'AITA for refusing to pay for my friend's wedding after she uninvited me?' UPDATED
"AITA for Refusing to Pay for My Friend's Wedding Because She Uninvited Me?"
Okay, so here's the deal. My friend (let's call her Sarah) and I have been tight since high school. We've been through everything together – breakups, makeups, you name it. So when she got engaged, I was over the moon for her.
Fast forward to a few months before the wedding. Sarah sends out the invitations, and I'm psyched to RSVP. But then, out of nowhere, she texts me saying that she's had to cut down the guest list due to budget constraints, and unfortunately, I didn't make the cut.
I was devastated. I get that weddings are expensive and all, but to uninvite me after we've been friends for so long? Ouch. Fast forward again to the wedding day. I see all these photos on social media, and it looks like a fairy tale.
But here's the kicker – Sarah texts me later that week asking for money to help cover the costs of the wedding. Apparently, they went over budget, and she's asking all the guests who didn't attend to chip in.
I was floored. Not only did she uninvite me, but now she expects me to foot the bill for a wedding I didn't even get to go to? I told her no way. I refused to pay a single dime. But now she's saying I'm being selfish and unsupportive. Am I the a%$le here? Or is Sarah out of line for expecting me to pay for her mistake?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
Speedy89t said:
No, you’re not. Asking for money, especially from people who didn’t get invited, is one of the most absurd things I’ve ever heard in my entire life.
Trailsya said:
NTA and I hope you know you are. I would stop this friendship entirely. Send her a few laughing emoticons/gifs and then block her. One of the tackiest things I have ever heard.
forgetregret1day said:
Wow, Sarah has balls of steel and the IQ of a flea. Who does that? Then she calls you selfish and unsupportive? I’d tell her which circle of hell to drop off on, to lose my number and buy her cheap ass an etiquette book. She’s not a friend, she’s a delusional narcissist with no sense. She’s shown you who she is. Believe her and move on. NTA.
Rye_One_ said:
NTA. Let her know that you’re very sympathetic to her plight, and as a close friend you won’t hesitate to pay her every back every single penny she spent including you in her special day.
situationship321 said:
WTF DID I JUST READ Sorry. NTA. The giant exploding volcano of entitlement and greed just startled me for a minute.
HeartShapedSea said:
NTA. No invite = no gift expectation, certainly no forced monetary contributions. That's the etiquette and she is being beyond tacky. I'd reconsider the friendship. She sounds thoughtless & inconsiderate. A taker.
UPDATE:
Since my post, there have been some significant developments. Sarah saw the post and confronted me, things got heated. There was yelling, emotions ran high, and in the end, I made the difficult decision to go no contact with Sarah.
While it was a tough choice to make, I realized that the toxicity in our relationship had reached a point where it was no longer healthy for either of us. Despite my initial hopes for reconciliation, it became clear that certain underlying issues in our friendship needed to be addressed and resolved before any meaningful progress could be made.
Going no contact was not a decision I made lightly, but rather one born out of necessity for my own well-being and mental health. It's never easy to distance yourself from someone you care about, but sometimes it's necessary for personal growth and healing.
I want to thank everyone once again for their support and encouragement throughout this journey. Your words have been a source of strength and comfort during a challenging time in my life. Moving forward, I'm focused on prioritizing self-care and surrounding myself with positive influences.
While it's sad to say goodbye to a friendship that once meant so much to me, I'm hopeful that this decision will ultimately lead to greater happiness and fulfillment in the long run. Thank you all for being a part of my story and for your unwavering support.
Here's what top commenters had to say about this update:
No_Wallaby_5110 said:
Look, I know you hate giving up on a friendship but she really isn't much of a friend to you. It's not as much if a loss as you might think. I had to let go of many friendships that were very one-sided because I thought that's what a friend would do. I was very surprised to learn , when I let go, the other person didn't seem to care at all while I was devastated over the loss.
Ironically enough, I was at my dad's funeral, sad at all the friends that didn't show up, and I saw a woman I never would have expected to see in a million years! We were never friends. We never got along. But she came.
I asked her why, privately. She said, "we may not ever have agreed about anything, but this was your dad! I lost mine a few years ago and I remembered how it hurts, and I wanted to tell you I'm sorry. Truly sorry. If you need anything, please call!"
That's when it hit me - my "frenemy" was a better friend than my friends! It's been 12 years. She stopped by and checked on my mom several times before she passed away. She came to her funeral too. She helped my siblings (who lived nearer to my parents home than I) find a realtor to sell the house, get help cleaning it out, etc.
That is what a friend should be. I never asked her to do those things, she did just did them. Not because she liked me as a person but because she was a caring human being that saw a need and stepped in to fill it. If a friend can't do that as a minimum, they are not a true friend. Ask yourself honestly, does Sarah pass that minimum threshold test. If not, let her go. Don't mourn. Move on. Find better friends.
Ok-Hovercraft621 said:
Wow that’s crazy, I’m glad you’re not friends with her anymore because that’s crazy. Sis I can’t even imagine asking the people who came to the wedding to chip in for their dinner after the event. What kind of person thinks it’s reasonable to ask people who didn’t come to the wedding to Pay for the wedding?
I also suspect she wasn’t asking everybody, she just asked you for some reason. Have you spoken to anyone else who she asked? I’m just really curious if she really did just ask you because she was mad about it.
Cassandra_Canmore2 said:
I said it in the original. I'll say it again here. NTA. The idea someone would ask people that were uninvited to help cover the financial cost of the people that got to go. Is just absurd.
Not-a-Cranky-Panda said:
You were not a guest who did not attend, you never had an invite to be a guest. It's not up to anyone other than the person who made the wedding to pay.
xmowx said:
I suppose if you didn't ask her to chip in for your Hawaii trip to which she was not invited, then she should have seen this suggestion when she read your initial post. If that didn't make her reconsider her approach, nothing will. I love how well spoken you are. Don't second guess yourself and don't look back. Best of luck to you.
Fangs_McWolf said:
NTA. It would be in poor taste to ask wedding guests to help fund the wedding before a wedding, even worse to ask for help after the wedding. To ask those who were either uninvited or just not invited at all?
That's just entitlement. If her wedding registry simply asked for donations in lieu of gifts, that would be one thing (even that can be considered tacky), but running over budget is her fault, no one else's. (Well, her and her husband.)
Hopefully "Sarah" will see this comment, then present your story to others (as though it's just a story she found and isn't part of the story) to get their opinions on it. If she does that, she'll get a harsh reality check when people side with you by saying that it's rude for the bride to ask people for money like that.
Of course, she won't do that, since it would mean hearing something that she doesn't want to hear. If she does, she'll probably try to tell it in a different perspective to make the bride of the story sound like the victim, rather than letting them read the story directly.
Or to put it simply, she's one of those people that can't fathom being wrong. If someone tells her that she's wrong, she'll remain convinced that there's something wrong with them, and never stop to think that there's actually something wrong with her. Give her time though, she'll eventually realize just how horrible she treated you.