Bride doesn't want to wear MIL's old wedding dress; MIL claps back 'You LIED to me.' AITA? UPDATED 4X

When this bride is furious with her MIL, she asks the internet:

"AITA for not wanting to wear my future MIL’s wedding dress?"

My 26 F and my fiancé 27 M got engaged in February 2024, we are planning our wedding to be in March next year on the day of when we first met. We began planning the wedding May 2024, The theme is light blue and white. It’s important to know that my fiancé is an only child.

A couple weeks ago I was shopping for wedding dresses with my mom and sister, when I found this lovely dress, and it needed only a little bit of tailoring to fit me. When I sent photos to my fiancé he thought it was beautiful too.

Now here’s the problem my future MIL was over and when my Fiancé showed her the dress she immediately called me, I ignored her as I was still with my mom and sister.

When I got back to my and my fiancé’s house my future MIL was waiting for me. When I walked through the door she immediately got up from the couch and accused me of lying, claiming I had promised to wear her dress. I never had.

This was such an out of the blue thing for my future MIL as we normally get on really well. I told her I had never promised her anything, she then yelled at me calling me a liar and that I didn’t deserve to get married to my fiancé.

I was so taken aback by that I just walked away. I have done so much to make sure this woman likes me and now she doesn’t because I don’t want to wear her wedding dress that went out of style 50 years ago?

Once I had stormed off to my room, my fiancé joined once he had sent his mother back to her house. He asked what had happened and I explained my side of the story, about how I was just suddenly accused of all these lies, lies I never said. He then explained his moms side of things,

which were that apparently when I first started dating my Fiancé my future MIL had shown her wedding dress and I had said I would love to get married in that. I started dating my fiancé 5 years ago. I honestly don’t ever remember saying that but it was so long ago I might’ve, but I don’t think so as the dress isn’t the prettiest.

The next day I woke up with messages from my future MIL saying that I’m such a liar and that my fiancé shouldn’t marry a liar. I’m going to be honest I teared up as I read those messages because I tired so hard to be liked by her, and I thought I was.

I told my fiancé about the messages and he said that she’s probably just hurt that I don’t want to wear her dress. But it’s my wedding why can’t I wear what I want? Please tell me your opinions

Before we give you OP's 4 updates, let's read some top responses:

aghay writes:

NTA. I don’t know the full history of your relationship with MIL but I’d bet it’s not about the dress.

For whatever reason, weddings can bring about the worst in people. I’m sure a therapist would say because it also comes with a lot of change, especially in family dynamics.

You mentioned MIL raised your fiancé alone and I think that could explain lot. It’s one thing when you were just a gf but now that you are becoming his wife, she may be jealous of their relationship changing and projecting her anger and insecurities onto you.

The fact that your fiancé is advocating for you to bend to her demands may also indicate that he is accustomed to her doing things for attention.

You need to sit down and set clear boundaries and let him know your wedding is about you two! You need to set that standard NOW before you get married. Otherwise, MIL and FH will expect you to bend to her will for the sake of “getting along.”

He can be grateful to his mom but that doesn’t mean she gets to dictate anything regarding your lives or relationship.

cearapy3 writes:

NTA I would text your MIL with your Fiancé next to you. Say something like “MIL, I feel like we have had a major miscommunication. In all honesty, that was 5 years ago and I truly don’t remember saying I would wear your wedding dress.

Before all this happened, I always thought we got along great. I apologize sincerely if you felt insulted. Every Bride deserve to look and feel special on their big day. I am so happy that you got that moment in your dress, and honored you want me to wear it. However, I already found a dress that makes me feel that way.

I hope you can understand and appreciate what that special moment is like when you find the dress. I also hope you believe me when I say I love your son and would never want to hurt you. I hope we can move forward from this because I very much look forward to joining your family.”

Keep it nice and respectful. If she continues the disrespect talk to your Fiance about a firmer approach. Respect her feelings but remember this is yours and your Fiancé’s day, not hers. He should have your back.

aghgayu234 writes:

Why should she do anything to try to appease a woman who went to her home just to attack her and call her a liar and has been harassing her?

A better solution would have been for FMIL to maybe have a bride purse or something made from her old dress (providing the seamstress with a photo of the dress OP will be wearing) and present it to OP as a wedding gift to be her something old. Heck, it could be the something old & new in one. Add a blue ribbon and you’ve got the 3 outta 4.

UPDATE 1:

Hi I’m not sure how to start this but I sat my Fiancé down and talked to him about my FMIL.

When he finally gave me the time to actually talk. I mentioned how I wanted to wear my own dress to MY wedding and he once again brought up how it was also for our parents. WTF?? I explained calmly that it was a union of us, not our parents and unless his mom wanted to pay for our entire wedding it was OUR wedding.

Then I said how he found the dress I originally wanted beautiful and he only changed his mind when his mom raised the issue. He said he only said it was beautiful because that’s what I would’ve wanted to hear and he found it ugly.

I didn’t react to the last comment and instead I brought up how I could wear something else of his moms and he completely shut down that idea saying his mom offered the dress and I couldn’t take something from her if she didn’t offer it and that I should be grateful she offered her dress.

I admit I was angry at this and replied with am I marrying you or your mother? When I asked him this he yelled at me saying that what his mom was asking wasn’t a big deal and that I was blowing this out of proportion. After he said I was making a big deal out of MY wedding dress I stormed out and called my mom explaining the whole situation.

When I went back downstairs he was gone and he texted me explaining he’s going to be staying with his mom until I “come to my senses”. I’m now rethinking my whole relationship as I can’t marry him if i’m also marrying his mother, and I’m not going to be one of those people on reddit talking about my horrible MIL, even though I sort of am.

Before we give you the following 3 updates, let's read some top comment and responses from OP:

Commenter: NTA

Honestly I don't understand why women think the dress is worth saving. Most younger women have no intention of using their mothers old dress so why do they think their daughter will use theirs?

I get it was traditional to pass it down in the family, but that was when they were all handmade by the family and making a new fancy one was a big deal.

OOP: It wasn’t made by a family member it’s purely just her dress - no sentimental value besides being her dress. My fiancé says it’s up to me but he’d like it if I wore her dress.

Commenter: You have a fiancé problem more than a MIL problem. He should have your back. Does he always take her side?

OOP: Nothing like this has happened before - my MIL and I got along quite well before this, now i’m not sure we could ever get along again

Commenter: Oh COME ON. Your MIL sounds irrational, manipulative and controlling. If she’s like this before you get married, best of luck to you after the wedding. She’s not likely to change and your fiancé seems like a mommy’s boy. NTA but have a real good think about your future.

Is it possible that MIL has been hiding her “true” self all this time? Because people don’t tend to become so manipulative overnight.

OOP: This whole thing has changed my opinion on her - I just don’t understand how it all happened

That is possible, but we haven’t had any conflicts like this so maybe she wasn’t hiding, she was just never given the opportunity to show her “true” self?

UPDATE 2:

Thank you all for the comments, I appreciate it so much. I talked to my mom and she said that my fiancé is acting weird and immature. Yesterday my fiancé’s mom called me explaining that we need to talk, and I agreed.

She stared of saying how I was going back on a promise, and she was hurt by that. I never got the chance to defend my self before she said she is willing to move past it, if I wear her dress.

I completely shut down that idea and expressed how it was my day and I want to wear what I want, I then offered that I could wear something else of hers if she wants that. She didn’t, she wants me to wear her dress.

I tried again to explain how I wasn’t comfortable wearing her dress and I never promised to wear it and it might’ve been one of my fiancé’s ex girlfriends. She however didn’t take this and blew up at me through the phone calling me a liar, unworthy and a witch.

I hung up on her and blocked her number. Then my fiancé texted me saying it wasn’t fair to yell at his mother about the dress and i’m acting so immature, but she was the one who blew up at me. Then I texted my fiancé to meet me at our house to talk things out. He refused saying he would come tomorrow. So now I am waiting for him to show up.

Relevant Comments

Commenter: How many ex fiancée's has this man got?! That's telling in itself.....

OOP: Non I was his first, otherwise just 3 girlfriends

UPDATE 3:

Hello everyone, again thank you for the kind words and comments. I appreciate it so much and didn’t expect it to sort of blow up and I wish I could reply to all of you.

I talked with my fiancé about his childish behaviour and how I was angry at his mom and him for trying to get me to wear the dress. He tried to talk but I quickly cut him off and continued saying how it was no longer about the dress and it was how he took his mother’s side over mine. He wasn’t happy with this of course and said he was only taking the side which was “right”.

However I disagreed with this and said a dress was a huge factor of a wedding and that I wouldn’t wear something I wasn’t comfortable with, and then I again brought up how he should be backing me not his mother if we are to get married.

He got super pissed off at me for that as I said ‘if’ instead of when. He started yelling saying how I was going to cancel our wedding just because of a stupid dress and how all this must be some joke.

I stood firm and told him that this whole thing has got me questioning whether I want to marry him. He once again (surprise surprise) tried to storm out. I followed him and told him he had to talk with me or i’m ending it.

He whipped around and SLAPPED me. I stood there in shock as he slammed out front door and ran back to his mommy. Safe to say I am not marrying this man and I am texting him just that.

Thank you so much for all your comments, I can’t explain how much you have all helped me. Hopefully I can find a man and marry him in less than a year so my beautiful planning doesn’t get wasted.

(The last sentence was sarcasm)

Relevant Comments

Commenter: He slapped you? Oh hell no! He thinks you’re being petty?

Show him petty. Press charges against this momma’s boy. And tell him to f off. You dodged two bullets.

OOP: I’m definitely going to press charges for assault, any part of me that loved him still got slapped right out, literally

Commenter: Oh. My. God. You are so fortunate to have seen his true colors before you married him. I know numerous women whose husbands’ personality did a 180 after getting married. I know this is an incredibly emotional time for you, but remember to be grateful that you were saved from marrying an abuser.

OOP: I can’t believe that was 5 years down the drain, shame he ended up like that through no fault of my own

UPDATE 4:

Hello again, this one will be a bit of a short update. Again thank you for all the kind words, and some of the not so kind.

This morning I went to the police station and filed for a restraining order, which will then be taken to court. I have taken photos of the mark of my cheek from him slapping me and video footage of him coming and leaving my house. Hopefully all goes well and I can leave him and his crazy mom behind me.

I’m going to use the wedding venue to host my self an early birthday party! And going on the honeymoon with my sister. I took your advice and unblocked him and his mommy, which I then quickly had to mute as his mom blew up my phone.

I texted my ex fiancé calling things off and that he is an asshole. He replied with saying he’s sorry ect and bombarding my phone with messages asking me to forgive him.

Sorry for the short update, will probably be the last one for a while. Again thank you for the comments and support. Lots of love, OP