Bride tells teenager to 'grow up,' and prioritize the wedding over a birthday; AITA?
Who exactly needs to 'grow up' in a scenario in which a bride tells a teenager that her wedding matters more than her birthday celebrations?
So, when a conflicted bride/potential bridezilla decided to vent to the moral compass of the internet about her future mother-in-law's boyfriend's teen daughter's three birthday parties, people were eager to hear the family drama.
AITA (Am I the As%hole) for telling a teenager that a wedding is significantly more important than her birthday and she needs to grow up?
I invited my soon to be MIL wedding dress shopping as an olive branch because we don't have the best relationship. She accepted but asked if she could bring her BF's 15-year-old daughter 'Emily' because Emily loves fashion.
Honestly I think it was more of MIL has some anxiety around my family and wanted an ally, so I said yes.
Emily is ok but ridiculously spoiled. Her divorced parents are in competition for her love and both have some serious cash to throw around. Emily is having a sweet 16 the same month I am having my wedding, and she has been talking about it non-stop, picking out the car she wants, making plans for the actual day.
Her birthday is a Wednesday, but the party is a Saturday, so she still expects something special on her birthday. She will be going to Disney with her BF, her dad and MIL.
She has already let her mother know that since her birthday falls on his custody time, her mom can 'make it up to her' So she is having 3 birthdays. I internally roll my eyes a little, but it isn't my business.
We had a nice day planned of lunch and wedding dress shopping. It started off ok, though MIL demanded a sip of MILs champagne and I was a bit worried about getting kicked out because it is a liability, but MIL told me to chill and her BF has been giving Emily sips since she was 12.
The issue began when Emily was walking around the boutique and found a dress she loved for her party. MIL told her to try it on, which kind of bothered me because it wasn't Emily's event.
My mom told MIL that it was bad etiquette and MIL seemed surprised. I will give MIL the benefit of the doubt that she didn't know because she is pretty socially oblivious.
Emily came out and heard the conversation and told MIL she didn't do anything wrong and we were being 'zillas' I nicely asked Emily to stay out of the adult conversation, and Emily told MIL that it isn't even her fault her relationship with her son is strained because we are so nit picky and she was literally just trying on a dress.
I snapped at Emily that she has no idea what she is talking about and maybe when she is older she'll have a clue, but a wedding is way way more important than some birthday party. I said birthdays come every year and it really isn't that special.
Emily told me to chill and why can't I share and all the dresses I tried on were 'basic' Finally MIL told Emily they were leaving and stormed out (after paying for the dress) MILs boyfriend is pissed and said I'm a drama queen, I shouldn't be fighting with his kid, and I'm so mean to MIL.
Here's what the jury of internet strangers had to say about this mess:
OneMikeNation said:
YTA because here's the thing HER birthday is more important to her than YOUR wedding. Why are you arguing with a child because they are excited about their birthday compared to your wedding when it sounds like she barely even knows you. Maybe you should grow up a little.
EwokCafe said:
YTA. Fighting with a child because you lost a bit of spotlight and telling her that her sweet 16 isn't important? Maybe birthdays aren't important to you, but your childhood ones can be - but that's not the point. Her birthday has nothing to do with your wedding and there's no need to compare.
A simple 'we're here to wedding dress shop and we want to focus on that experience. She's welcome to look at dresses while she's here, but if you could save trying on for another occasion that would be appreciated' would have sufficed.
Illuminator007 said:
ESH. Every party involved made the decision to escalate the drama instead of letting it go.
GlassSandwich9315 said:
YTA. All that stuff about the details of her party and her being spoiled is completely irrelevant and its clear that you just added it to justify your attitude towards her. The situation in question is, you were at your bridal gown appointment.
Your soon-to-be MIL dragged a 15 year old girl with her to basically act as an emotional support animal. She got bored watching her dad's, girlfriend's, son's fiance try on wedding dresses and decided to try on a dress for her upcoming sweet sixteen.
You got upset, berated your soon-to-be MIL about her boyfriend's daughter trying on a dress, told a 15 year old to butt out because the grown ups are talking, and told her that her birthday party is irrelevant and your wedding actually matters.
Of course her birthday matters to her. Why the hell would the wedding of her dad's, girlfriend's son matter to a 15 year old girl, no less watching said son's fiance try on wedding dresses?
lihzee said:
YTA. This whole post is just dripping with disdain for MIL and Emily. I get that it was shopping for your event, but really, how much attention do you need?
Emily liked a dress and tried it on, I doubt that diverted anyone's attention from you and your wedding for very long.
Your mother approaching MIL about it being bad etiquette is likely why MIL has anxiety around your family and wanted Emily to come with her as an ally.
[deleted] said:
They were in a dress store, she's a child, of course she's gonna want to try on a dress. I don't even think she was thinking about your wedding or trying to 'upstage you.' You literally got into a beef with a 15 year old over trying on a dress...YTA and a bridezilla.