Bride tells sister; 'Your NOT invited to my wedding, it's too much of a risk.' AITA?

When this bride to be bans her sister from her wedding, she asks the internet:

"AITA for telling my sister she is not invited to my wedding because of her behavioral problems?"

I am 28, Ginny is 25, Ron is 23. My sister ( Ginny) was a nightmare growing up. She was not pleasant at all and got kicked out of the home at 18. I admit our parent could have handled her better but she did not make it easy.

They did try to send her to therapy but it put a huge strain on finances. She wouldn’t do the stuff and my parents stopped doing it

I am older than her so she left me alone for the most part. My brother (Ron) was two years younger and she was a huge bully to him. She made his life a hell in the home. It got to the point that he would stay in my college dorm room to get away from her. He only went home after our parents kicked her out.

After that I didn’t hear from her for a while. Last year she reached out and wanted to catch up. Ginny is much better than how she was as a teenager. She reached out to Ron but he wants nothing to do with her. I see her once every few months.

I am getting married and I had a conversation with my brother of what would happen if I invited Ginny. He told me he would not attend, and I understand. So I didn’t invite her.

I got a call and she asked me why she was not invited to the wedding. She leaned about it from my aunt. I told her the real reason, the Ron would not attend if she was present.

This started an argument about how I chose Ron over her and that he is wrong for giving me an ultimatum.

It’s got around to the family and some are saying I am a dick for this while others think it is completely fair.

Let's see what readers thought:

actieanteat writes:

YTA. Listen, when a child is under the age of 18, it's up to parents to provide proper care and support. It sounds like your parents dropped the ball with Ginny. Not wanting to do what the therapist tells you is often a part of the mental illness.

I understand the emotional exhaustion and the financial issues, but between quitting mental health care for Ginny and allowing a situation to arise where your brother felt so uncomfortable in his own home, ... again, it sounds like your parents dropped the ball.

And now that Ginny is an adult, thankfully she is better. While your brother absolutely has the right to his feelings, he does not get to dictate the rules of family gatherings other than the gatherings he's hosting. Is there any real chance that Ginny is going to try to bully him at your wedding? I doubt it.

Do I understand that it may be hard for him to see her again? I do. He can ignore her. He can stay on the other side of the room. If yours is a large wedding, he can get lost in the crowd.

What I hate to see is the continual punishment of Ginny for stuff she did as a child, and for which she was parented inadequately. I would invite them both, and let the chips fall.

agan7 writes:

NTA...look my sister is getting married next summer. I'm the oldest, we have a brother in the middle and then her. There is huge rift between my brother and I. We have not spoken since April 2023 and have not seen each other since Dec 2021.

My sister got us both on a call, after talking to each of us separately. He was very very unhappy about this and did not want me invited to the wedding.

I told her it's her choice that I would be cordial to him but if he started I was walking away and would continue to walk away until the festivities were over then I would handle the situation if he could not return the cordialness.

The call went horribly with it devolving into a screaming match between her and him It ended with all 3 of us knowing going into it we are all getting invited. My sister expects us to act like adults and if one of us can't handle that she will have security put them out.

Its not the best solution by any means and I have tried to resolve the issue between my brother and I and it simply can't be resolved because I refuse to fight with him. He blames me for our mother's death and him losing a ton of money on the sale of the duplex he owned that Mom and I rented from him. I told him fine blame me if it makes him feel better, I didn't cause her death.

His loss of money fine blame me I lived there for 24 years and took care of our mother and he did absolutely no maintenance on the house even though I paid for the entire thing and he was only supposed to maintain it which he didn't.

I refuse to argue with him. That is his issue with me. If sis can't be a grown up then she can deal with the consequences.

bridequ7 writes:

NTA. It sounds like Ron is just trying to protect his mental health, so from that perspective it wasn’t an ultimatum, it was a reasonable boundary.

She may have been troubled, but that doesn’t erase whatever hurt or damage she caused and unfortunately that’s hers to deal with from this point on. The fact that she’s responding this way shows she hasn’t grown up all that much. You’re a good brother to stand up for him.

whitenightprimal writes:

NTA. Ron didn't give you an ultimatum, he just told you what would happen if Ginny was invited. He didn't say 'don't invite her or I won't come'. It was more 'do what you won't but I won't be there if Ginny is'. He didn't make you choose, was just honest about the fact he was going to remain completely NC with Ginny even if that meant missing your wedding.

Technically, you did choose Ron over Ginny, but that's hardly surprising. You have a close relationship with Ron, of course you want him at your wedding. Your relationship with Ginny isn't close at all, she's more an acquaintance than a sister. You went a long time with no contact, and current contact is pretty minimal.

It doesn't sound like Ginny has changed as much as you thought she had, she still thinks its okay to bully her little brother.

It's your wedding. If you want Ron there, which you clearly do, then don't invite Ginny. You didn't have to tell Ginny the real reason, you could have just said you didn't feel your relationship was at that point or you had minimal space or something, but I don't blame you for being honest, either.

This is the consequence of Ginny's own actions. She needs to understand the damage she did to her brother.

mute1 writes:

NTA - This is your wedding. I will say this however, those two really need to talk. They have you securely in the middle of their shit and it needs to stop. There comes a point in life where you need to confront your past and grow up.

I'm not saying that Ron MUST forgive his sister but at the very least he does need to have a conversation with her if for nothing other than giving him a chance as an adult to spell out how his sisters behavior has affected him.

SHE also needs to be given a chance to show she has changed. If no change is evident, Ron can move on into his adult life without questioning whether or not he acted rashly in his youth.

Now I don't know how bad your sister was with him. I don't know how sensitive he is as well. What for some could be minor issues could very well be major to someone else. Either way, it sucks that you have to choose one or the other in this instance.

Your siblings BOTH suck for putting you in that position.