Bride-to-be ends engagement a week before wedding upon learning fiancé orchestrated lawsuit against her. AITA?
"I broke up with my fiancé a week before the wedding and now his family will not leave me alone."
I am in desperate need for advice and I cannot really talk to those in my family or my friends as they are very angry on my behalf and want me to scorch the earth and burn all the bridges.
I met my now ex about 3 years ago. I was 22 and he was 27. We got along really well at first, and we stayed friends for a while. It wasn't until the very end of 2023 that we decided to go on a date.
It was more of a joke date because we had a few friends that kept trying to push us together. However, being by myself with him that night really changed how I looked at him. We spent hours talking and laughing at dinner.
I felt lik we connected on a different level. We spoke about what we each wanted for our future's and they almost completley alligned. We started going on several dates a week after that. Some just to coffee shops or walks in the park with our dogs, others to nice restaurants or movies etc.
I say all this to show that the relationship was always easy, fun, and happy. We had very few disagreements, and those we did have were not about serious topics. It breaks my heart knowing that he was lying to me the whole time.
We got engaged in May (I know it was fast, but it felt right), and planned our wedding for the last week of February. I am Mexican and he is Indian, so we planned a traditional Mexican wedding for the 23rd and then the rest of the week were going to be the big parties and ceremonies following his families traditions.
Four days ago, on Valentine's morning, I was approached by my ex's cousin at my home. I was finishing packing when she knocked on my door. We sat on the floor (since all my furniture had been moved) with coffee and started talking.
We had been very close since before I started dating my ex, and the engagement just brought us closer. After some small talk, she told me that she had something serious and difficult to discuss with me.
She wanted me to listen to a voice recording my now ex and a family gathering of his. I was unable to attend due to work commitments. In this recording he was bragging about a case he had a few years ago. He sounded drunk and was telling whoever he was with to not say anything to me.
As I listened longer, he let details about this case slip, and it became apparent he was talking about a case that I was sued in. In 2020, I rear-ended a truck who slammed on their breaks while we coming up to a red light.
I wasn't paying proper attention and hit the trucks back bumper. We were going less then 10 miles an hour when it happen, and the truck had one stratch above the license plate as a result. I called my insurance and reported the accident.
Within an hour I was being told by my insurance that the driver of the truck had retained a lawyer and were claiming there were 5 people in the truck and all had serious injuries. They couple that were actually in truck didn't know that we had a lot of mutual friends who they bragged to.
They bragged to those mutual friends that they were going to get all the mony that they could because I looked rich, and openly admitted to those friends all the lies they were claiming. Which included the amount of people in the car, all the injuries, and that their lawyer insisted on claiming injuries and emotional trauma from the accident.
I was also told by these mutual friends that their laywer had given them my address and phone number, which then led to harrassing phone calls, messages, and people parking in front of my driveway and blocking my car in.
There was much more, but then this post would longer than it already is. It was terrifying, and emotionally exhausting. It did not end until a few of those friends told me that they would volunteer to be witnesses in court if needed.
I called my insurance and spoke with the investigator assigned to my case and let him know everything with my friends permission. Within a week the case was settled and they got a payout. My insurance rate almost doubled. They whole siutation from the accident to settlement lasted almost an entire year. It was exhausting, fustrating, and horrible.
I now know that their laywer was my ex fiance. The lawfirm which handled the case was owned by my ex-fiance which he relocated and renamed before we met (almost immediatley after the case closed).
According to the voice recording, he apparently knew who I was not long after we first met. Knowing that he pushed those people to harrass me, to lie, and try to get me to pay them on the side broke my heart.
I asked his cousin how she got the recording, and she told me she was there and when she realized the situation he was talking about, she began recording on her phone. At that moment, I felt as though the floor was ripped out from under me.
I even thought about forgiving him, until she showed me the messages bewtween my ex fiance and her. She confronted him about it the next day, and instead of feeling remorseful, he threatened her and said he would reveal her previous drinking problem to her husband.
I gave up on the relationship in that moment. I couldn't believe what I was reading, but I confirmed it was his number, and the time was when he was with me on a lunch date.
I recall he had been on his phone a lot throughout the date and was a little more irritable that day. I broke off the engagement the next day. I went to his house with my brother, cousins, dad and uncles to get all my stuff and move back to my house while I spoke with him.
I wanted to know why he did what he did years ago, and why he would let it our relationship get this far. I didn't get any meaningful answers. He just kept repeating himself and saying that he loves me, he didn't think it was a big deal, and I should be able to forgive him.
I gave him his ring back, and told him no, It was over. I called his parents immediatley after I left and told them what happened and why. I explained that nothing they could say would allow me to trust their son again.
They were quiet on the phone, and didn't say much. I went home and cried. My sister and mother handled canceling what they could of the things I paid for. All was quiet until yesterday.
His whole family has been calling me, messaging me, emailing me, and showing up at my house to try to convince me to get back with him. I keep being told that I was too hasty in my decision, but I don't believe I was.
I spent an entire 24 hours trying to convince myself I can move on and stay with him before I called my dad and asked him to help me move my stuff. However, the onslaught of messages, phonecalls, and now visits have been a lot to handle.
I don't know what to do at this point. I'm exhausted, over-whelmed, and feel like crying every 5 minutes. Maybe I have made a hasty decision, but I can't see myself trusting him again, and I can't see him as the same man with the good morals I fell in love with.
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
If it continues, get a restraining order. You absolutely made the right call. What a douche. I bet it gave him such an ego boost, knowing how he manipulated you before you met and continued to do so once you entered a relationship. Why would you want to get in a relationship with someone who obviously enjoys inflicting pain on someone?
His family is terrorizing you the same way the people from the accident did. Unforgivable. He lied and I don't lie so I don't expect to be lied to especially by my spouse. Best of luck to you. You did the right thing.
Definitely the right call. It would have been another story, if he had owned up beforehand. I mean, he didn't know you before. It still would have been bad. But a different situation, because he would have been honest.
No, he knew what he did and who you were. He just didn't want to own up to what he did. And now, the family does what the people involved in the accident did to you. It's just insane. And he lost your trust. Updateme.
Well thank your lucky stars you found out now now. You were about to marry someone who is deceitful and completely devoid of any integrity. Block any contact- involve the police if they continue to harass you. Once the dust has settled you will begin to heal and congratulate yourself on swerving this disgusting person.
The fact he knew who you were and didn't tell you is a stab in the back, and the fact he threatened his cousin knows he knew he did wrong. You need to take care of yourself and not listen to what the family says. You know what's right for you and that's why he's your ex. Don't let peer pressure change your mind. He knows this was a big deal and is trying to get his way.