Bridesmaid is reluctant to pay for hair and makeup, 'saying no would make me look like a bad friend.' AITA?

"AITA for being angry that I’m being forced to pay $400 for hair & makeup as a bridesmaid?"

I recently moved to NC for my spouse who is military. I left my job in January, went back to grad school, and started waitressing to make ends meet. My best friend is getting married, and I’m one of her bridesmaids.

I love her, but the costs are getting overwhelming. She picked a makeup artist that charges nearly $400 for hair & makeup, and required all of us to use her in order for the artist to travel to the wedding.

On top of that, I’ve already spent: ~$400 for flights & Airbnb for her bachelorette in New York, $129 for the dress, $100 tailoring, ~$600 More flights & hotel for the wedding itself, plus the wedding gift I still need to buy.

When she first sent us the costs back in December, I privately told her I was struggling financially and would be doing my hair/makeup myself. She said she “understood” and might reconsider a different artist if more bridesmaids mentioned it. Other bridesmaids (including the MOH) did complain, but she ultimately decided to stick with this expensive artist and expects us to pay.

Now things are worse because my dog had an accident requiring surgery & physical therapy, which we paid out of pocket. My budget is tight, but I feel stuck like I’m being forced into an awkward position where saying no would make me look like a bad friend. AITA for being angry about this?

Here's what people had to say to OP:

Sami_George said:

If the bride requires it, the bride should be covering it. NTA.

OhmsWay-71 said:

NTA. Not at all. You need to call, not text, as say something like…“Hey, I know we talked about costs at the beginning and at that time I let you know that I was struggling.

I have reached my limit, and I can not keep up. Hair and make up is off the table as I can not afford it. Going forward, anything extra I am not going to be able to do. I want to be there, I want to stand up for you, but facts are facts and I don’t have the money for anything else. “

Then you let her be mad, disappointed, or however she needs to react. Tell her you understand it is frustrating, but you tried to be honest right from the start and you can not make money appear.

You are not the ahole. It is wrong to expect this of someone who already said they were struggling. It is fine if you have a vision for your wedding, but you have to be the one to pay for it. If you want to book the fancy makeup/hair person who has a minimum amount of people she takes, you are covering those costs. You do not commit others.

redditstinkttotal said:

NTA. When did it start that brides don’t pay for their bridesmaids anymore?! It is horrendous.

hayleybeth7 said:

NTA. My opinion is that if hair and makeup are required, the bride should pay and it definitely shouldn’t cost this much. I was in a wedding last year and hair and makeup were optional, but I decided to get mine done since it was a special day. It was about half that much, including tip.

OffKira said:

YTA to yourself if you do this - she's certainly not concerned about being a bad friend, why should you worry about that? She's not forcing you to do anything, good or bad, it's your choice here.

Careless_League_9494 said:

NTA. Asking someone whom you know is struggling financially to be your bridesmaid, and then setting the expenses well into the $1000's for participation in the wedding, is just downright ignorant.

I knew my bridesmaids were struggling financially when I got married, and they would already have to travel to participate(we all lived in different regions), so to offset that, I provided accommodations for most of them, and made sure that their costs for their outfits would be well below the average for a bridesmaid...

...and even offset the cost from my own budget where necessary, because their participation was important to me. This person asked you to be a bridesmaid, but very clearly doesn't actually value you as a friend if they thought it was acceptable to put you in this position in order to be a part of their wedding.

Later, OP edited the post to include:

For clarification, I declined hair and makeup and said I would do it myself. The artist had a minimum bridesmaid requirement in order to travel, and at the time, enough bridesmaids agreed to pay, so it didn’t matter that I opted out.

Later, however, several bridesmaids backed out of the cost, and we raised concerns about the artist’s pricing. The bride had said she would look into alternatives if that happened, but instead, she put down a deposit and required all of us to reimburse her.

I never agreed to this. I made it clear months ago that I was doing my own hair and makeup. The bride also knew about my financial situation (moving, leaving work, tight budget) before asking me to be a bridesmaid.

I did save money for wedding related expenses, but I was not expecting this added cost. And no, $400 is not a normal rate for a makeup artist. my past experience has been closer to $90-$100, or I’ve had the option to do it myself.