Bridesmaid bails on sister's wedding, 'she tried to charge me a fee.' AITA? 'Everyone else is chipping in.'

"AITA for refusing to attend my sister’s wedding after she tried to charge me for being a bridesmaid?"

I have always been close to my sister, Lily, but our relationship has been rocky lately. A couple of months ago, Lily asked me to be a bridesmaid at her wedding, which I was excited about. I’ve always supported her, and I thought this would be a special moment.

But then, she gave me the list of "requirements" for the bridesmaids. The dress was over $300, and she said we needed to pay for our own hair, makeup, and even accessories. I wasn’t thrilled about the price but thought it was part of the deal, and I’d find a way to make it work.

However, a few weeks ago, she called me and said I also needed to pay for a "bridesmaid fee"—$150 to cover her costs for the bachelorette party, decorations, and "just to help out." I was shocked.

I asked if that was really a thing, and she said, "Well, everyone else is chipping in." I told her I couldn’t afford it and that it felt wrong to charge me to be a part of her wedding. She got angry, saying I was being "selfish" and "ruining her special day."

After thinking about it, I realized I just couldn’t do it. I told her I wouldn’t be attending the wedding if that was the case. She went silent, and now the rest of the family is mad at me, calling me petty and saying I should just "suck it up." AITA for refusing to attend and be charged to be a bridesmaid?

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

sleepy-kiwi12 said:

Charging for bridesmaid duties? What's next? An invoice for attending the wedding?

Wakemeup3000 said:

NTA. When someone tells you that you are being selfish and ruining something in their life its the adult version of a toddler temper tantrum for not getting their way. The $150 fee will turn into something more since everyone else is going along with it. Why contribute to her wedding slush fund?

Petefriend86 said:

NTA. I'm at the point in my life where if things cost money, sometimes they just don't happen. I'll attend a wedding, but I can't just drop a grand (or even half that) for anyone else's special day.

ocean_lei said:

NTA. It is common for the bridesmaids to pay for their dresses, but so nice if the bride covers that (esp if she wants something really expensive) as well as makeup and hair (if bride not paying, I think the bridesmaids should be able to choose to do their own.

It seems to have become a thing for bridesmaids to absorb the bachelorette costs to the bride, but at the same time those have become more and more outrageous, and I think declining to participate in the bachelorette if you cant afford it should always be an option.

As far as the suck it up, my reply would be “this is YOUR wedding, if you want me to do something I cant afford, YOU suck it up and find the money for it, otherwise I decline” I am not going into debt for someone else's 1-3 day celebration they cant afford.

Practical_Toucan said:

NTA. It seems weddings are just a way to extort money from guests nowadays.

Stunning_Swimming_48 said:

NTA. Weddings can be expensive, sure, but charging your bridesmaids a fee just to participate? That’s next-level ridiculous. It’s one thing to ask bridesmaids to cover their own dresses or hair and makeup, but demanding extra money on top of that? Nope.

darewin said:

NTA. Ask everyone in the family who is mad at you if they are willing to chip in to give you the $150. If they aren't, tell them to STFU.