Bride's dress code tells guests not to wear red and white. AITA? UPDATED
Expecting that guests don't show up to your wedding in a white lace gown is a reasonable request, but what about banning multiple colors from the wardrobe palette?
So, when a conflicted bride decided to vent to the moral compass of the internet otherwise known as Reddit's 'Am I the As%hole' about her wedding dress code, people were dying for the juicy bridal gossip.
"AITA for asking wedding guests NOT to wear two specific colors (white + red)?"
We’re having a non traditional wedding and the color of my dress became somewhat of a mystery-game in which the guests are trying to guess the color. Their guesses were white, red and black.
We thought that this guessing game was quite funny and when it was time to send out the invitations (6 months in advance) we decided on a dress code which stated that the event is semi-formal and the only two colors we don’t want them to wear are white and red.
Therefore they can choose any other color (and before anyone mentions pink and orange: those are okay. We’re only talking about bright red and bordeaux).
In addition: as we’re getting married in March, there’s a big possibility of it still having snow as well as all our florals are green I don’t want there to be a “Christmas-y” Vibe.
I got in an argument with our Best Mans GF (full disclosure: I don’t like her. I tried multiple times to find any redeeming qualities in her but as it seems we just can’t stand each other) twice: First when she asked me if she could wear a floor length white lace gown and second when she got herself a Bordeaux Velvet gown.
At first I kindly asked her not to wear those dresses as the dress code states and it would be disrespectful to the other guests that are dressing according to it and to us as hosts.
After a while she got her BF involved and made him confront me about being unreasonable and that her, as his GF, should hold a “special position” in our wedding and therefore be exempt from the dress code.
I became really stubborn and told them again, that there are multiple other colors available, that it’s not a big deal for her not to wear those two colors and I even offered her one of my dresses or even to sew her the exact same dress in a different color. They got angry and stormed off. Am I the Ahole here?
Additional Information:
She bought the red dress, she already owned the white one. She’s well in the financial situation to buy a new dress.
I myself offered her to go through my closet and choose a dress (I have a lot of formal and semi-formal dresses). I even would have made alterations to it to fit her.
in case it matters: We’re paying for everything which includes an open bar and a four-course-meal. They don’t pay for anything on the wedding. We don’t have a registry.
Later, the post was edited to include:
EDIT:
The “No white” rule of course doesn’t count for mens dress shirts (as a white shirt is kind of a default staple for a suit)! It’s for dresses and suits (the red as well)
As the question got asked: My fiancé agrees with me.
uninviting her/choosing a different BM (all tough IMO he did a bad job until now aka nearly nothing) is difficult as the BM is my fiancés cousin. Therefore not inviting her would possibly start family drama and dropping the BM as well.
Here's what the jury of internet strangers had to say about this mess:
[deleted] said:
NTA - a floor length white lace gown?!?! Is she insane?! No one should ever white to a wedding unless asked so you are really only taking red off the table as an option for people. You have already gone beyond what is necessary in terms of offering solutions.
pudge-thefish said:
NTA she just seems to want the attention on her, and why would the best man's GF get any kind of special treatment? I mean should the maid of honors dog groomer be allowed to attend and wear a wedding gown?
Visual_Humor_2838 said:
NTA. I’m not a huge fan of specific dress codes, but if I received an invitation that said “please don’t wear white or red”, I would shrug and simply comply. It’s definitely an AH move to be like, “surely this doesn’t apply to me.” And then for her to be argumentative over it… she sounds like a peach.
valiga1119 said:
NTA, it seems like you’ve offered a ton of alternatives. She wants special treatment and that’s honestly a little absurd.
Puzzleheaded-Sign-46 said:
NTA For all the reasons above. You're eliminating 2 colors, one of which is totally forbidden. The best man's GF doesn't want a splash of red on her dress, she wants a dress that's entirely a forbidden color. Come on, there's no way this isn't intentional.
[deleted] said:
NTA. She doesn’t sound nice at all. Sounds like she wants to get attention. Also your restriction is pretty small in terms of what colours, as well as it is your wedding. Your rules.
Eventually, the posted updated:
UPDATE AFTER THE WEDDING: She did in fact NOT show up in the red dress (she got a quite nice looking green one). She did try to wear a white sweater with it though (My fiancé figured that out A few days before the Wedding.
She told him, that “white is the only color that matches the dress” (yeah.) we again offered for her to go through my closet and this time she accepted.
Therefore no drama coming from her on the wedding day (there was a different guest that showed up in a light light light green wedding dress but that’s a different story and honestly, IDGAF anymore. Our wedding was great). Thanks for all the answers, opinions and help!