Wedding guest’s secret breakup plan exposed after bride refuses staged proposal at wedding. AITA? + UPDATE
"Am I being a bridezilla by asking my best friend’s partner to not propose at my wedding?"
I get married in April. We got engaged at Christmas, but in January by dad was given 5 months max after being taken off Chemo for it not working. I will preface this by saying I never wanted the big white wedding. I am not a fan of being the centre stage, etc.
My best friend (26F) of 14 + years, is the polar opposite of me. My partner and I have been super busy with work, so have allowed my parents to plan the wedding (his parents are out of the country on holiday but have had input).
My dad wanted a bigger celebration as this will be the last chance he gets to celebrate. I am obviously heartbroken and want to give him exactly what he wants. I chose my bridesmaids and my partner chose his best man / groomsmen.
My best friend is one of my bridesmaids and my niece is my other. My bestie from day 1 of being asked has been finding dresses - not a problem. I’ve said all along - I just want them to feel comfortable so to wear what they want (I am paying). Some of the dresses were questionable, but I honestly didn’t have the heart to tell her. Men’s suits were all chosen and everyone was happy.
A little side note here - my parents have never been a fan of my bestie - they think she’s an attention seeker and “a bit of a tart”. They accepted my choice because they know I love her to bits.
Last week when we went to see my bestie - she had a baby recently so love going to see bubba - she was saying “I think(her partner - let’s call him Paul) Paul is going to propose at your wedding” and getting all excited. She kept saying how she wanted it to be a perfect proposal and we have the perfect venue. That is true- the venue is stunning.
On the way home from seeing her, I was talking to my partner and said that I didn’t want him to propose at the wedding, as we were already celebrating a wedding and my beautiful daddy, and didn’t want to take away from that.
I reached out and tried to explain this to bestie. Her reply “if you are going to be a bridezilla, I don’t want to be part of your rushed wedding. If you can’t stand other people getting attention - you’re really pathetic and need to get over yourself”.
Here I will input - partner and I have been together 4 years, her and partner have been together 1 year. (NOT that this is any sort of competition). But here is where I may be the bridezilla / AHole.
My response “I’m truly sorry you feel like I’ve been a bridezilla / AHole, I’ve tried to be accommodating and as free willed as possible. You’ve had your choice of dress, shoes, hair, make up, accessories - which we’re all paid for by me, and we have accommodated bringing your baby (which of course we would as we love you).
You know I don’t like major attention but this is my family, my friends and they’re coming to our wedding. If you’re so desperate for the attention on you - perhaps it’s best you’re not there.
I’m sorry that this hasn’t working out, I’m truly heartbroken. But this day needs to be perfect for my daddy”. Her last response, I didn’t respond: “your dad’s gonna die, he won’t even be here to give a damn”. I don’t mind losing her over this, but I’m heartbroken and now thinking I may have been a bridezilla.
EDIT - I thought I’d update with a few common points:
I no longer want this girl in my life, let alone the wedding. She’s a vile human being. Partner hates her and has hated her since they met.
I have always been that one girl she gets at, I’ve never had much luck making friends, so I think that’s why I’ve always accepted bad treatment. I AM GONNA SEND A MESSAGE AND BLOCK! She’s done! (I’m not sure how to share SS’s but I’ll work it out🩵
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's initial post:
“Your dad’s gonna die, he won’t be here to give a damn”
Are you sure this is a friendship worth saving?
Like whoooooooo tf says that? THAT IS NOT YOUR FRIEND!
HELL NO. YOUR 'BESTIE' IS A RAGING, HEARTLESS, JEALOUS, SELFISH C*NTZ!LL@ AND SURE AS HELL NOT YOUR FRIEND OR 'BESTIE'. There is ZERO way you're going to avoid this unless you uninvite both of them.
These people are attention seeking af and if you think they'll respect you, after she's more excited for her proposal at, you know, your wedding... If you do go ahead with both of them being invited then yeah, expect your big day and YOUR DADS FINAL CELEBRATION to turn into your 'besties' proposal day, that plot twist, you and your parents have paid for!
Three days later, the OP returned with an update.
Thank you to everyone that gave comments / feedback / support and advice. And as I’m sure you all expected … WE HAVE AN UPDATE …HE WAS GOING TO LEAVE HER - NOT PROPOSE!!
So my partner and I reached out to him, asked him to meet in a neutral place (we chose the park near to his house). He agreed to meet us … alone. **Side note, we live about two hours apart since I moved out of my parents and we moved to a different city. I travel most weekends to see my parents❤️
I showed him the messages (from the screenshots shown in my last post) and he was raging. “Paul” was so angry at what had been said … then turned to us and said “I actually wanted to leave her, but was waiting until after the wedding as to not ruin the day for you and your dad …”.
We had a long chat, Paul and my partner have a lot in common and he’s always been lush to the both of us. We drove him home and left - driving the two hours home I felt relieved. I’ve never felt so stress-free. I had no one to try and please. And who needs an egg-sucking bridesmaid anyway.
Paul rang when we got home … they’ve split up. She tried to deny the messages … but didn’t delete them from her phone so he knew it was true. He told her he was repulsed and was planning on leaving after she’d been unkind to his mum (also ill). Paul wants an amicable split with baby, so will possibly getting lawyers involved.
My daddy is over the moon, he’s heartbroken that I’ve lost pretty much my only friend, but he’s so glad she’s gone! He’s surviving day to day and we are giving him the best we possibly can.
We took him suit shopping and he looks absolutely incredible. My mum hasn’t got her dress yet, but we are having a special girlie day out soon - dresses, spa day, and just overall love.
Major updates: Passwords with Vendors. Paul is still coming - either alone or with a friend or someone else! He deserves a break. Paul is going to tell her parents - who are massively religious and massively strict and WILL NOT TOLERATE BULLIES!! ❤️
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's update:
I love when the trash takes itself out lol. I'm so glad you and your dad were able to go suit shopping and that you'll have a stress free wedding.
Glad she got dumped, she deserves it. Hope her parents give her a good telling off too, she's such a cow.
I’m so glad you spoke to Paul and he’s leaving her ass. Hopefully he gets custody of their baby. Block her on absolutely everything. Make sure your fiancé and any family that has her also blocks her. Hire security for the wedding. She WILL show up to cause problems.
So glad you are free from that toxic person who was not really your friend. But you got something good out of it- a friendship with Paul. You get to keep him in the friendship divorce. Have a wonderful wedding/celebration of dad. I hope he is well enough to enjoy it to the fullest. Updateme!
Happy for you OP. That was no friend. She's an energy sucking, attention starved leech. I wish you the best wedding and marriage! Also, kind thoughts and prayers for your Dad.