Bride tells dad: 'I don't care if you don't come to my wedding.' AITA?
"AITA for telling my dad I don’t care if he’s absent at my wedding?"
For some backstory: I (F24) have a rough relationship with my dad’s (M43) wife, E (F41). They got together in 2006, married in 2011, and have had two children since then. E has never liked me. I was introduced to her when I was 7 and things were instantly sour.
She was mean, snarky and had no interest in me whatsoever. Now, as an adult, I can tolerate her behavior (which has gotten significantly worse as I’ve grown up and began to talk back).
The issue lies with the fact that my dad has always allowed it. I’m a grown woman and can handle myself now, as I’ve been doing for years. But when I was a child, he had nothing to say about her borderline abusive behavior and will find ways to change the subject/excuse it whenever it’s brought up. This has significantly damaged our relationship, and we’re low-contact as of now.
So, I’m getting married in November this year to J (M25). We’ve been together for 11 years. E is insistent that she will be there. She will not. I have made this clear since we got engaged in November 2023. My dad is invited, but I made it plainly clear last year that she wasn’t welcome as a result of her behavior, attitude, and treatment of the both of us.
*It’s worth mentioning here that J also doesn’t want E present as she is discriminatory - J is trans (FTM) and E will deadname him, make comments about it all, and is overall hateful. He is also defensive of me given that he has been with me for the majority of E’s treatment.
So; my dad met with me last week and told me that if E wasn’t present at my wedding, he wouldn’t be either. I honestly expected something like this to happen, so I said that it was fine.
He was confused and asked me to elaborate, so I explained that he didn’t have to attend, but it meant that I would never speak to him again. I had dealt with him choosing E over me for almost 20 years and that my wedding (of his first and only daughter) being a subject of debate was the final straw.
He said nothing for a moment afterwards and then got up and left. E has been blowing up my phone with explicit texts but it’s been radio silence from my Dad since our chat.
As I said - I’ve dealt with E’s treatment, and by extension, my dad’s silence for almost two decades. My wedding feels like a good place to finally end this all, to start over. I don’t see a way to fix this, or our relationship, as long as he’s with E. AITA for telling my Dad I don’t care if he’s present at my wedding?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
Having-hope3594 said:
NTA. There’s been no effort of apology or reconciliation. It’s strange that E would even want to be at the wedding anyway.
Stardust_Shinah said:
NTA. Neither your dad or E deserve to be present for your day. Have a wonderful wedding without them there, they made their beds they can lay in them.
Marillenbaum said:
NTA, anyone who will deadname and be bigoted towards your spouse has no business at your wedding. It might be worth springing for an off-duty bouncer to make sure neither of them are able to disrupt the ceremony/reception. I’m sorry. It sucks when our parents aren’t good people.
ComparisonFlashy8522 said:
NTA. You defused his ultimatum which was a big shock. He's now thinking back on what has got him to this moment. E is rapidly escalating as she sees her grip on your dad is in possible danger. Why does she even want to go to your wedding if she dislikes you so much? Was she planning to create a scene to draw the attention away from you?
Ok-Guidance-2112 said:
NTA, your dad was spineless and let a stranger treat his daughter like shit for years. Now he gets to live with the consequences of that choice. He is upset that for once he can't just ignore what you want and do whatever he likes. I would formally rescind his invitation and have someone in the wedding party keep an eye out in case their entitlement leads to them trying to show up anyway.
External-Hamster-991 said:
NTA. You need to let security know to keep them both out. She'll want to make a scene and he'll want to show you who's boss. He needs to learn the boss in this instance is YOU.