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Bride yells at MIL for demanding a paternity test for 1-year-old twins before the wedding. AITA?

Bride yells at MIL for demanding a paternity test for 1-year-old twins before the wedding. AITA?


"AITA for yelling at my mother-in-law when she demanded a paternity test before the wedding?"

I (20f) am getting married in an official ceremony in a few months to my legal husband(21M) of 2 years, and his mother has made planning the real wedding difficult since the day we got engaged.

Full disclosure and kind of implied by the title, my husband and I initially became engaged due to an unexpected pregnancy that popped up while we were dating, and are now the proud parents of twins who are 1 year old.

I honestly don't blame MIL for her initial negative reaction since we had been seeing each other secretly. Husband and his family learned about the pregnancy at the same time when my sister (20F) kind of lost it after finding out and went over to their house to kick his a$s, and started a physical altercation that ended with Husband, going to the emergency room for minor injuries.

It was an entire mess, but after a lot of talking (and arguments, I won't lie) Husband was excited to be having kids despite the timing and circumstance. We got engaged immediately since he's fairly religious and wanted to avoid the social stigma around having children out of wedlock, especially since it was something that badly affected my family growing up due to rumors started about my parents, partly by his mother.

MIL actually fought then with Husband about the children belonged to him, and after some things were said he moved into my family's home where we stayed until we moved into our own place.

(Context: MIL has doubts because for many years my parents were in a lavender marriage situation together, and were doing IVF while also mutually dating a third, and my father was separately seeing his own partner during this time.

My brothers and I don't look much like our legal father at all if I'm being honest, and in all likelihood, our biological father is my parents' third. However, my parents didn't care how we were conceived, and raised us as my father's children in every way .

My MIL and my mother were friends for years before falling out badly and were in the same social circles, MIL took personal offense to the unconventional dynamic in my family, and made a spectacle of my mother every time she had a child before remarrying.)

My husband knew for a fact that the babies were his, however, and trusted me when I told him as much. We had our kids, and planned to get married before they turned 1, but Husbands' schoolwork and family issues we both had to deal with on top of raising the twins meant we had to rain check our first attempt.

Now, just a few months before our official wedding, MIL raises the issue about paternity again. My son looks EXACTLY like my Husband, especially in his old baby photos, aside from his eye color being a darker shade, and his hair having a curl to it he inherited from me.

My daughter on the other hand looks just like MIL. I swear I'm not kidding, she has my hair color, but aside from her eyes (she has Husbands eye color) she looks like MIL in miniature.

Despite the physical evidence, she still says there's "obvious" doubt due to my mothers history and implied that I was unfaithful to my husband in the past because of the example I grew up with, and the fact we "didn't start our relationship the right way."

Aside from not seeing Husband for two months when we got into a major fight and some cruel things were said by both of us (we have talked and settled this fully) I have known him my entire life, and spent half of it being his best friend, and the other half in love with him.

Even with my parents completely agreed upon family dynamics, I saw first hand how the questionable nature of the paternity of my brothers and I led to years of drama until they divorced, and resulted in a lot of insecurity that we had to cope with.

I love my Husband, and never wanted him to experience even a MOMENT of doubt in his head about the depth of my feelings and loyalty. My MIL chose the day of the announcement of our wedding date to approach me in private to push for the DNA test, and completely brought down my mood in seconds since I thought we were long past all of this.

She spent so much time with the twins in the last few months before asking for the test, and now I have to worry about how she treated them when we weren't there and if she said anything bad in front of them.

She kept using my daughter's appearance as an example of my "indiscretions," and insisted the only reason my son looks so much like Husband is because my mother shares features with him, and that when they get older their 'true' father’s features would come out, and her son would come to his senses.

She said she wouldn't let her son be subjected to what occurred between my parents, and that she would fight for him even if he's lost sight of reality because I was just as loose as my mother, and wrapped him around my finger.

She even had the gall to imply that if both of the twins had been girls, Husband wouldn't be as inclined to believe he was the father, and would have called for a separation.

It was around that time that I lost it on her. Husband adores our daughter just as much as our son, and has talked about wanting more kids in the future She brought this up in my parents’ house as well since they hosted the gathering where we announced our wedding date, which made my blood boil because she didn't have the decency to wait a while so she wouldn't disrespect me in the home I grew up in.

I called her a miserable b who couldn't stand the thought of other people being happy in their own relationships, and told her if she had that much doubt about the twins' paternity then she wouldn't be around them anymore.

There would be no DNA test, and if one was conducted without my permission then I would pursue legal action and drag her name through the mud in return. She wouldn't be going to the wedding either, since she was so determined for it not to happen (here I know I was in the wrong because I didn't talk to Husband before disinviting her).

More personal things were said, and the entire fight got loud enough for some people (all family thankfully) to overhear me all but kicking her out. Thankfully she left without too much fuss, likely because of the scene it would have made, but afterwards, Husband's older brother (M25) chimed in that I reacted too harshly, and should just do the test to reassure their mother and move on.

Their grandfather also agreed, saying it would settle the matter once and for all, and putting it off so far has just brought on the exact suspicion that I wanted to avoid in the first place.

My stepfather threw Husband's grandfather out afterwards as he'd worn out his welcome by then, and ended the celebration.My family reassured me in the aftermath that I was well within my right to be angry that she brought the DNA test up, but I noticed that Husband stayed to the side with the twins and didn't respond much even when we went home not long after.

I think he might be upset with me for how I treated his mother, and is waiting for a good time to bring it up, since it's likely a fight might start, and we always try to make sure the twins aren't around when they happen.

We're dropping them off at their (maternal) grandparents' house later, so I'll be hearing his feelings on all this then. I'm worried now that even if I was right for being upset yesterday, I went too far by getting so heated and raising my voice, as well as for throwing out personal barbs when I should have tried to stay calm and refuse her like an adult.

I really regret calling her what I did too, and plan on apologizing for that, no matter what judgment I get here. So, AITA?

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

mynewusername10 said:

NTA...tell MIL that you'll get the paternity test with the understanding that when it comes back that he's the father she will never contact you again. No visits to the house, no texts, nothing. On a side note. Wtf does your mom's sex life have to do with you?

TarzanKitty said:

NTA. Tell her relatives that you are willing to do the test to “put the matter to rest.” However, MIL will never lay eyes on your children again even after you provide the proof. The DNA test will be her final nail in the coffin only so she will know that she chose to lose her grandchildren. Get the test. Send it to her and block her permanently.

hezod said:

NTA. Now, on to the petty revenge. Get the paternity test. Then, as long as you and your partner agree that there is no doubt whatsoever as to paternity, of course, DO NOT OPEN the test results. Or, if you all can't help yourselves, have your peek and then PRETEND you and your husband did not open the test results.

When you and your husband invite her to see the final determination, make sure she knows that you are so confident that you have not even looked yet. When she's there, with you, gnashing her teeth at the envelope, burn it. Burn the envelope and tell her she can take your word...or leave.

What she thinks, wants, believes, chooses etc matter only as much to your family as your husband allows. You and your partner are of one mind on this, or you're not. If you and your husband are of one mind, then she has nothing to say. Burn the results with MIL believing neither you nor her son even looked at them.

Realistic_Head4279 said:

NTA for being angry your for MIL's butting in where she does not belong. This matter is between you and your husband only. If you two are sure of paternity and do not desire any testing, then that is the end of it. Others can think what they will.

Spare-Valuable8031 said:

NTA. Your MIL is not entitled to reassurance because they're not her children. As long as you and your husband are on the same page, let her wonder. And I commend you for your restraint.

If my MIL questioned the paternity of my son (who looks exactly like his father) years after I married my husband, and had the gall to do it in my parent's home - girl I might have slapped her. Cuz F that, who the hell is your MIL to question you values in your home? And why is she even talking to you about it? That's a conversation your husband needs to be handling.

runfatgirlrun88 said:

NTA. If you get a DNA test then your MIL will find something else to whip up hatred about. Or she’ll accuse you of faking the results. She is not a woman to be reasoned with.

Having said that, I agree that you don’t have a MIL problem; you have a husband problem - he should be establishing clear boundaries with his mother; and he should not be allowing his family to treat you this way, but even more importantly, he is not protecting your children from his toxic family.

If they feel comfortable openly berating you at a family gathering, that will impact the children growing up, and they will be treated poorly by his family. If your husband won’t step up and protect his children, you’re going to need to do it. You need to show them in no uncertain terms that it is not acceptable to be treated like that.

Everyone was on OP's side for this one. What's your advice for these soon-to-be newlyweds?

Sources: Reddit
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