'AITA for bringing my SIL’s wallet to dinner when she always "forgets" it?' + SISTER SHARES HER SIDE

"AITA for bringing my SIL’s wallet to the restaurant when she conveniently always forgets it?"

My (f28) SIL “Amy” (f26) always comes to visit from out of town. She stays with us instead of a hotel, and always wants to go to expensive restaurants. She always conveniently forgets her wallet, or domes up with some excuses as to why she can’t pay her share.

She has implied that since I make much more money than her, I should be the one to pay (no, not my husband should pay, but me specifically). I do make a fair amount of money, but not so much that I can treat someone every time they come into town. Nonetheless, in the past, I have just paid the bill and asked her to pay me back. She never has.

She had made a reservation at an extremely expensive restaurant last night, and before we left, I made it clear that I wouldn’t be paying her bill. This is where I might be the asshole, and I’ll admit I got this move straight from and episode of Two and a Half men. As we were leaving, her and my husband went to the car. I pretended I forgot something and went back inside.

I found her wallet sitting on top of her suitcase. I put it in my purse and we went to the restaurant. When we were done eating, I asked for separate bills. She said no, we need one bill, because she “forgot” her wallet again. I reached in my purse and said, “this wallet?” She was furious. She said that I should not have touched or grabbed her wallet. So AITA for taking her wallet and bringing it to the restaurant?

Edit 1: Amy just called me, she saw this post and she yelled at me for "badmouthing" her on the internet. Honestly I don't care. Amy, hopefully reading all these comments is a wake up call for you.

Later, OP shared this UPDATE and answered some common questions about her post:

Why does DH keep letting Amy in? Without getting into too much detail, he has always been expected to pay for nice things for the females in his family. He's also been kind of scammed out of large sums of money by his family. That's slowly been shut down over times, and we're working on shutting down this dinner/outings thing. He allows this because he feels bad that they don't have a lot of money.

It's sad, but that's how his family got along for a very long time - being dishonest about anything and everything to get their hands on some extra money or extra financial help. I could write a book on some of the things I've seen them do over the years. It hasn't been easy to show these people how wrong this is.

He has talked to Amy about being cheap, has had come-to-jesus moments, and genuinely has always felt that next time would be different. We've been in therapy addressing this, and he's learned to set boundaries. This restaurant thing is a boundary that he hadn't yet set. It's hard to set all boundaries all at once when you have had no boundaries for years.

Does he pay too? We are married. My money is his money. When I mentioned Amy speicifies I should pay, I meant more that she specifies since I make good money, we as a whole shouldn't be "cheap."

What was the point if you ended up paying? I knew Amy wasn't going to pay. She *always* finds a way not to pay. I went to the restaurant fully expecting to foot the bill. I did this because I saw it on a show and thought it would be funny to do IRL, to be completely honest. The point wasn't really to get her to pay, it was more to show her that the "forgot my wallet" excuse was getting old.

Is Amy banned from visiting? Fortunately, this post turned out to be a good thing. DH has always had it in his head that Amy is a good person and has her reasons for being sneaky and cheap, like I mentioned above. In his head, it's not her fault she is the way she is; it's the circumstances of their upbringing that cause her to make bad decisions.

But, seeing Amy's reply to my post and peoples' repsonse to Amy has really changed his thinking. That's the first time Amy has outright admitted that she's purposely taking advantage. Reading some of the other comments has also been eye-opening for him. So, DH has told Amy that she's not welcome here, at least not for a long while.

Judgement: Thanks for lots of NTAs, but I liked one commenter's "Sometimes it's okay to be the a$$." I think that's exactly what it was here. It was an a$$ move, but also outweighed by Amy's a$$holery.

This is Amy's comment on her sister's post:

Maybe i am wrong for always forgetting my wallet but it’s not fair that she always pays for her own sisters but not for me. she would never take her sisters wallet and embarrass her at a restaurant trying to make her pay. taking my wallet and sneaking it to the restaurant when she can afford to pay for things is so messed up.

And OP replied:

Wow, I can’t. My sisters are in university working their asses off to pay their own tuition, so yes I treat them occasionally. They don’t come to my house expecting me to pay for everything. How much money I earn is not anyone’s damn business. How I spend my money is not anyone’s damn business. My husband is “cheap” now because we have a mortgage to pay and a child to take care of.

I also didn’t have much money to my name at a time in my life, but I never mooched off of anyone or expected anyone to pay my way. Not even my own parents. You figure that out on your own. Get the hell off my post and go complain to someone who cares.

The End!