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Bride uninvites sister from wedding after she complains about 'reception rules;' multiple family members boycott wedding. AITA? UPDATED 2X

Bride uninvites sister from wedding after she complains about 'reception rules;' multiple family members boycott wedding. AITA? UPDATED 2X

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When this bride is furious with her sister leading up to her wedding, she asks the internet:

"My sister didn't like my wedding rules so I uninvited her whole family. AITA?"

My sister has two children, an 8yo and a new born. Our wedding (1.5 years away) is supposed to be child free with the exception of siblings because my fiancé and I both have large age gaps between us and our siblings, he has a 3, 4, and 12 year old brother, and I have a teenage brother.

I also have my sister and older brother. Obviously we want our siblings at our wedding, even if they’re kids and it breaks our child free rule.

For our wedding, we’re renting out a huge Airbnb for a week (a literal mansion) where the wedding and reception will be and invited all immediate family to stay with us for the week as our first family vacation as an official family.

I love my nephews, I really really do, but my fiancé and I wanted to plan a bunch of adult/ couples events like wine tasting, ebike tours, snorkeling etc. and I don’t want kids with me when we do it.

The host was nice enough to match us with some babysitters that he frequently works with for events just like this, so the other kids (our younger siblings) will stay at the Airbnb with the babysitter...

but our parents know they have to pay for the babysitter (my fiancé and I are paying for all of the adult events we have planned like the wine tasting and tours etc.)

and they’re okay with it. We want them to pay for childcare simply because I don’t want to be responsible for anyones children for the entirety of the wedding and vacation afterwards. Financially or emotionally. There will be plenty of things for the kids to do at the Airbnb as well.

My sister said it’s not fair that our siblings are invited but not my nephews, and I told her if I broke the child free rule for everyone I loved, there would be no child free rule.

She told me that if I’m not allowing kids, I have to pay for childcare and find someone to stay with them for a week. I told her no. She said “I’m not paying for a babysitter” and I told her “then don’t come.”

I was pissed she was trying to manipulate me into paying for child care when I’m literally offering her an all expense vacation, the only thing she has to pay for is c h i l d c a r e for her own children.

I told if she was going to make my wedding about her, I don’t want her there. She then flipped out and called me every name she could think of so I yanked her invite all together and told her I’d send her pics of the wedding and vacation afterwards so she can see where her selfishness got her.

My family is super close to each other and I LOVE my nephews so everyone was very surprised I made the wedding child free but after I yanked my sisters invite, people started to also decline the invite.

My response has pretty much been “you aren’t punishing me the way you think you are, all you’re doing is saving me money but if you don’t come support me on my love day i expect me to go no contact.”

Now everyone is pissed. At me. I think this may have come off as a bit bridezilla but I don’t think I owe any of them anything honestly. It’s MY wedding. Am I being a selfish AH?

Edit: I don’t think I made clear that my family is holding their attendance over my head, and are saying “if you don’t invited your sister and nephews, I won’t come either.” So I told them, don’t come, but I didn’t appreciate the way they were trying to manipulate my decision so I told them if they don’t come, I’m going nc.

Edit 2: I told her she could come for the wedding and not stay for the vacation but she wanted both. I only uninvited her after she said a bunch of nasty stuff to me. The exception to the child free rule is for immediate family only. There will be things for the kids to do at the Airbnb.

And a lot of people are saying “wait till you have kids” but I would just not come to the wedding. I would chose my kids over the wedding.

To me, it’s my love day, but I understand to everyone else it’s just a stupid wedding lol, and I’m okay with that. No one has to come that doesn’t want to, and I’m okay with tabt, it’s completely understandable, but people that are not coming out of spite of the situation, I take a problem with.

UPDATE: after reading all of the comments telling me no one cares about our wedding, the vacation doesn’t sound like it’d be fun at all, I’m being controlling, I’m being a selfish and an entitled bridezilla, I clearly don’t value my family etc etc, my fiance and I have decided to cancel our wedding all together!!!

We’ll have a small ceremony for us and our parents and then my husband and I will use the big beautiful mansion we rented out as our honeymoon!! We’ll message the Airbnb host tomorrow about moving the date up. We’re very excited!! I realized neither of us wanted to cater to anyone because the only people that matter when it comes to our marriage is us!! F everyone else lol!

To everyone saying that child free wedding are “egotistical”: no one cares about your kids lol. I love kids, I really do, but no one should have to cater to your kids needs except YOU!!

Thank you all for making me realize how stupid family weddings are, we don’t need them present to have our happily ever after. We’d prefer to avoid the drama all together. That’s all!!

Edit 3: LMAOOO STOP COMING AT ME FOR CALLING IT MY LOVE DAY!!! And to those who asked, yes I did get that phrase from Grey’s Anatomy. Stop roasting me though I’ll update with families reaction to wedding cancellations tomorrow

Edit 4: omgggg i get it!! It’s not a “child free wedding” because siblings will be there!! How about this, “no children allowed except siblings”?? Is that better?? It’s all semantics that tbf don’t matter.

Before we give you OP's update, let's take a look at some of the top responses:

scarmarie6 writes:

I honestly am gonna go with NTA. Your parents agreed to pay for childcare because they understand that their children are not your responsibility, no matter how much you love them (which is enough to allow children at a child free wedding).

Your sister has a year and a half to come up with child care to attend a wedding that YOU'RE paying for. It's extremely selfish of her to expect you to pay for everything for your wedding and the entire vacation for all attendees and then to also take care of her children for her. It's also really low of her to insult you for not doing so.

All the family members backing out and picking sides are kinda acting a little toxic. Dangling their attendance over your head just so you'll cave to your sisters demands?

It makes me feel like they favorite her over you and this is supposed to be your special event? She'd STILL have to pay for childcare for her children to be watched at the Airbnb since you're not even allowing the child siblings to some events. Why is she expecting it would be different with her kids?

meanisestgood writes:

I'm going with YTA. You aren't having a child free wedding. You aren't. You cannot invite kids and claim it's child free.

You planned a wedding that seems designed to specifically exclude your sister. The fact that many of your family members agree with her is telling.

Of course, it's your wedding, your rules. But that works both ways. If your rules seem mean-spirited and hurtful, you can't be mad when people make their attendance decisions based on their values. And that's why I am saying YTA. You can dish it out but can't take it.

Also, a wedding and a week-long family vacation are two very different things. Yes, you're paying for most of it, but you also selected the venue, the date, and all the activities.

You are asking your guests to give up a week of pay or vacation time, pay for an expensive and unknown sitter, and let you decide what and when to do things. That isn't a vacation; it's a week-long reception.

oddad472 writes:

ESH...For a "child free" wedding you are allowing quite a few kids. How many children do you and your fiance's siblings have? Including her kids in "immediate family" does not seem unreasonable unless there are tons of nieces and nephews and it will turn your wedding into a child's party.

Her response was ridiculous. This is your sister, you both need to fix this. As far as other guests who cancelled, your response was childish even if them cancelling was a dick move.

It sounds like your wedding is turning more into a bickering match than a special occasion. You don't want to remember your wedding this way. You have another 1.5 years of misery plus the aftershocks if you don't fix this now.

ohcrumcake writes:

YTA. I understand why your family is pissed at you. Your young siblings are closer in line with being like your niece/nephews than siblings due to the age difference. So even though they’re “immediate” family they’re likely closer to the family near their age. It does come across as weird to exclude some and not the others.

It’s not like they’re your cousins kids or your friends kids. You’ve already made an exception for your parents kids. Your siblings are your immediate family so their kids are also pretty much immediate family. I don’t think anyone else would have considered it unfair to include them.

I certainly consider my nibings my immediate family - I’m closer to them than I am any of my other family!

I think what’s caused you the bigger issue is the fact that yeah, you’ve been rather a bridezilla. This isn’t exactly a free vacation for your family you know. You’re making them use a weeks vacation from their jobs to cater to you - it’s at your location and all events are about you. For a week. When’s the last time you gave up a solid week of your life for one of them?

The childcare your sister would need would be considerably more than what your parents would need. Because she would need to have an overnight sitter for an entire week.

Along with giving up a weeks wages. And not even be able to see her kids. Your parents will get to see their kids plenty that week since they’ll be staying in the same place.

Your request was unreasonable and hurtful really. You can have a child free wedding ceremony and reception sure. But you’re wanting to force her to spend an entire week away from her kids. That she has to pay for.

flyoverme6 writes:

Please. Have a normal wedding and big honeymoon. Combining the wedding and a vacation together is too much and you’re too uptight to pull it off without a ton of rules. Rules for the day, ok. The week? Get out of here with your control issues.

Expecting your sister to leave her small children for a week is incredibly dense. Who does that? You can do you big shindig wedding vacation but understand you’re intentionally excluding your sister by design.

It’s unreasonable to think she would come for a week and leave her kids at home. I’m assuming this is not in your hometown, or hers.

This is the essential problem with destination weddings. The expectation that people curtail their lives for an entire week for your wedding fantasy is just nuts. It’s expensive.

In this case, requires overnight week long childcare they may not have or trust. Your fantasy wedding week, not day, week requires the suspension of your family reality. Crazy way to start a new family. Who abandons kids all day fora week and thinks it’s ok?

You say this is the first full family vacation, but it sounds more like a weird controlled week of hell for anyone who doesn’t do what you want. Family vacations respect everyone’s situation.

You started by not respecting your sisters. Not defending her actions, she should have just politely declined and ignored you for the next 20 years, since you clearly don’t give a crap about her being a part of your life. ESH, but mostly you.

ficklewillow7 writes:

NTA. It's your wedding you can make it childfree if you want. You are offering your guest a place to stay for free while paying for everyone's activities. That is extremely generous.

I understand if your sister doesn't want to come because she can't bring her children, but it is unreasonable for her to request that you pay for her children's childcare. Also she can't compare your nephew to your siblings.

Those are different relationships. So I understand why you would want your younger siblings to attend and not your nephews. Good for you for staying firm in your decision. I don't know if I would go no contact with everyone who decline.

They maybe declining because they can't afford to pay for a sitter or feel uncomfortable leaving their children for a week. I wouldn't assume that people are only decline to show solidarity with your sister. If you do find out that is the case than by all means go no contact if that is how you truly feel.

ciach65 writes:

I say NTA. Because not only is it your wedding, your choices, but also I hate how entitled people get about parents and children involved in everything. All your sister had to was say 'sorry, can't go'.

Being a parent comes first, and if she couldn't cough up the money or accept your rules, then she should have taken the L and declined the invite. All the family members dangling their invites are AH too.

I say, try to get back as much money as you can from the mansion, cancel all the wedding plans, and just elope.

Do something nice for you and your husband to be, maybe even just cut off your side from going and build a stronger relationship with his side. If this is how everyone wants to treat you on your special day, then they can all be excluded. No need to give yourself a bigger headache.

batweary writes:

NTA. I literally can’t stand people who act like their 2 year old Susie will remember your wedding and absolutely HAS to be there. Kids are loud. They want to run around an play, not sit and watch two people get married.

My aunt got married 7 years ago and I remember hearing a baby SCREAMING the entire ceremony. Couldn’t even hear their vows over the baby, but the mom refused to leave the room because she wanted to hear their vows. Besides, weddings often involve alcohol and a ton of drunk people + young kids is asking for chaos.

Whether or not kids are involved is up to the bride and groom. After that, everyone else needs to suck it up and find a sitter or just simply not go. It’s probably better that your family isn’t going rather than them showing up and ruining your day by pestering you about your sister throwing a fit & taking away her invite.

fitney123 writes:

ESH. Your sister shouldn’t demand you paying for the childcare, but an arrangement similar to what your parents has would seem like the most fitting option.

I understand not allowing kids at all at the reception, party etc, but a family vacation and the kids can’t join? If it’s only your sisters kids I doubt it would be a huge bunch. What would 1-3 extra kids do harm?

Probably nice for your siblings so hang out with their nephews as well since they will be staying at the house most of the time. And saying “if I say yes to my sister I need to say yes to everyone else” is not the case.

People would understand that your immediate family could bring their children, at least for the vacation. “Other peoples kids”. They are your nephews (that you say you love), not strangers.

nobite6 writes:

YTA / ESH. You have your reasons, they can't be argued. However they are self centered reasons. If you are happy to be the AH in this situation, just stick to your justifications.

Take it with acceptance that your wants have hurt others, but if you are unwilling to compromise, don't. This is your wedding, your love day. But your choices do hurt others, and they are justified in their feelings/actions just as much as you are in yours. You are the AH, but it's also your choice.

mbabee6 writes:

YTA. You expect your sister to come for a week and leave a 1.5 year old and 10 year old with a babysitter? WTF. Yeah, you said she can go home early. But you are providing activities for a week and don’t care if she misses them ?

YTA #2. Sure, you can have a partially child free wedding if you like, but you shouldn’t be surprised if parents of young kids don’t come. You say you adore your nephews, but won’t get them a babysitter at your wedding, even at their expense? YTA #3.

You own statement about not owing anyone anything is true. However people also don’t own you anything. When someone comes to your wedding, they are doing you a favor, making your day memorable. You are not doing them a favor by inviting them. YTA #4

All the people who say NTA, it’s just because they don’t have kids. No parent would come.

crosss7 writes:

ESH. Frankly, I think that she is being entitled, but so are you - particularly with threatening to go "no contact" if people don't come to your wedding.

The thing about a child-free wedding, and a destination wedding (I assume it's a destination, based on the AirBnB) is that you need to accept that some people will not come - let alone a child-free destination wedding.

If people say no to coming along, you need to accept that with good grace. Having a week-long vacation together isn't the gift you think it is, either - it's a holiday, yes, but it's a holiday on your terms, about you, doing what you want.

There's nothing wrong with that on your wedding, but it's not the same as gifting someone a holiday where they want to go, and doing what they want to do.

I don't think it's realistic for kids to sit happily supervised at an AirBnB all week while the parents go out and do "fun stuff", either. They will be acutely aware that they're just missing out all the time - especially with stuff like bike tours and snorkelling.

On the other hand, I don't like her attitude of telling you to make her childcare arrangements and payments for her. That also smacks of arrogance and entitlement. I do also understand why you're making an exception solely for your siblings.

This should have been a far easier discussion:
"My wedding is child-free but I'm making an exception solely for my siblings because they're my siblings." "Ok. I'm sorry we can't make it. Can we do lunch instead?"

"Yep, sounds great. I'm sorry you can't make it." Job done. Everyone sucks.

And now, OP's 1st update:

Omgggg where do I start. I moved in with her after her kid was born and her baby daddy left (I was only 15) and lived with her for three years and helped raise her kid, but she swears it never happened!! When she moved out of my parents she took the family dog with her.

The last time she moved she asked for hell because she’s pregnant but then sat the entire time and did nothing. I had to clean hers and her sons room which both had trash up to my knees, and then pack EVERYTHING. Because her stomach hurt. Not to sound insensitive but the only time she seems to feel sick was when she had to do something.

She was about 3 months along. My fiance (bf at the time) and I offered to help her move (like actually pack up the truck and move furniture and such) and AGAIN she sat doing NOTHING the entire time. It was -5 outside and she sat in the car.

Once we were done, I got into the car and she said “oh good you’re done” and i was like “yeah. We’re done. You could’ve helped.”

And she said “it’s cold” I- UGGGHHHH WAS SO MAD. But she was pregnant so I pushed through. I kept helping.

After, my “bf” and I were talking about where we wanted to eat and she started screaming at us to stfu because she’s hungry and doesn’t want to listen to people talk about food.

Omg I was mortified. He spent all day lugging furniture in negative weather and she was so rude!! Never even thanked him. Then, I was over the moon to throw her a baby shower, I love kids.

But she never sent me an invite list. I waited months and eventually made it myself because we were running out of time and she PITCHED A FIT about who I did or didn’t invite.

And then she fg uninvited me. To a babyshower i spent hundreds of dollars and hours of time planning. The only jobs she has a the pregnant mother is to make an invite list and show up on time. But she also complained about the time I planned it!! Omg I couldn’t believe it.”

OP's final update:

I sent out an email canceling the wedding “to avoid any conflicts with child care arrangements” and “we decided it wasn’t fair to people with children.”

Obviously, this isn’t true, but that’s where this all began so. I didn’t tell anyone about the conflict between my sister and I, but she had already dragged half of my family into it, so they knew the situation. This is each persons reaction:

My parents: they were disappointed, but understand. My sister has always been a nightmare and we have always given her anything she wants, if for nothing else, just to shut her up.

They literally let her take the family dog just to keep her from throwing a tantrum. They’re glad that I shut her up as well as not just giving her what she wants.

His parents: they were so sad. They were really excited to have this vacation, but they’re still happy for us and understand.

Younger siblings: are fg crushed. I’m going to go on a weekend trip with them to make up for it. That seemed to cheer them up.

Sister: My fg sister, made a facebook post telling everyone what an arrogant cnt I am!! She texted me saying she never wants to see me again, but she also said that when I accidentally broke her favorite perfume.

And again when told her son he couldn’t have my cat, yes, MY cat of two years, and she told her son in front me “maybe auntie will let you take the cat when we leave” and she put me in the awkward and upsetting position of telling my nephew and sister absolutely not.

And again when I wouldn’t make her dozens of meals for her to freeze for after she gave birth. And again when I didn’t buy her a gift for her baby shower that she uninvited me to, that I PLANNED. She’ll get over it once she needs a babysitter again, like every time.

Everyone else: honestly, that’s just too much to go into. Some people are butthurt they don’t get to attend the wedding and are calling me “petty and small” (I am, idc) but some are just annoyed because this is what my sister does. This is who she is.

I decided idgaf if I’m TAH or not. It’s my wedding, my fiancé is happy with this decision, and we will do what we want. But honestly, the people calling me an asshole were usually assholes themselves (telling me I’ll get divorced, my family probably hates me...

and they should go NC with me either way, that I’m insufferable, that I hate kids, that I’m a bad aunt, that I should never have kids, that I’m entitled etc etc) and I don’t think I should cater to people like that lol. Thanks for helping me realize how ungrateful people are!!

What do YOU make of OP's story? Any advice for her?

Sources: Reddit
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