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Bride refuses to wear wedding dress, 'I want to wear a tuxedo,' groom rejects the idea. AITA?

Bride refuses to wear wedding dress, 'I want to wear a tuxedo,' groom rejects the idea. AITA?


"AITA for saying that I won't wear a wedding dress on the wedding day?"

I (23f) have been engaged to my boyfriend (23m) for about 2 months, and we've been dating for over 6 years. Our wedding is scheduled for a few months, and I'm super excited.

When my boyfriend asked me about a wedding dress, I told him that I didn't want one. I typically dress more "masculine," and on the wedding day, I want to wear a tuxedo. It's simply what I prefer and has always been what I wanted. Sure, it's not traditional, but I want to do what pleases me.

My boyfriend doesn't like my idea at all. He clearly was not pleased with my desire to wear a tuxedo. He says he hopes I can tolerate being "feminine" for once, and he always pictured me in a beautiful white dress on the wedding day.

I don't know what to do at this point. I still want to wear a tuxedo at the wedding, or something that is not a dress. Personally, I wouldn't be upset with my boyfriend if he chose to wear something out of the ordinary.

Am I the AH? Should I just wear a dress and move on after the event? I love my boyfriend and would love to be his wife.

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

chibbledibs said:

NTA, but maybe neither of you are ready for marriage

CJCreggsGoldfish said:

You deserve to have a wedding the way you want it. He deserves a wedding the way he wants it, too, but not at your expense. Honestly, this issue bodes ill for how things will go between you - how many other occasions will there be that he "always pictured" going a different way to how you would feel most comfortable, and will he expect you to give in to those, too?

Don't you want to look at the photos in 20 years and think of the day fondly, instead of being sad that you don't look as you'd have liked? It seems a bad idea to start a marriage out with resentment and pressure to compromise.

Altruistic-Bunny said:

You need be comfortable in what you wear. (Mentally comfortable, or sweatpants comfortable). Look at wedding pant suits. There are so many options these days. NTA.

qnachowoman said:

NTA. There are plenty of clothing options out there that don’t have to be a dress. If he isn’t ok with your aesthetic, or will feel embarrassed because his bride is in pants, then postponing the wedding might be the only answer.

Individual_Plan_5593 said:

NTA your wedding should be a happy day for you not something you have to "tolerate". You not wearing a dress doesn't hurt anyone. He wants you to act out of character for the ceremony where he's going to pledge his unconditional love and devotion to you...that seems hypocritical of him at best.

MajorAd2679 said:

ESH - I think a compromise should be reached on this one. There are some lovely wedding pantsuits for brides that exist. It would allow you not to be in a dress but not go on full man tuxedo style either.

I can understand your groom not wanting you to look like a man and hoping you to be in a more feminine style on this once in a lifetime occasion.

Most people were on OP's side for this one. What's your advice for this couple?

Sources: Reddit
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