'AITA for bringing up MIL's finances at a family gathering after she constantly brings up mine?'
"AITA for bringing up MIL's finances at a family gathering after she constantly brings up mine?"
My MIL is constantly making derogatory comments about our finances. We aren't rich, but we aren't broke either and we have never asked her for money (she has chosen to give us some generous gifts) so really it is none of her business.
Every time we are excited about something (new car, a trip, some home renovations) she has to chime in and ask if we can afford it or if we are sure it is a good use of money. I've also heard through the grapevine that she thinks I'm spoiled, not sure where she is getting that from.
If she was just frugal herself that might not bother me so much, but MIL lives a very lavish life and doesn't say this anything to anyone else. Her manchild boyfriend recently went out and bought a Ferrari because he was sad, and she didn't say s#$% about that. She is a CEO and I know she makes bank, but still we are not poor.
I'm sick of it and have asked my husband to talk to her, but truth be told he is kind of a coward. We had a family gathering recently and MIL pursed her lips when she found out I had upgraded my wedding band and made a snide comment that it wasn't even 10 years and implied it was a waste of money.
I looked right at her and began asking questions "how much do you have in your bank account?" "Who pays your bills?" "Are you splitting the money equal in your will, because we all know you like your daughter more?" "What did that bag cost?"
MIL was horrified and said I'm tacking for talking about money. I clapped back that she has been talking about my money for years and clearly doesn't like it when the shoe is on the other foot. She rolled her eyes and stormed off. My husband was mortified and said I really went too far and embarrassed him in front of his family.
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
Lol I think it was hilarious! Since your husband is a mama's boy, somebody needs to be aggressive!
So he's willing to scold you for embarrassing him, but not talk to his mother for disrespecting you repeatedly? You're not wrong, but know where your husband's loyalties lie.
Ok_Star9817 said:
NTA. She got a taste of her own medicine and didn't like it. Good on you for stepping up to her. Also, you're right, your husband is kind of a coward.
HereWeGoAgain-1979 said:
Not a MIL problem, it is a husband problem. Mama's boy. NTA.
just_mayaaa said:
NTA, you gave her a taste of her own medicine. It's understandable you reached your limit. She's been crossing boundaries for a while, and sometimes people need a wake-up call to realize their behavior is unacceptable.
Specialist-Leek-6927 said:
NTA, but your husband is fine with you being humiliated as long as he stays in his bully of a mother will, simple as that. Shouldn't you stop going to those gatherings where people seem to dislike you?
Wild_Violinist_9674 said:
NTA. But really, I hope you're prepared to deal with this for life because it sounds like your husband is his mother's emotional surrogate, who would still be with her if it weren't for you, and your husband hands his balls to her when she's around. Personally, I prefer to be the only woman with access to my husband's balls, but you do you.
Thrwwy747 said:
NTA. Omg I love you for all of that! That's absolutely hilarious! You should get a new invasive question printed on a t-shirt for each gathering moving forward. And when MIL starts, you just take off your jacket/shirt/whatever and reveal the question of the day.
Ok_Voice_9498 said:
NTA. It sounds like MIL just doesn’t like you…and your husband needs to put her in her place. Period.
No need to worry about what’s in her will now. Because it’s not gonna be you and hubby.
Yeah no normal mother would cut one child entirely out of her will because his wife made her mad once. I know she loves her daughter more but even she isn’t that petty.
Why is he terrified of his mom? Regardless, tell him that the only way for him to no longer be terrified of her is to STAND UP to her! She's probably waiting for him to do that, anyway. It's very freeing 🍀
Everyone’s terrified of her. She is ruthless and cut throat in business and doesn’t know how to turn it off when she gets home. He grew up watching everyone in the family buckle to her demands (mostly because they wanted her to pay for stuff) it’s sad he doesn’t get she doesn’t respect any of them because they let her act this way.
Without knowing the full story it’s hard to tell what is going on here. If my adult son and his wife spent frivolously and I was concerned I might say something. Not to be judgmental but more because I would worry about their financial future. Upgrading a wedding band is something you do after you are established.
You say you aren’t poor but that’s a vague statement. Do you own your own home? Do you have savings, a retirement plan set up? Credit card debt? If you are established then she’s just assuming you’re not. If you aren’t established then perhaps she’s on to something.
But the thing is that is none of that is her business. She’s never been married in her life (and doesn’t want to) and owns a diamond ring which probably cost more than our house.