Bridesmaid plans to drop out of SIL's wedding in a month, 'my daughter is set to be the flower girl.' AITA?

"AITA for planning to drop out of my SIL's wedding a month from now?"

My SIL is getting married in a month, I am a bridesmaid, and my daughter (the only young female child she knows) is set to be the flower girl. My SIL I believe has only asked me to be in the wedding because she wants my daughter in the wedding, and her mother pressured her to ask me.

She didn't even ask me directly herself to be in the wedding, she texted me. Unlike the other 3 bridesmaids who got a cute gift and asked in person. I haven't been included in any of the events, or planning of the wedding.

She has had all of the other bridesmaids over to her home to make their bouquets together and has gone on a spa trip with the other bridesmaids, and never invited me. When I asked her about this she straight up said "oh, I didn't even think about you, sorry!"

And currently this weekend, she is at the beach with all of the other bridesmaids and I wouldn't have even known she was having her Bachelorette this weekend if she hadn't been posting on SnapChat, and Instagram.

I am honestly really hurt and sad. We moved away from my family to live near to my husband's family, and I thought my SIL I were closer than this. But apparently she doesn't see me as a friend or even remember I exist half the time.

Anyway I'm hurt, and wanting to not be in the wedding where I don't feel I'm actually wanted anyways. I will not be taking my daughter out of the wedding. Just myself. Am I in the wrong?

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

GoldenHourShower_ said:

NTA. I wouldn't stress this. She is making it clear you aren't wanted. I would give her a simple: "I can tell you don't really want me IN the wedding. I don't need to be catered to. Enjoy your friends." And be the bigger person. Ez pz.

Less_Ordinary_8516 said:

NTA. Obviously you haven't really been in the wedding from the beginning. Being left out of every bridesmaid moment means you weren't actually in the running, but as you feared your SIL was forced to ask you.

Tell her your sorry she was pushed to ask you, no hard feelings but your pulling out and she still gets her flower girl. If she gets at all nasty, pull your daughter and don't go at all.

None of this was your fault, it would have been better if she had talked to you about it instead of hurting you like this. Just act like a lady, and if it gets bad, you will show it was all her, not you!

stroppo said:

NTA. I'd be tempted to not show up as a bridesmaid and if she asks why you're not participating saying "Oh, I didn't think you'd notice." But that would be a bit much, so to be polite you should tell her. Be prepared for a backlash though!

Ok_Conversation9750 said:

NTA but don't just plan on dropping out - do it now. Tell her your daughter will be her flower girl, and she has time to find a replacement bridesmaid. I hope you haven't invested too much $$ in dress etc.

Putasonder said:

NTA, drop out soon and graciously. Don’t talk about how she’s excluding you, just make an excuse like you don’t have time and her wedding is too important and deserves so much more attention than you’re able to give it...

but you’re looking forward to being a guest and you’re excited to see your daughter be her flower girl. She’s basically begging you to drop out. She had her plan and she let her mother derail it.

CurlyNaturally said:

NTA, but your SIL is a big one. Drop out now and if your husband or MIL question it, refer them to this post. She's shown you who she is, believe her. Return the energy given. Good luck.