So, when a conflicted bride with a unique sense of humor decided to consult the moral compass of the internet otherwise known as Reddit's 'Am I the As*hole' about whether or not her wedding vision is offensive, people were quick to help deem a verdict.
Probably the a*shole but don't care. When I was fifteen my sister's wedding was extremely stressful for me, especially as an introverted autistic teenager. Especially the smells, large crowd, the uncomfortable ugly dress, and the shoes that left blisters on my feet.
But she's my sister so whatever. It made her happy and her big day special. She knew how hard it was on me so promised one day when I get married she do ANYTHING I wanted.
Cut to ten years, it's the present I'm getting married. Me and my soon-to-be wifey don't like traditional weddings. We find them boring and a waste of money, blah, blah, blah. So we decided to keep our wedding small and fun, we have a large list of silly ideas.
In fact, since we both met because of college theater, we're using all our old props to decorate, we're reacting our favorite comedic moments together as our vows, playing games, and a few other things.
One idea I had was since our first kiss was at a showing of Jurassic Park film we could have the officiate dress in one of those large inflatable T-Rex costumes, my wife LOVED the idea, remembering what my sister said I asked If she would officiate it. She agreed happily!
I told her about our T-Rex idea and at first, she thought we were joking but once I bought it and gave it to her she seemed confused, then laughed before saying she wouldn't do that, I tried to gently talk her into it and she flipped out and went on and on about how embarrassing it was and she could never do it, how dare we ask such a thing of her.
I'm just standing here like: 😶
I reminded her of what she told me ten years ago which just made her madder and she stormed off. I told my wife and she was a little upset but said we could just find someone else it was no big deal but my sister ranted to one of my cousins who told the rest of our family and now everyone thinks I tried to intentionally humiliate my sister but like??? No???
I just wanted to have her involved in a funny skit and have wedding photos to look back on, I and my wife aren't going to look elegant either we have several goofy props when he reenacts our favorite moments together and again it's meant to gently poke fun at each other. That's what this wedding is.
We're both goofy kids that met fell in love and used comedy to cope with bad experiences, so our wedding celebrating our goofy moments is perfect for us.
I genuinely don't see why the request was so offensive to her, it's not like I'm forcing her (unlike what she did with me at her wedding), and it's just a small wedding with friends and family meant to goof around at.
EDIT: Lmao guys IM GAY, IM A LESBIAN. Stop calling me a groom I said I wore an uncomfortable dress in the start for a reason.
Second of all, we aren't pressuring her. I asked and gently tried to convince her, when she flipped out we dropped it. I was going to apologize later until my phone was flooded with relatives calling me terrible, we did let it go until she told our cousin and our cousin told everyone else things we're not suppose to escalate like it did.
NTA (Not the As*hole). I want an invitation to your wedding, it sounds like it will be a lot of fun!
NTA. I’ve said this 1000 times: your wedding means your get ONE day to dictate how your bridal party dresses. Your sister got her’s, now it’s time for you to get yours. As a former wedding professional, I love the t-Rex costumes as long as the couple are on board. Congrats to you and your wife, you sound like super fun people!
YTA (You're the As*hole) for pushing (you might feel it was ‘gentle’ but if I’ve said no it’s a no please respect that and you then brought up the past). She said no, leave it be. If you think it’s hilarious you wear a big dinosaur costume.
I’m sorry you had a bad time but honestly it was 10 years ago, and was said to thank you for your sacrifice but that doesn’t actually mean anything that makes me upset, unhappy and feeling stupid (unless she stated as such but really I’ll do anything for you tends to have unspoken caveats where not doing something you’ll find upsetting - and actually uncomfortable those big suits are really annoying to wear a friend of mine had one).
She had no control over shoes that blistered and as someone who struggles with clothes not upsetting me for feeling ‘wrong’ I sympathise but let it go.
NTA. You asked. She said no. You didn't try to pressure or force her. You said you could just find someone else to officiate. And it isn't hard to become able to officiate (both my boyfriend and I got certified easily) so it isn't like you are forcing her specifically.
She is being a drama queen. Your style of wedding doesn't need to be her thing, but she is being rude and acting like this was to target her. Seems a little self obsessed to think you'd base your own wedding around embarrassing her.
NTA, your sister sounds like she is NOT fun at parties
I've taken everything said here into consideration, I understand that though to many I wasn't pressuring her and it wasn't my attention to do so, I do understand how it could have come across as such. I've contacted my sister and we're going to discuss this over lunch, I apologized to her over text and plan to do so in person again.
Preferably we'll work out a comprise (someone suggested her being a Jurassic Park Trainer and someone else in a dinosaur costume) but looks like we'll get someone else to officiate.
But special shoutout to those thinking I made my entire wedding about getting revenge on my sister lmao, like something me and my wifey agreed on long before we even thought about asking my sister was made especially for her. Not even considering some things we've been planning for weeks.
And yes, others are coming in costume, we encouraged our guests to come in as well. I was certain she knew about that but perhaps there was a miscommunication on my part, regardless we'll talk about it via lunch.
Thanks for all the support and congratulations on our wedding, for those asking for pictures. I asked Wifey and she said maybe, she might change her mind as we still have a decent while until the wedding but I'll keep you posted.
Most people agreed that this bride wasn't the as*hole for asking her sister, but forcing her to wear the costume would be crossing a line. Clearly this sister can't have fun with a silly themed wedding and perhaps these brides should ask another friend or relative to be their officiant. You have to wonder, though...how will anyone hear a ceremony through a suit?