Bridesmaid drops out right before wedding, bride re-gifts personalized present; AITA?

Considering how much work, time, and money is expected from bridesmaids these days, it's customary for brides to give their wedding party a thoughtful gift...

So, when a conflicted bride decided to vent to the moral compass of the internet otherwise known as Reddit's 'Am I the As*hole' about her ex-bridesmaid's gift, people were ready to help deem a juicy verdict. If you're not there for the classic champagne and silk robes getting-ready photoshoot, you don't get to keep the robe!

AITA for giving away an ex bridesmaid’s gift?

I recently got married over the weekend. I had a party of 8, but my good friend since high school dropped out a few days before the wedding without any reason.

I know her job gets stressful so I didn’t push for an excuse, but she still attended the wedding.

When I did the proposal boxes I told everyone that they should expect to spend about $500 for their outfits and bachelorette stuff.

No one seemed to mind the cost. In exchange I spent a good amount on the bridesmaid gifts like skin care, robes and slippers with their names on it, spa gift certificate, etc.

The bridesmaid who dropped out has a basic name (like Hannah) so I just gave her gift box to my cousin since I couldn’t get a refund on most of the items.

My cousin and my sister were showing off their gifts on TikTok, and my sister told me that “Hannah” asked her if they paid for the robes during the wedding. My sister didn’t think much of the question and told her it was a gift.

This morning Hannah asked me when she could pick up her gifts. I told her they were a thank you gift to my bridesmaids and she attended the wedding as a guest, so I gave hers away.

Her mom called me and told me I was being spiteful for giving away her gifts especially since she attended all the bachelorette events (not the rehearsal dinner but the bach party, dress shopping, and the wedding).

And since we have been friends for so long I should have considered her feelings. I told her I didn’t even think Hannah was coming and it wasn’t a big deal.

Was I being an a%s for giving it away? It hurt me that she dropped out, but the gifts were for my party.

Here's what the jury of internet strangers and wedding shamers had to say:

Zieglest said:

NTA. The gifts were for the bridesmaids. She wasn't a bridesmaid, at her own request.

In fact pulling out at the last minute was fairly rude, even if she was pissed at you giving away her gift she should have the grace to understand that she doesn't get to complain about your behavior given her own questionable way of operating. People in glass houses shouldn't throw stones.

Manager-Tough said:

YTA. So since it was just days before the wedding when she dropped out - she was involved in the entire process, went to the bach party, went dress shopping etc etc - meaning you must have already had her gift before she dropped out.

Was it personalized? Did you manage to replace her in the wedding party mere days before? Did that person get her gift? You know, since the gifts we’re for bridesmaids only.

You’re an even bigger asshole for the fact that your “good friend from highschool” dropped out of your wedding DAYS BEFORE and you couldn’t even be bothered to ask her WHY. My guess is you are why.

desolatediva said:

YTA I have a feeling A LOT of Info is missing in order to paint yourself innocent…

tinysmalls5 said:

NTA..the gifts were for the bridesmaids, she decided to drop out without telling you why so you dont have to give it to her just cause your friends.

Specific-Garlic-1036 said:

YTA. Why did you spend money on gifts instead of buying the dresses!!!??!!! Makes no damn sense.

saintceciliax said:

YTA and if you could afford to buy them those gifts why didn’t you just cover the costs yourself? Do you even like this girl?

nice-and-clean said:

YTA. You don’t even know why your good friend couldn’t do it. You didn’t care enough to find out. She joined you for all the events leading up to it. But you couldn’t thank her for any of that?

So, there you have it...

While the opinions were fairly divided for this one, most people felt that this bride was wrong to deny her ex-bridesmaid her gift. Especially considering she did participate in many of the pre-wedding events that probably required money, time, decorating, and at least one bad hangover--the least this bride could do is give her the gift she already personalized.