all family members because it's family is absolute nonsense. If you don't want to invite someone, you don't have to invite them. And you don't have to justify this decision.
2_old_for_this_spit said:
NTA. Your mother already had her wedding, now it's your turn. Limit your guest list to people you actually want there. Choose your attendant's outfits according to your wishes, and trust me, your little sister won't need a different color to be noticed. Work with your fiance to create a day that reflects both of your dreams.
Do yourself a favor and make sure that you put in writing with the venue and every vendor involved that only you and your fiance are authorized to make any changes or additions, and create a password that they must verify before they even speak to anyone. Let your mother know that anyone not on YOUR guest list will be asked to leave the venue.
ymsasp said:
NTA. It is your day and you should be able to invite who you want. If it makes you uncomfortable to have those people there then that is totally valid. Your mom needs to respect your wishes. You should not feel guilt over this decision.
Waste_Worker6122 said:
NTA. You don't. It is your wedding, you get final say on the guest list. If you're old enough to get married you're old enough to tell Mom to butt out.
Realistic_Head4279 said:
NTA. This is your wedding so YOUR way. Set your boundaries now and stand up for what you want, especially since you are willing to bear the financial consequence of not bowing to Mom's wishes.
BackgroundGate3 said:
NTA. Tell her it's your wedding and if you and your fiancé don't get to have the wedding you want, including choosing the guest list, you'll just elope instead.