'AITA for telling my future MIL not to come to the wedding if she doesn’t change her outfit?'
"AITA for telling my future MIL not to come to the wedding if she doesn’t change her outfit?"
I (26F) am getting married to my fiancé (26M) in a few months time. I offered to go shopping with my future MIL for her outfit as she only has sons and I thought this would be a fun thing to experience together. She turned me down and decided to go with a friend instead.
We had multiple conversations about what kind of outfit she would end up with, and specifically spoke about how I wasn't ok with guests wearing white or ivory, as in my eyes this is something that should be reserved for the bride.
She went shopping for her outfit yesterday, and sent me photographs of so many beautiful outfits that she tried on while she was still in the store. I answered right away and we were texting the whole time. I should probably mention that none of these outfits are white or ivory.
Yesterday evening, I checked in to see if she had been successful, and she then sent a photograph of the outfit she had bought, asking what I thought of it. It was not one of the photos she had already sent, and the dress is white. The store she bought it from is not cheap, and doesn't offer refunds or returns, which I know from shopping there previously.
I was FURIOUS. I spoke with my fiance and he agreed with me that it seemed she had purposefully been decietful because the dress is white. We agreed that the dress is lovely but that the color is crossing a line.
I haven't responded to MIL yet as I don't really know what to say. I don't want to be a 'bridezilla' but at the same time this is a boundary that I had established before she went looking for an outfit.
My fiancé has spoken to MIL, he hasn't mentioned my feelings about the dress but she has told him that she doesn't think I like it. When he asked her why she thought that, she stopped answering. Would I be the a@ole if tell her she can't wear the dress to our wedding?
Later, OP edited the post to include:
For those of you suggesting I change my dress, it's already bought so that's not an option. We also don't have many guests as we are keeping things small, and as my bridesmaids are not wearing white there are only 2 or 3 other women coming to the wedding, so suggesting they wear white also isn't going to pay off.
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
DELILAHBELLE2605 said:
NTA. What your fiance needs to do is ask to see the dress and the HE tells her it’s inappropriate to wear white. His mom, his issue. He can be a big boy and take care of this for you.
yep, he needs to handle it! “Mom we want you to look great at our wedding but white is just a no go colour - it might look like YOU were marrying ME which would be totally gross and ruin the day for me”
Ldrizz15 OP respondedL
It’s worth mentioning that my Fiancé is 100% on my side, but we are just uncertain whether this is a battle worth having. I don’t want her to think she can do what she likes and I won’t care, because what sort of precedent does that set for the future?
But also, she has accused me of being controlling about other wedding plans (like going suit shopping with my fiancé because he asked me to) and I feel like she is wanting to add fuel to the fire by getting me to veto the dress.
FoundationWinter3488 said:
NTA! My response would be -“Ha ha, very funny! I know you would never embarrass yourself by wearing white to a wedding and have people laugh at you. I’d love to see a photo of your real dress.”
BriefHorror said:
NTA but hubby should be handling this. "Mom you cannot wear that dress to our wedding."
Ok-Comparison-55 said:
NTA. That's your and your fiancé's special day, and it's common knowledge that white is reserved for the bride. I will say this, if she does show up to your wedding in a white dress, and her and your fiancé will be doing a mother-son dance, it will look very weird...
ERVetSurgeon said:
NTA. This is your MIL testing her power and influence over you. In front of your husband, call her out on it and specifically mention that the white dress was not one of the ones she sent a picture of and after you had discussed it, she did it anyway. Your husband needs to back you up. If not, this will be your life.
Then tell her that she is no longer coming to the wedding. I had to put my MIL in her place about our wedding and my husband 100% backed me up.
Tall-Negotiation6623 said:
NTA but tell your fiancé to be the one to tell her. He has to be the one handling it since it’s his mom.