Bride's pregnant sister backs out of the wedding a year in advance, 'she won't talk to me now.' AITA?

"AITA for pulling out of my sister’s wedding a year before the event and being mad that she won’t talk to me now?"

Six months ago, I found out that I am pregnant. My husband and I hadn’t really been actively trying but we weren’t using protection because I’ve been told since I was in my teens that I was unlikely to be able to get pregnant, naturally. We are over joyed and our families are, as well! …except for my sister.

A few weeks following my pregnancy announcement, my mom and sister had a conversation about being realistic on if I would be able to take on all the duties of being her MOH while pregnant and later with an infant. My sister later spoke with me and told me that if I could not follow through with the duties of being her MOH - it was okay!

They could find something else for me to be involved in, with the wedding. (For context, my sister and FBILs wedding party is so big that they have two best men and two MOHs) I discussed it with my family and husband…

But I ultimately decided that it wasn’t fair to my sister or my child to make a promise to fulfill those duties when I would have a 3-4 month old infant and was generally unsure if I could do everything she needed of me.

The wedding is two towns away, 30+ minutes drive, and I would either have to bring the baby with me for the day of the wedding (What bride and bridesmaids want to listen to a baby all day while they are getting ready?) or I would have to leave the baby with someone else (From around 8am that morning to somewhere between 6-8pm that night).

So I ultimately pulled out of the wedding party, about 12 months before the date. And intend to help with other things. The problem is…despite my sister giving me the out and me taking the out….she will not speak to me. She hasn’t spoken to me or answered my calls in about 6 months.

She showed up to my gender reveal and completely ignored me. She ignores me at family dinners, outtings, etc. My entire family has told her she is in the wrong and needs to get over it…but I understand that it’s her special day.

But now I’m angry too…because I know that once I have this baby she is going to try to come into my home and act like everything is fine. And I will not allowed that to happen. I have had a difficult pregnancy so far…

Full of complications and sickness…my sister has been my best friend for years, she was the first person I called when I found out. And she was the one that gave me an out, in the first place. I needed her too…

EDIT:

To clear up some confusion, I am still planning on being involved in the wedding to some capacity and attending. Just not as the MOH. Also, it should be known that this is a CHILD FREE wedding. I did not mention that prior, however I realize now how important that minor detail actually is to you guys.

She came to ME about stepping away from the MOH position, not the other way round. I still offered to assist in what I can. Her expectations on what she expects from her MOH is beyond just standing beside her on her wedding day. If it were that simple, there probably wouldn’t even be an issue.

Here's what top commenters had to about this one:

FuzzyMom2005 said:

NTA. You need to put your health first. Two MOH? Who does that? Concentrate on your health. When she decides to ignore the past, you don't. Stop including her on anything until she apologizes. You don't need that. Her wedding doesn't give her any excuse to act this way.

IamIrene said:

NTA. Sure, it’s her special day but that doesn’t mean your life revolves around her life. I’m sure she’s simply dealing with the disappointment of not having her sister as her MOH but good grief. She’s acting a bit immature over it.

ladamedelamort said:

NTA. Is it just me or does this seem to be some kind of test that OP failed? Like her sister wants OP to choose her over her family? I wonder if her sister might also be greiving the loss of her place in her sister's life in some messed up way?

great9904 said:

NTA - going through this as well now. Dropped out of a family members wedding party like 7 months before the wedding because my baby will be 1 month old and have basically been disowned by half the family. It’s just really sh$tty that some family can act like this at what should be a really happy time.

Living-Assumption272 said:

NTA. She did what any loving and understanding sister would do, and that is, give you an out due to your pregnancy and everything that comes along with it. It’s not your fault that she’s changed direction and is angry with you.

I know she thinks her wedding is the most umportantvevent to ever take place on planet earth, but she’s being childish and selfish. And you’re not leaving her high and dry, she has a second MOH. She should really grow up.

Antelope_31 said:

Nta. You need to have a conversation with her and let her know if her petty behavior doesn’t end now, she will not be invited to participate in your lives after the baby is born. An infant doesn’t need to be around a mom who is stressed and being given the silent treatment. Babies absorb everything, all the energy in their environment. Hope you guys repair this relationship before it’s too late.