Bridesmaid won't take off pig necklace, learns it was used to prank overweight teen.

"AITA for refusing to remove a piece of jewelry at the request of my friend on her wedding day?"

My (31f) friend (30f), we’ll call Mary, got married last week and I was in her bridal party. For context, we are friends from high school and all of her other bridesmaids were her friends from college who I hadn’t met until her Bachelorette party several months ago. I also wasn’t familiar with anyone at this wedding outside of Mary’s immediate family.

I was supposed to attend the wedding with my own fiancé but he contracted Covid 5 days before we were supposed to leave and made the choice to stay home for everyone’s safety (I tested negative and we don’t live together).

Our 5th anniversary of our first date was 2 months ago and he got me a beautiful opal necklace on a gold chain specifically to wear to the wedding because it complimented my bridesmaid dress.

I asked Mary in our bridal party group chat if she was alright with us wearing our own jewelry to the wedding, she said no problem. Day of the wedding comes, all of us bridesmaids and Mary meet early in the morning for pictures outside the chapel.

Mary sees my necklace and loves it, and actually asked if she could switch her necklace with mine. Some other bridesmaids chime in and say that it would be her “something borrowed”. I tried as politely as I could to tell her that my fiancé got this for me to wear to the wedding and especially since he can’t be here, I’d like to keep it on.

Mary and the other bridesmaids were persistent, saying it was her wedding and her pictures and I wasn’t being accommodating, but I firmly told them no. Mary then said if I could at least take it off since it looked nicer than her own jewelry. Again, I told her I’d rather not, I’d like to share the wedding photos of myself in the necklace with my fiancé.

She was not happy, neither of the bridesmaids were either. I received a lot of cold shoulders and dirty looks at the ceremony and reception. I felt awful. After the first dance, Mary’s sister came up to me to tell just how upset Mary was and rude it was that I upset her so on her big day.

Am I an as*hole? It’s been more than a week and I’m still thinking about it nonstop and Mary hasn’t answered any of my texts.

Later OP came back with this update:

Hi everyone, thanks for being patient, I know a lot of folks have been expecting an update. For a while, nothing had really changed. Mary continued to ignore my texts and I hadn’t heard from her.

That was until this past fall. In February, Mary’s father was diagnosed with lymphoma. In September, he passed away. Her family is very tight-knit and we grew up in a small town, so everyone came out to help them. I went to the funeral but didn’t get to speak to her beyond condolences.

I decided to visit her at home the next night, unprompted with some cooked food. Her husband answered the door and was actually very happy to see me. He gave me a hug and told me he was grateful I came and took me into their living room where Mary was watching old movies. Mary was also excited to see me, gave me a hug and told me to sit with her.

Her husband brought us wine and we spent hours talking, laughing, reminiscing about her dad. It was like the last year never happened. That was until a little past midnight and Mary told me she needed to talk to me about her wedding.

She said she had no intention of wearing the necklace, she just wanted it out of the pictures. She said she recognized it from years ago.

You see, Mary and I went to a public high school, but my fiancé and Mary’s sister, Annie, went to a private high school in the area. When my fiancé and Annie were in school, he asked her out as a joke.

Annie used to be very overweight in high school. He asked her out at school and later when he was supposed to pick her up, he left at their door a bouquet of bacon and fries and a stuffed animal pig that was wearing the necklace.

Mary remembered how much her sister cried. She thought if she recognized the necklace, Annie would too. And Annie did, she was so traumatized by seeing it again, and learning who my fiancé was, that she told me I ruined the wedding.

Mary didn’t want to bring it up at the time, and tried to get me to take it off while not explaining this horrible memory on her big day.

Naturally, I was shocked at what I heard. And when I called my fiance the next day to ask about it, he denied it. I pressed him and eventually he did tell me it was true, but it was only a high school prank not to take seriously. I asked him if he gave me that necklace so Annie would see it. He said yes, but he thought she would understand the joke.

I’m now wondering if he even had covid last year, he never showed me his positive test. If he knew how much Mary’s family hated him and if he sent me with the necklace to further traumatize Annie.

I feel sick, I haven’t answered his calls and having second thoughts about our future marriage. Mary and I are back on good terms. She and her husband invite me over frequently. They’ve both stated they’ll support me and let me stay with them if I call things off.

And later, OP added:

It is my understanding that her other bridesmaids were also not abreast to the situation with Annie and thought they were helping her get the jewelry she wanted for her wedding.

And here's what the people thought about it...

pjpotter14 says:

Yikes. What a terrible thing to do to someone. And then to purposefully bring it back up at her sister's wedding. That's just so messed up. I would call off the engagement. It sounds like he finally showed his true colors.

Ponceludonmalavoix writes:

Seriosuly, to deny it and THEN gaslight you that it 'wasn't a big deal' Eff that. This guy sucks. When the honeymoon is over, you bet he's going to be a total shit.

Electrical-Date-3951 comments:

That man is downright cruel. I remember this post, and honestly didn't expect this update. The fiance gave OP the necklace specifically to wear to the wedding. Back then, he may have been a cruel teenage HS bully who didn't fully comprehend the impact of his actions. But, now he us an adult man who came up with a plan, months in the making, to intentionally hurt Annie and Mary.

It is even worse that he used OP to do it, and then quietly enjoyed seeing the breakdown of her friendship.... I also think he lied about being sick to ensure that OP would face any backlash alone and Mary/Annie could look like the crazy ones if they told the true story. That's just so horrible. I have no words. This man is cruel.