Groom's mother steals half the wedding menu; 'She accused me of being GREEDY.' UPDATED

When this groom is upset with his mom, he asks the internet:

"My entitled mother calls me greedy while she takes all the unused meat at my wedding. What should I do?"

EM (entitled mother) helped with putting marzipan on the cakes as My wife's sister did the cakes, but she didn't feel so good at a point because of her medical condition (FYI I don't blame her and she is not at fault for any of this) so I and wife had to make the decor and the fillings of the cakes.

Some context: I (24M) and my now wife(21F) recently got married, kinda small wedding with about 25 guests attending although it was supposed to be around 35 guests (but some were unable to attend last minute for non-important details), close family and friends.

We had help from one of the guests with buying and preparing the food and also do the cooking at the wedding (grilled).

As the guest works as a head chef/kitchen manager and does catering from time to time she offered to help us with this and the only thing we had to do was pay for the groceries all the time preparing and cooking and planning...

was her and her Fiancé's wedding gift to us, (would have cost between $1000-$1500 if we hired her instead). She planned the meal so there would be enough for 40 people to make sure it was enough for the initial 35. (meaning a lot of leftovers now)

So for the story, we have OP=me W=Wife and EM=my wife's entitled mother and Sis = wife's sister.

This story begins the day before the wedding when Wife's Dad informs that he doesn't want to attend he had been weary if he wanted to attend to show support or if that was too much even, note we wanted to know who would attend 2 months prior... but EM and Sis would attend.

so they finished the last stuff for the cakes, and then arrived. Sis was a bridesmaid so she did her part during the ceremony.

EM showed minimal support throughout the whole ceremony, the only person to not shed a single tear during the entire time, although it was very emotional even the wedding officiant and guests +1 cried a bit because it was very beautiful and emotional. But not EM.

After Dinner was finished and cake had been eaten and mingle time was at the end for guests not sleeping there which means EM and is leaving as well, she asks to get some of the leftovers so that Sis could have some lunch tomorrow.

Bring the unopened meat, the sauces and dressings and put the sauces in smaller containers so it was less for us to fix tomorrow, Wife said ofcourse cause that was reasonable...

but I was more sceptical since this seemed very out of place for how she had acted during this whole ordeal, so i asked why they would bring them back to town (we live 2 minutes apart from them, and the wedding was 45 minutes away)

and she said that they have a cooler because they brought the cakes so if they brought the unused food it wouldn't spoil, and I double checked with her and was clear she understood that it was only transporting it they would do so. And of course she understood that.

They left and not much more happened until the Day after, W dropped me off at our place and we started unloading everything and while I sorted where they should go and unpacked all gifts and clothes W picked up the sauce containers from their apartment that Sis had prepared, EM had gone out to their Caravan again (yes they have so they can live somewhat comfortable)

when she returned with just the Sauce I asked where the rest of the stuff was, she said EM must have forgotten it in the cooler and brought it to the caravan, we didn't think more about it at that point since we still had plenty of leftovers that had to be eaten first anyway.

Fast forward to yesterday when all hell broke loose since today W was supposed to drive Sis to the caravan so Sis can be there until EP goes back at the end of the week. We borrow one of their cars to do this (we pay for the gas when we do it, and we ask first if it is ok to borrow). She texted EM and the following conversation ensued

W: did you take the meat to the caravan?

EM: yes

W: have you eaten it?

EM: no

W: Could I bring it back home tomorrow when drives Sis?

EM: why?

W: cuz we want it.

EM: Fine, you can leave the car and garage keys at home. and you don't need to borrow the car anymore. we'll come and get Sis ourselves, putting the meat in the fridge.

W: Wow. So just because we want the meat back that we paid for, that I didn't mean that you could bring it to the caravan, it was because you had a cooler, so it wouldn't spoil since it is Vacuum sealed, I don't get to borrow the car anymore?

EM: exactly, I think it's very greedy of you two to not treat us with the meat, that I thought you meant I could bring. all we have given you two during your relationship. We have a limit too you know.

W writes again about how it was a wedding gift and apologizes if they misunderstood each other, and for example that OP's parents didn't bring anything from the wedding and didn't even ask. And that OP double-checked so EM understood that the unopened food was not theirs to keep.

EM calls W but I answer instead because W is crying and EM wanna speak to W but I inform that she is not fit for a call right now but she is listening in the background if there was anything important, EM asks that W calls her when she is able to and then I and her starts having an argument about the food again, paraphrasing a bit because it's not in English

EM: We took the unopened food because we could see that you 2 wouldn't be able to eat all of it before it got spoiled, and it was very greedy of us to not let us have it.

OP: we didn't plan to keep all of it ourselves but it is a wedding gift and we decide who should get what since there is a lot of other guests at the wedding who have also supported us through our relationship, but since it is a wedding gift its not only about the food but also that it's a matter of principles to not take others wedding gifts because its very rude and not at all OK without permission

EM: Well, ask W to call us when she can. bye I calmed W down and walked the dog. and wrote a long text to EM to summarize the whole ordeal and to give her more perspective and have still not gotten an answer back nor has W almost 14 hours after I hit Send

OP: Hi, ill try to get W to call you tomorrow so you can talk. And about the food keep all of it ourselves and some of the meat you took 3 different kinds was served at the wedding, you took all of the unopened and some are vacuum sealed and will be good for a long time as long as it stays frozen...

so expiration date on that isn't an issue, second of all the food is up to us to divide and share as we seem fit, and we had planned to give most of it to one of my best men who had to leave before food was served so he didn't get anything at the wedding, and he is couchsurfing because he is homeless

((long story, but he has a job again since almost a month back)) but instead you who are currently in your caravan in the archipelago and have half your freezer stuffed with meat which most of it is venison somehow felt more entitled to it, that's why we got mad not because we are "greedy".

We especially me have a very different perception and opinion of what greed is. So if you or her dad have any problem with this ordeal then scold me instead of W since I will be less bothered about it. hope this gives a little more perspective about this.

this was the end of events for now until we have picked up the meat and if W decides to call EM.

Before OP's update, let's see what readers had to say:

caerma writes:

This is the weirdest thing to me because something very similar happened to me. My wife and I paid for the majority of our wedding (her dad gave us $2k for the reception and my mom gave us $300 to cover the cake.)

We went out with my mom the night before to dinner and told her that we’d be using our leftovers for the after-party at our house following the reception. Drunk people need food and using the leftovers would save us money on snack foods for the party.

My mom disappeared at the end of the reception. I couldn’t find my leftovers anywhere. The restaurant said they didn’t have them. (This was TONS of food.)

My mom weirdly told me she had to go get us paper towels from her apartment for the party. I was annoyed she was leaving the party but was like, okay if you think it’s that important. (Spoiler, she was secretly whisking the food home to her fridge.)

I found out about two days later that she took the food when I opened my sister’s fridge and it was filled with the chicken from my wedding. My sister was home on bed rest and couldn’t attend, so she was none the wiser.

I confronted my mom and she said she gave each of my sisters enough for a few meals, gave some to her best friend, and kept some to herself. Her argument on why this was okay was because she gave me $300 for the cake and I was vegan, so it would have obviously gone to waste.

Needless to say, I lost it on her. I told her we had to feed our guests our wedding cake we were planning to freeze (all of it!) because we had nothing else to feed them. She didn’t think she did anything wrong.

cherrydin writes:

This story sounds eerily similar to the story of a friend of a friend, that I'll call tom. Tom is Swedish and not so long ago married his Egyptian gf whose parents came to sweden with years ago. She wasn't even 18 when they got together but her minor visa was soon to expire and she needed something to keep her in the country.

Same as this story, nearly half the people don't show up either because "she's an arabic girl supposed to marry an arabic guy" or because people aren't comfortable with their relationship dynamic.

Same as this story, mother in law (who lives in the equivalent of a trailer park/parking lot in sweden with a lot of immigrants and refugees) takes the meat from the food that got left over.

When he calls her to get it back, she cries and pleads that they have nothing to eat (because none of them work- long story) and he tells her he doesn't give an f.

Unlike this story however, he goes over there and bangs on their door until she gives it back. He threatens to call the cops to which mil freaks out and gives him everything because fil is overstaying his visa.

He then brags to my friend that his wife's sister came to their home to beg for food because they had nothing, saying "that'll teach them to not be theives".

I am lost because on the kne hand it has tp be this story right? It sounds so similar! But on the other hand a lot of details are changed and/or wrong. I guess I'll have to ask him then.

Update:

So the day after the post my wife got a text from MIL that the meat and all leftovers (that they hadn't eaten yet) was in their fridge in the apartment. They came to town and left it there when they picked up wife's sister and went back to the caravan.

They wanted us to take all of it since they weren't going to be home and didn't want us to throw away anything at their place since they were not going to be home. I'll be the bigger person and not do that to them.

We have now cooked and eaten some of the meat, about 5 pounds (2,3KG) yesterday and we're not sick so it's all fine(wooh).

They wanted us to return the containers they used for the sauce and leftovers, so we did that. Next, I'm gonna give some of the cooked meat to my friend who is doing much better now. He got his first paycheck from the job so things are getting better for him.

I've also unfriended MIL from social media but not blocked her in case of an emergency with my wife. I've decided I'm not gonna engage her at all until she apologizes. That, my friends, will probably take a long long time.

Probably not going to update anything more about this specific event but with a MIL who does this, there might be more in the future. I'll probably post in another sub specifically about MIL from heck.

Take care y'all and thanks for the concerns and advice!

Readers continued to weigh in on OP's saga:

dafas88 writes:

Well done for taking the high road on this, my petty ass would have been tempted to leave it in their apartment, they’d never be able to get the awful smell of rot out of their fridge.

Limiting contact sounds like a good idea though, sometimes if the best for both parties to have some distance - it’s a lot harder to argue if there’s limited contact there and they can’t see into your life as much.

Also I’m glad to hear your friend is doing better too, I hope you all enjoy the meat.