I (f23) have just recently started planning my wedding. For context I moved out when I was 17 after my dad and mum had split up. I haven’t had a relationship with my mum since for different reasons.
My dad has been with his partner (f50’s) for the last 3/4 years. A year ago I got engaged, we had told everyone that we had no intentions of getting married straight away due to financial reasons and we wanted to save. My dad a couple of days later said to get price a wedding and he would pay for the wedding breakfast and we could cover the rest.
Since this my dad’s partner has started dictating that my auntie can’t come as she isn’t friends with her anymore and making constant remarks about how she doesn’t want other people coming as it would make my auntie feel comfortable at my wedding.
There has also been points that she’s made as if she is my mum, trying to organize to go for dinner with my in laws, wanting to make her child (no relation to me) a flower girl and who I have as bridesmaid.
My dad has also started making remarks every time I see him about how expensive the wedding is and jokes with a tone like 'you're robbing me" etc. the cost of the wedding hasn’t changed since we priced it.
It’s starting to really ruin my wedding planning and making me really nervous about the actual wedding to the point I don’t want my dad to pay for it anymore and would happily cover the cost. AITA for telling my dad’s partner to back off and telling him not to pay for it anymore?
Sorry I didn’t make it very clear we have booked the wedding after my dad agreed to pay, the amount being around 6k in the grand scheme of weddings is very minimal. My dad’s partner is a girlfriend and not married, I think she feels that as my dad is paying a part of the wedding she gets an input and worried that when the wedding comes round it’s going to get worse.
I’m glad it seems I’m not the ahole was just worried that it would come across that I was being ungrateful by asking him not to pay.
NTA. Take back control and pay for it yourself. All you have to do is say, 'Dad, I appreciate your offer to pay for our wedding. It was very kind. However, having reviewed our plans, we don't really need the money and would like you to keep it. We will be paying for the wedding ourselves."
If he insists, just let him know that he can provide a monetary contribution to your honeymoon or future home if he wishes, but that is entirely at his discretion. Don't get into the things his wife is trying to manipulate or the "jokes" he keeps making. There is no good ending if you go down that path.
NTA, the wedding has stopped being fun. Your celebration of marriage should be a happy occasion, not a stressful one.
NTA but I think you need to have a frank discussion with your dad. It might just be that he doesn't realize how the jokes are coming off. You are definitely within your rights to tell your dad's partner that you will be making the decisions on your wedding and that' that sort of thing.
It's not immediately clear that the dad is intending to be malicious with his comments. I'd see how he responds to a discussion about it before deciding to definitely reject his funding.
NTA. Set this boundary now before too many things are set in stone. This woman is making your wedding about herself and your dad is letting it happen. Take control of the situation.
NTA. Decline their offer and control your own wedding.
NTA. Sit down with your father privately and basically say to him what you have said here. It is your wedding and nothing to do with his current partner. She gets no say in anything or she will not be attending your wedding. Be firm on this. Anything us just between you and your father.