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Bride tells MOH that the bachelorette party she planned won't work, MOH quits, ends friendship. AITA?

Bride tells MOH that the bachelorette party she planned won't work, MOH quits, ends friendship. AITA?


"AITA for telling my now ex-MOH that the party she planned isn’t doable for my friends and family?"

I (f35) am getting married in October (yay!), I met this other woman (42) last year and we became best friends instantly!, so when I got engaged I asked her to be my Maid of honor.

She was so excited for me, and I was genuinely excited to share this experience with her, she came dress shopping with me and even paid my dress deposit when I couldn’t and told me just not to worry about it and pay it back when I could as I had other wedding stuff to pay for, I was greatful and still am!

My issue is that she began planning my bachelorette party a couple weeks ago, I live about 2 hours away from her, and she suggested doing the party in her hometown, she also planned for us to rent out a spa, and then go bowling and then have a sleepover in her basement after.

It seemed like a good idea at first, but then she told me each guest would have to pay $150.00 for their spa treatment, then also for their own drinks and food etc at the bowling alley…this is where the issues began.

I expressed to her that my friends couldn't afford something like that, and also where she lives is kinda far for people to travel (where I live is already 3 hours), however somehow we ended up sticking with her plan for my bachelorette, we created a group chat and added everyone I wanted to invite and then told them the plans…

Almost immediately I had people messaging me privately expressing that they can’t afford that kind of thing, and the distance was also an issue as it would turn a 3 hour trip into a 5 hour one, the party wasn’t supposed to be until Sept so I decided to open up to my MOH about this and she lost her mind on me!

She basically told to plan the party without her because she isn’t coming, ranted about how she is done trying to make others happy, and how she had put a lot of effort into this party and that I should do something with out her, and then she told me that she was done with all of including being my MOH and that she just wanted to be paid back, and call it a day aka not be friends anymore.

I am actually in total shock, I’m shaking and so confused, I really do appreciate that she was going the extra mile to make my night special, but I also want people to be able to celebrate with me! So AITA?

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

LongshanksnLoki said:

NTA. I've never heard of a MOH-zilla until today.

radrenots said:

NTA. A truly loving and caring MOH would have been happy to have planned the bachelorette party you envision, especially given that your preferences are so reasonable!

I also would prefer to have the location be local so that loved ones could attend without it being a financial burden - I think that most reasonable people would agree. I think that you are now finding out that she is not a reasonable person and is probably not the person you thought she was.

Best to pay her back as soon as you are able to and to let the friendship go. You’ve only known her a year and her true colors are now showing. I’d count this as a blessing given that you will have plenty of time to re-plan your party and make it something that’s accessible to all you wish to attend.

You also will have avoided having her as part of your memories of your special day (and in pictures)! Definitely dodged a bullet in the long run.

give-me-awards said:

NTA. Your ex-MOH went overboard with the extravagant plans without considering your friends' financial situations. It's important to have a celebration that everyone can enjoy, not just a select few who can afford it. She's being unreasonable and selfish by putting her desires above your guests' comfort. It's better to have a simpler, inclusive party than an exclusive, unattainable one.

Greedy-Ad-3815 said:

NTA. You're just looking out for your friends' wallets and making sure everyone can join the party. It's a shame your MOH didn't take it well, but it's important everyone can celebrate without breaking the bank.

DawnShakhar said:

NTA. She wasn't being helpful, she was being controlling. Your friends couldn't afford what she planned, you told her so and she steamrolled over your concerns. Thankfully, after your friends contacted you about their issue with it, you told her not to do it.

Her blowing up is not because she tried to make you and your friends happy and you were being obstructive - it's because she tried to control your and your friends actions and expenses and you stopped her from doing it. This is all on her. As for the money - beg, borrow or steal, but return her loan to her ASAP. Then just ignore her going on.

Chiron008 said:

NTA but your ex-MOH is a demon. I saw on a psych stream to be careful of people who get close to you too fast and do too much; something about them being a frienemy and actually jealous of you.

Anyway, all of the things that she did for/gave to you had no conditions on them so technically they're gifts, however, you might want to consider paying her back so that she doesn't make your life hell and you can be done with her for good. Good luck on getting the arrangements in order and your upcoming nuptials!

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