Are you required to offer babysitting services for families who cannot attend without bringing their children along? Is a child-free wedding inherently rude when kids can be so adorable in their tiny little tuxedos, or it completely acceptable to want to avoid a soundtrack of crying babies during your very expensive vows?
So, when a conflicted bride decided to consult the moral compass of the internet otherwise known as Reddit's 'Am I the As*hole' about drama that occurred at her child-free wedding, people were ready for the juicy tale.
This couple I’m not very close with but the wife is a long-time family friend so I felt that I should invite her.
To be clear, all of my invitations stated that there were to be no children at this wedding. But she and her husband showed up with their infant and toddler (who I think is like 3-4).
At the actual wedding ceremony, I let it slide. I was preoccupied for obvious reasons. I also thought that maybe they planned not to attend the reception or to have someone pick the kids up before it started.
(My niece, who was our flower girl, and a few other kids who had to be at the wedding for one reason or another we’re getting picked up/dropped off after the ceremony ended).
Anyway the reception rolls around (I’m fast forwarding through irrelevant details about the wedding but it was beautiful and everything went as smoothly as could be expected). The couple comes and, lo and behold, they still have their children.
I had many other guests and didn’t really feel like dealing with it so I asked our event planner to go over to them and discuss whether someone was picking up the child as the reception (and wedding, frankly!) were not supposed to have children.
I mean, everyone was drinking and loud and rowdy and a crying child and another little one running around was not part of the plan. (The infant already had to be taken out once during the wedding ceremony because of fussiness and the toddler was, from what I could see, already appearing cranky).
My event planner went to talk to the couple. I could tell they were arguing with my event planner though so I went over to help him. I think they thought I came to rescue them because they started going on about how rude my event planner was.
I explained that I had actually sent him over to discuss the children. I reiterated that the event was child-free and said that I had stated so clearly on my invitations.
The wife gave a sort of apology and then assured me that they were capable of minding their own children to make sure they didn’t get in the way of anything. I said that wasn’t really the point.
That’s when my now-husband comes over and he and the other woman’s husband begin going back and forth and things got a little heated.
Finally I snapped and said that they just needed to go, which, thankfully they did without much more noise. Still, the whole scene was incredibly embarrassing which is exactly what I wanted to avoid.
I really hate that my wedding day had to be somewhat marred by this incident. According to my mother, everyone was talking about it and I guess enjoying a little dramatic entertainment. Was I the a-hole for making them leave?
_joesummer_ said:
Absolutely NTA you stated it on the invitation and asked them politely first. I feel awful that a day that was meant to be the best of your life was tarnished by the event.
julesinlrar said:
NTA. You were clear and they ignored that. Then they had the gall to make a scene at YOUR wedding. Good riddance. They sound like complete as*holes.
tezoatlipoca said:
NTA; you stated this is a child free event, they brought kids anyway, then were asked politely, they should have taken the cue, come said 'wonderful wedding, but we have to get these dudes home for bedtime!' then left, but no they persisted. Causing drama at someone else's wedding is the ultimate douchebaggery.
Not for you obviously, but for anyone else who is doing a no kids wedding: you have to know your guests. If you know them well enough to know that they'll make sitting arrangements, great.
If you don't know them well enough, its always worthwhile to give them a little call, make sure they know this and maybe point to some sitting services your parent friends nearby you could recommend.
But no, as a parent there'd be no way in hell I'd bring my kids (when they were small, loud and drooly) to a no kids wedding. The closest I'd come would be a quick 'Hi, congratulations! My sitting arrangements didn't work out so I can't stay very long. Just wanted to say congrats!'
UnfairCanary said:
NTA. I have a baby. When I get invited to things like weddings, I scour the invitation and sometimes check in just to make sure it’s ok to bring the baby. If no babies are allowed, I get a sitter or don’t go. I would never think to impose on someone’s day like that.
P_Flange said:
NTA. Unbelievably rude to you, and unfair to your other guests, that they would think the rules didn't apply to them.
blindedbythesight said:
NTA, but I definitely think your mom could have held her tongue rather than make you worry about what people might be saying. Also, it reflects poorly on that couple, not you, for not respecting your wishes.
ImThatMelanin said:
they gambled with the “if we do x there’s no way they’ll have the guts to do z” card and lost...absolutely NOT TA!!
Everyone agreed unanimously here that this bride wasn't wrong to kick out this rude and entitled couple for thinking they were above the rules that everyone else didn't have a problem following. Note to couples planning a child-free wedding: hire a kid bouncer.